Hello fellow people! Something really weird happened to me today and I'd like to know if any of you guys had a similar experience. So I went to have lunch today with my 2 of my closest friends (one straight female -Nina- and one gay guy -Björn-) aswell as another straight girl -Elizabeth- that Nina had brought with her. It strarted kind of nice when the two girls arrived. I thought Elizabeth was nice and whatever, but as soon as Björn arrived it turned strange. So I hope I'm not playing to much with clichés here, but Björn looks like an average guy (Sneakers, Jeans, T-Shirt) and defenitly not like the typical 'public-media-gay-guy'. (Not that there's anything wrong with that!) Him being gay only turned up in the conversation because he had a date the day before and Nina and I were dying to know how it went (side note: not really good, he said). So Elizabeth noticed that he was gay and imediatly started to treat him different. She asked if he thought her outfit was fabulous (btw he's not really intrested in fashion), if he liked 'Sex and the City' and a lot of other stereotypical female shows (which he doesn't) and asked if he already had a 'girl-bff' after 15 minutes of knowing him. It was all kind of slowly getting more akward, but Björn took it really well and acted calmly until... about 30 minutes after we had started to eat, a friend of Elizabeth walked into the restaurant and she came to our table to say hello. And Elizabeth said: "Oh hi! You're having lunch too? I'm here with Nina, Caroline and my new gay best friend!" At this point Björn dropped his sandwich, put some money on the table and left the restaurant. I did the same thing and followed him as he was waiting outside looking really pissed. Understandable if you ask me! I mean he wasn't really mad about how dumb she was, or how many sterotypes she'd try to force on him, but rather to mention his sexuality than his first name?! So it ended with us two eating icecream and having a nice talk. And now to you: Has something like that ever happend to you? Was someone trying to be your friend because of your sexual orientation? And what the :***: is up with that 'Gay Best Friend' trend?! :bang: -Caroline
People think that having a "gay best friend" makes them seem more accepting or something like that. Or they want to appear "edgy," and they think associating with gay people will achieve that. (Please note that I do NOT believe this in the slightest. I find it to be complete bull crap.) Or sometimes people will use it as an attempt to excuse their actions. It's similar to people who say things like, "I'm not racist. I have a black friend." It's just completely and totally moronic, in my opinion.
That's one the reasons why I don't come out as gay or trans. I don't want to be the ''gay friend'', or worse, the only trans person they know and get asked tons of awkward questions all the time. I've never been introduced as ''gay/trans best friend'', thankfully.
Björn did what I would have done. The one time a friend introduced me as her gay friend, it was actually somewhat relevant (she has another, straight friend with my name and she had talked about both of us to her friend), but I was wary for a moment. And she introduced me by name before adding "they gay one, not the the straight one". Honestly, if someone introduces you in the same tone they would their new handbag, a sharp rebuke or just leaving would be entirely justified.
Actually this happened last night…three of my friends and I went to an event downtown last night and while we were there I ran into an old friend named Reyna and when she asked about the guy I was with (my friend Ronald) I told her we were friends, she knows I'm gay. So then one of the other girls I was with, Gracie, suddenly changed? She was clingy! She also knew I was gay but we never really talked about it except for the occational gay joke, but yesterday she didn't let go of my arm! And I asked Ronald to pull me away which he did and when Reyna and my other friend Jessica came up to me she looked genuinely hurt(Gracie) and so she sat on the edge of the table just texting on her phone but she pulled me away and told me that I was HER gay best friend! Talking about me like some trophy! I was bothered but I tried to keep a level head and managed to. But after I apologized for making her feel left out(I noticed and didn't try to include her), she began to cling to my arm again! So I told her to stop and when she didn't i walked home, leaving the three of them and Reyna alone. So I haven't talked to Gracie since last night despite the fact that she's sent me like…100 Texts…were it someone else, it would be quickly forgiven but Gracie is one of my closest friends and I think she should know better!
I do have a "gay best friend" and I do often call him that simply because it's true. And he does not seem to mind it as he often calls me his "bi best friend"... We're comfortable about our sexual orientations and we don't feel the need to hide that in our circle of friends so, yeah... Does that make me a bad person? :|
No, I don't think that this makes you a bad person! But Björn wasn't even asked if it's ok to publicy say he's gay and even if, that isn't the most imptortant thing about him! I'm sure you have your best friend not just because he's gay, right? So Elizabeth had now right whatsoever for basically making his sexuality to a bigger deal that he wants it to be. If you and your friend feel comfortable about calling yourself 'gay best friend' or 'bi best friend' then it's absoloutly fine. But I'm sure you wouldn't do it if he felt uncomfortable about it.
A friend of mine who used to frequent a gay club would refer to someone she knew from there as: "My crossdresser friend Mandy." And the first thing she would tell anyone about Mandy was: "He doesn't want to be a woman or anything. He's not gay. He's married with kids." I didn't call her out on it because I think perhaps she was just trying to provide clarity in case anyone wondered why she was referring to someone with a female name by male pronouns. But I have a sneaking suspicion that she was doing it mostly to make herself look modern for having such a friend. The way she phrased it did annoy me though. I mean to immediately point out that he was married with kids as if to say that this proves anything, or as if something even needed to be proved like he was doing something wrong otherwise. Also: "He doesn't want to be a woman" is basically saying that if someone is trans then they want to be, but are not a woman, placing the importance of their biological gender over gender identity. I think she mostly meant well, but it was a bit unnecessary.
Personally, I think it's downright disrespectful even to mentions someone's sexuality without the said persons' permission, especially in front of them. I do actually have two gay friends, yet not once has their sexuality been mentioned at all. Poor guy. I don't blame him for walking out.
