Hitting kids is a good tactic to discipline kids?

I agree with you. I studied behavior management as part of my uni course and also work with autistic kids in behavior therapy and one thing I've learned is that hitting/physical punishment is NOT effective whatsoever. Yeah, a lot of people who were given smacks as kids (myself included...my dad used to hit me with books and kitchen implements :S) turn out okay but that doesn't mean it's because of the hitting.

In fact, most of the time you;re just gonna teach your kids to fear you and see you as negative reinforcement. So maybe they'll behave around you but more likely, they will also not trust you, they will learn that violence is a solution to problems with others...etc.

The best way to stop bad behaviors is to work out why they're happening and deal with it another (more effective) way that doesn't impact your relationship and works more in the long-term.

For example: if they're being bad to get attention, you ignore the behavior and praise them when they get your attention appropriately (eg. tap you on the shoulder/wait till you're finished talking). If they're being bad to get out of doing something, you make them do it no matter what (and then praise them whenever they do something you ask them WITHOUT the bad behavior).

 

Hmm...my parents realized early on that physical punishment (hitting) didn't work on me. I'd just get back up and still be up to mischief! Instead they grounded me.

If...the punishment has a lesson, then maybe. Let's say that a kid does something absolutely horrible (steals a candy bar). Then, the kid does it again after the parent tells them that it's bad. Finally, after the third time, the parent gets fed up, and spanks the child to enforce that stealing=pain/bad.

If kids can associate pain (spankings) with bad behavior, then most of the time they'll avoid it....unless the kid's too smart or stubborn for his/her own good .

If I have kids, I'm only going to ever spank if it's so absolutely atrocious that standing in a corner, or other punishment forms wouldn't help at all. Even then, only after I've used rational thoughts...I never want to hit a child just to cause pain.

 

If you look up brainwashing, you will find the following statement:
breaking the resistance of an opponent with violence.

There you have it.

There are other ways to teach.

I personally think its best to make someone understand an action.
Like explaining how this makes others feel, what results there will be etc.

 

Hey don't do that * spanks child* he cries * gives him icecream* stop your fucking crying or I will beat you and give you something to cry about *buys him candy in the store*. How often do spankings accompany mix messages or sending a child mixed messages? Well going by my family I say a lot.

 

I'm on the fence with this one. On one hand, I used to be spanked as a kid, rarely got the belt after the first time. All my dad had to do was fold the belt and half and snap it which would make us stop what we where doing and/or run. I knew that I deserved what I got, even though I didn't feel like I did at the time. I was a pretty bad kid, always destroying something or being mean to other kids because I thought it was funny. I'm the opposite now.

On the other hand, I've seen kids getting the same treatment as I did and continuing to repeat their actions as well as doing and saying the same things just to get under their parents skin. Kids who'll still throw fits and don't know how to control their emotions.

I guess it would be fair to say, that both punishment and rewards would do well. Kids can be really hard to handle sometimes and it takes a ton of patience. I would say.. give them rewards when they're good and punish them when they're bad. Don't ever go as far as spoiling them or physically injuring them.

 

To copy and paste a post of mine, from another thread:

It worked for me.

 

I strongly disapprove of smacking children. The idea of an enraged parent smacking his/her child makes me go cold.

If you lose your patience or temper with an adult do you lash out at them or remove your belt or shoe? No, of course you don't, because to do so would land you in hot water with the Police, or you could be sued. Why then would you lash out at your own (much smaller) child?

Let's not dress it up with kind words. Call it what it is - abuse.

 

I'll just put this here: Several weeks of talking with my therapist has taught me that hitting kids can actually worsen the problem more than it helps.

 

I got hit when I was a kid quite a bit. I was hyper, inquisitive, and had too much of an independent streak. The hitting didn't work. It angered me more and made me more rebellious. My parents didn't want dialogue. They wanted control. Dialogue may have meant having to give in to reason.

One time, when in my early 20s and living at home, my dad took a swat and/or lunged at me. The funny thing is that I can't even remember why he did this sort of thing every once in a while or why he would go on these tirades when I very clearly remember what has instigated tirades with other people because they're not the order of the day. Could it be that there were too many of these incidents that I don't remember what instigated them? I think so. At any rate, I was bigger than he was and I shoved him right back, more to protect myself and have him back off. He wound up falling down. Fortunately, there was a sofa right behind him and it broke his fall, or he might have ended up with a broken bone or two, or worse. I got scared and counted my lucky stars that it happened in front of a sofa. He never laid another hand on me. However, he continued to get into screaming matches with me.

