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How to stop being misogynistic?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by NingyoBroken, Jan 23, 2015.

  1. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Hey

    I've noticed I keep having very misogynistic thoughts. But at the same time this clashes with my belief that gender roles shouldn't exist.

    I just feel like all the women I've known or seen are either really irrational and confusing, or level-headed/strong but sexist against men (feminists).

    I want to meet someone who isn't like this but I just haven't. I HATE stereotypes but I can't help thinking these thoughts. I want to stop.
     
  2. Aussie792

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    A) You need to stop pretending that you're better than women and realise that wholehearted agreement with you is not the definition of rationality. They're quite incompatible, actually.

    B) Just listen. Read. Educate yourself. Actually bother to take in what makes you uncomfortable instead of having a knee-jerk reaction - what makes you uncomfortable and forces you to think is what makes you change. Listen to what feminists have to say and take in as diverse a set of feminist opinions as you can get hold of.

    Leaving misogyny behind will mean changing your mindset and admitting that you're wrong. You have to start off assuming (as you clearly know) that what you feel is wrong and doesn't amount to reasonable thought.
     
  3. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    I have read countless things that feminists say and it makes me hate them (feminists) more. They are a bunch of sexists themselves, and annoy the living shit out of me.

    I didn't say anything about agreeing with me. There's just something about the way women act..

    I know I'm wrong. I just don't know how to stop.

    Perhaps the reason I'm like this is because my mother was a pretty hardcore feminist once, and being transsexual in the closet + hearing my mother's feminist whims equaled hatred for women or something...

    What's funny is I like really "feminine", sensitive guys as well..
     
    #3 NingyoBroken, Jan 23, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2015
  4. Aussie792

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    Are you here to continue arguing? Why did you make this thread?
     
  5. RainbowGreen

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    I have more or less the same problem as you. I have very misogynistic views that I would like to prove wrong, but it doesn't seem to happen much. I don't talk about it, because I don't want to seem sexist, but most women I know have such double standarts.

    ''Women are equal to men! But don't hit us ever and go easy on us in sports!''
    ''If a man gets hit by a woman, he probably deserves it!''
    ''She cut her husband's genitals after she caught him cheating! Props to you, girl! What? A man found out his wife was cheating and threw acid at her!? What a piece of shit! He should die!!''

    Not defending violence in either cases, but women seem to think it's okay for them to hit men, but the opposite is completely barbaric.

    To a lesser degree, I just don't like hanging out with most girls. All I see them do is gossip about how other girls are this and that. I even saw two girls bully a suicidal girl.

    I have met girls that don't fit those stereotypes, and they are VERY good friends, but damn, their in the minority of those I met... At least, they seem to get a bit better as they age...

    What I try to do, is keep an open-mind about them until I find proof that they're not worth being friends with (backstabbing, gossipping ect.). The more someone is exposed to people they appreciate of a category they don't like, the more open they are about that category.
     
  6. Phalange

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    Just to be really clear, I was being sarcastic about being a man-hater.
     
  7. BryanM

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    I happen to be a gay male feminist. I definitely don't hate men, or think anyone is better than anybody. We're all equal here, and that's how it should be. If you believe that both genders are equal, you are a feminist by definition. How exactly are feminists like me sexist? I'd like to hear what you have to think and maybe I can clarify.
     
  8. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    No. I didn't make this thread to argue. I made it because I needed some kind way to stop thinking the way I do about women.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 07:11 AM ----------

    You should see the shit I've read. Most feminists quite clearly state that women are better than men, and that men aren't oppressed at all, and act like women should be worshipped or something..

    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 07:11 AM ----------

    This isn't about what you said in that thread.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 07:13 AM ----------

    ^this, exactly.
    Yeah, I try. I wish I actually could also meet a girl who is not like that. No luck yet.
     
    #8 NingyoBroken, Jan 23, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2015
  9. Quem

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    I find the word feminist to be very blah. Quite some people associate feminists with those who actually think women are way above men, because there are "feminists" like that. I prefer the word equalist.

    I'm sorry that I didn't give much input in this thread, I apologise for that. =\ I do think that you can stop being misogynistic, by try to see why you feel that way. Once you completely see that it is not rational, you'll find it easier to change. If you don't completely get it, or find it justifiable in a certain way, you'll likely find it difficult to change.
     