He was very "flash in the pan" and then there were long periods when we got along. With my mom, it was always on simmer mode. She would try to hit me every now and then as well but was not successful at it.

 

The only thing spanking teaches is:
When somebody does something you don't like, you can hit them. It's not discipline, it's frustration.
It's virtually always disproportionate, if not an outright non-sequitur to the 'offense' being comitted.
And as others have said, study upon study keeps demonstrating it usually causes more harm than good.

 

Good for you Tightrope. It clearly worked, in stopping the physical encounters.

 

Might be an Asian thing, but my parents (mostly my dad) hit me a lot when I was younger, including my grandpa from my dad's side. Probably why I have such a bad relationship with my father because all he ever did was hit me when I was taking back or misbehaving in general.

They kept using a bamboo stick lol, that shit hurts.

When I have kids of my own I'll never hit them, never. It would only teach them to fear me, and I don't want my kids to fear me. Violence in general never solved anything, but it must be an older generation thing because when it comes to violence once side always loses.

 

On top of how crude it is as a method of discipline (what are you even trying to teach your children by deliberately causing them pain?), I wouldn't say it's that effective. It helps children to learn to hide their misdemeanours from the one who hits them, rather than teaching them to behave because it's the right thing to do. It doesn't impart the same message as a proportionate punishment with explanation. It helps children to repress their problems instead of being more forthwith in admitting things and opening up, as their parents have taken the role of punishers rather than pure carers on whom they can rely to react reasonably and non-violently.

It certainly teaches a lesson, but not a healthy one. It teaches children that causing pain and abusing your power is a parental right. It also breeds understandable resentment in some and encourages others to do similar things to their own children because "that's just the way things are done". With adults, one's expected to reason with them, at most physically restrain rather than actually being the instigator or at least be the better person and not retaliate unless absolutely necessary. Yet with children, it somehow becomes acceptable to neglect rational explanation and simply beat submission into them?

That, for some reason, the most vulnerable people should be hit, while at the same time accepting that adults in equal positions absolutely should not engage in violence is an unpleasant line of thinking. It is an open approval of abusing the power you have over someone - it reeks of seeking control more than a healthy dialogue.

 

It really isn't. There is no rational argument for spanking.
Like I said before it's disproportionate and quite often a complete non-sequitur with regards to the offense commited.

---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 12:35 PM ----------

Also spanking doesn't actually teach children why their behaviour is wrong. It only teaches them fear.

 

Physical punishment can be used appropriately and effectively. I was only spanked once as a kid, tbh I don't really remember much except that it only stung a little and my dad lectured me after about never wanting to do that again because he loves me.

Now, after saying that, I don't believe that physical punishments are at all the best method to instill discipline. In my opinion negative punishment should be the go-to instead of positive punishiment. Take away the Xbox, time out, grounding, etc. The worst punishment I ever received was not being allowed to play cards with my dad and sister. That hurt a lot more.

Also, punishments should never, ever come from a place of anger. Punishments should also be backed with reasons and, in the case of parent/gaurdians, how much you care should be reinforced as well (not with candy, with actual love).

 

Then why does virtually every new study on this subject state the exact opposite?
Why do psycholoigcal associations like the APA oppose it?

Corporal Punishment

No-one forced him to hit you.
Again, spanking doens't actually teach children the error of their ways, only to fear retribution.


Also for all those who say: "I was spanked as a child and I turned out allright"
This is an appeal to anecdote fallacy.
Just because you didn't suffer any permanent harm from any given situation or action, doesn't mean other people don't or that the action is harmless.

 

I think spanking probably should be a last resort punishment. However, I think it has its place sometimes. It's not child abuse if it is used as a punishment (not out of anger and not just for the hell of it) and is not causing damage, just pain. In addition I don't really think children should be hit anywhere aside from their ass. Please don't trivialize child abuse by saying occasional punishment spankings is child abuse. People have different methods of parenting and I think the right to choose. I was spanked occasionally as a child and I don't think I have any lasting psychological or physical damage. I did know I deserved it while I recieved and I did and still do love my parents. Again, it shouldn't be used out of anger or exercising power over a vulnerable child and non physical means should be preferred. Obviously, the child needs to know they are loved outside of all this punishment business.

---------- Post added 24th Jan 2015 at 05:03 AM ----------

Anecdotes do have a place. People learn from their own experiences. Studies have their limitations too.