  10. BryanM

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    You do realize personal anecdotes and experiences should not be considered when thinking of certain groups, right? Many conservatives will see a news story about a pedophile raping a young boy and make an assumption about all gay people, or a person will watch a terrorist attack and blame it on all people who share the religion of the person who pulled off the attack. Not all women are like you say, and not all men are pigs, and those certain feminists aren't any better than a misogynist is. Hating any group of people due to personal interactions isn't the right way to go about things.

    You say you have met many stupid women in your lifetime. I've met many as well, but I don't say stupid women or stupid men, I say stupid people.
     
  11. jay777

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    You come from a point where you moved towards masculinity.
    You are a man. You don't have to fight for it overly or reject femininity.
    Find your own point where you are comfortable with, accept others have other points on the scale.

    Embrace it as variety.

    There are parts of you that might remind you of femininity, but which you might like. Embrace it.
    You can like certain fashions or whatever. Its completely ok.
    Your identification as man is seperate from that.

    Once you find others, and your own femininity are ok as they are, you can communicate on a relaxed level.

    I'd suggest stopping emotional outbursts, stating ones opinion is possible nonetheless.

    Some women might have an emphasis on emotions. So its often not only important what is said but how it was said. If coming from a relaxed attitude, a communication about viewpoints, needs and emotions could be much more productive.

    Yes women like to chat. You could join in some, if it gets too much you can go do stuff you like.

    (*hug*)
     
  12. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    Basically what RainbowGreen said nailed it pretty much on the spot.
     
  13. Fallingdown7

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    Everyone's different. Not all women are sexist against men, It's just that the ones who are are the loudest. I find It's that way with a lot of groups. Christians for example are very loud about homophobia and conservatism, yet all the christians I'm friends with are liberal gay rights supporters. It's just that the more obnoxious ones drown out their voices.

    I understand what you mean though. I used to be very heterophobic and christophobic until I sat down and got to know some people, and even then trusting the group is hard.
     
  14. Aussie792

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    In short, you have no interest in listening to advice that would help steer you away from or censure you for your misogyny.
     
  15. Acm

    Acm Guest

    Whenever you have a misogynistic thought, don't just let it pass, confront your thinking and try to figure out why you're thinking like that. Try to stop generalizing women, there's just as much variety of women as there are of men. And like BryanM said, don't let experiences with individuals cloud your entire perception of a group. Just because some women are mean, it doesn't mean they all are, it's just one individual, and it shouldn't be a reflection on all women. If you try to be more open minded, you'll find that there's lots of really great women out there.
     
  16. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    I see what your getting at.
    Being a pre T transsexual could have something to do with it as well. I am always thinking to myself "was that too feminine? Am I acting like a girl?" And so on.
    I know clothes don't equal gender. I'm proud to break gender roles with my looks and fashion.
    But this is not about me.


    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 07:28 AM ----------

    You aren't helping

    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 07:29 AM ----------

    It's not just one, it's most I've known. Even my one female friend can be really annoying at times, and we're kind of drifting apart because of it.
    I'm trying. And I hope I meet one so I can prove myself wrong.

    ---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 07:34 AM ----------

    Ugh, I just noticed I sound like one of those God damn feminists, just the opposite..
     
    #16 NingyoBroken, Jan 23, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 23, 2015
  17. RainbowGreen

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    It did improve after I started hormones and I passed more, because I wasn't lumped with them anymore. I was seen as very masculine by them before I transitioned, but now people just assume I'm gay or feminine when they meet me (I'm stealth). It helps a lot for seeing someone for what they're worth if they don't misgender you on top of it.
     
  18. NingyoBroken

    NingyoBroken Guest

    I'm stealth too, at least as much as I can be. I plan to be completely stealth on once I am on T, as well as have my parents call me by male pronouns and such.
    I know I'll definitely worry about my own behaviour a lot less.
     
  19. Quiet Raven

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    BryonM and Fallingdown said it best, I think.

    I completely agree. I hate the term "feminist". If they aim for equality, then the term should not focus on one side. I feel if they didn't use this term, there will be a lot more men willing to listen and help. And maybe less women trying to use it to overpower men.

    There are still a lot of good "feminists".
     
    #19 Quiet Raven, Jan 23, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 23, 2015
  20. Whisper

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    I'm a feminist. Not one who believes women are superior, but equal. I don't think it's okay that you're sexist against women, but I kind of understand why you could have a negative view of feminists. There's really a divide and some of us rarely use that word anymore. Frankly certain feminists scare the living shit out of me.

    And you're right, you do sound like one of the radical feminists, just coming from the opposite side. :wink:

    Basically I agree with Acm. If you want to get over this, you have to really confront these thoughts. Argue with yourself. Don't let the feelings go by without passing over them.