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Saying you knew you were gay before understanding definition of gay

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by brainwashed, Jan 28, 2015.

  1. brainwashed

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    A point for discussion. Before puberty or teen years I throw out for discussion: A person can have "feelings" but they do not know ramifications of said feelings before understanding of labels for feelings at that time - ie boy likes boy or girl likes girl. It's not until a person learns what the term gay or lesbian means do they say ~"ya I had feelings way back when so I knew I was gay or lesbian way back when. I debate they cannot know ramifications before one knows definition of? True - one knows they are gay before definition is known. False - they do not know they were gay and are using the term loosely. (I hope I got this right, it's late and I'm tired.)
     
  2. Chiroptera

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    I don't really understand.

    "I knew i was gay since i was X" -> I was attracted to people of my own gender when i was X, even if i didn't knew the definition of the word "gay".

    Same for straight, "i knew i was straight since i was X" -> I was attracted to people of my own gender when i was X, even if i didn't knew the definition of the word "straight".
     
  3. CyanChachki

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    You don't have to know the name of the label before you label yourself. You can know what you are without a label, which is why they knew they where gay before knowing that there was others.
     
  4. AnnastasiaM

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    Well, I actually had a little girlfriend in Kindergarten. Hailey. Most people thought it was cute until we kissed and then there was an end put to it pretty damn quick. After I was in trouble I started hanging out with boys more because I didn't want to get in trouble or yelled at and I kind of buried my feelings for girls. I always knew I would never be happy with a boy. One of my fondest memories is when I was five riding the bus back home with her, I had my head in her lap, and she was singing to me. She got the whole bus to shut up because I was trying to sleep. Can you imagine a five year old girl getting an entire bus load of elementary kids to shut it so that one other kid could take a nap??
     
  5. pinklov3ly

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    I understand what you mean. I have always liked girls growing up, since I was like, 6 or 7ish and well, at the time I had no idea what it meant. Honestly, I thought it was completely normal until I figured out that it was not considered "normal," during my teenage years. I, even had the typical crush on my female teacher as well as my female friends. I can remember when I moved to a new city, I was walking down the street and this lady wanted me to met her daughter. OMG!! She was so beautiful and I fell in love with her. Mind you, I was 8 and she was 9.

    The ramification for me, when I noticed that liking women was not okay was the loss of my best friend; her mother walked in on us fooling around. She did not say anything, she walked out, and I remember having to leave afterwards. I was terrified and afraid that she would tell my mom, but she never did. I can remember wanting to die and I actually thought about running away(at 6/7ish smh) from home because I was so ashamed, which makes me so sad thinking about it now.

    Not only that, I used to play house with my female friends etc...
     
    #5 pinklov3ly, Jan 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2015
  6. Aussie792

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    It is one thing understanding your feelings. It's another to have an understanding of politicised labels that apply to you. While the broader implications are unlikely to be understood, that doesn't mean that prepubescent awareness is any less real in terms of the legitimacy of the feelings. An infant feels pain before knowing how to express the concept of pain it in language. Likewise, a queer child may not know the terminology, but that makes their feelings no less queer.

    However, this is a very complex discussion about applied and theoretical linguistics. We can either discuss linguistic relativity with the notion of language's being the sole means of thought and conceptualisation. I don't imagine that conversation ending well, as even experienced linguists and philosophers are hopeless at reaching a conclusion, let alone a discussion on EC. Alternatively, we can ask whether we want to define queerness as a political and social concept rather than a purely natural one, which would likely result in our throwing dictionary definitions and opposing fragments of philosophies we've half-heartedly googled at each other and not getting anywhere, either. We can look at this from a lot of angles more, I'm sure, but I highly doubt that we could uncover what academics in the relevant fields haven't yet.

    ---------- Post added 29th Jan 2015 at 11:10 PM ----------

    Note: I'm not a philosopher or a linguist, so if any of you guys (I know a few people here are linguistics and/or philosophy students) who actually know what you're talking about would like to pop in and give a better explanation, please do.
     
    #6 Aussie792, Jan 29, 2015
    Last edited: Jan 29, 2015
  7. CJliving

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    Pretty much I agree with Aussie.

    I remember realizing I was different around the same time I started school, but I definitely didn't have the language or even the sense of society and self to label any of it. I still hated the thought of playing house as anything other than the 'brother' and didn't understand why I couldn't play with cap guns without knowing that my applicable label was "genderqueer". And learning the labels didn't change that either.
     
  8. 741852963

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    True, although I don't always like how these statements are phrased by people. Along of the lines of "its natural, as I've always knew I was gay/different, even from a young age". The reality is its a very personal thing.

    I was completely asexual and "aromantic" up until my mid-teens. Contrary to most girls and boys in school I just didn't get crushes and never thought that odd. Now on the above line of thought my homosexuality is somewhat less natural or less valid due to not having such experiences.
     
  9. blueberrykisses

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    I realized I was gay when I was 12. However looking back on my pre-teen years, I started having crushes on girls when I was about 8-9. I had romantic and sexual feelings and thoughts about girls, never boys. I would fall in love with girls and fantasize about having a girlfriend, I would marry my Barbies, tell girls I woud kiss them if I was a boy, I even made girls I liked play games with me where I played their boyfriend etc. However, at the time I didn't know homosexuality existed. I'd never seen a gay couple on TV, I didn't know any gay people in real life and no idea such a thing was possible so it certainly never occured to me like at the age of 8, like 'OMG, I am not attracted to men, I like women, I am gay' etc, in fact when I married one of my Barbies, my immediate thought was, when I grow up I can't be married to a Barbie anymore so I will have to find myself a HUSBAND. At that age I thought I was going to date boys like older girls and marry a boy and have kids with him etc because that seemed like the only possibility. You cannot know you are gay if you don't know homosexuality exists and and at that age, you don't have the emotional maturity to evaluate and analyze your feelings like 'OK I like this girl, why don't I like boys?' etc.

    I remember being 9 and wondering whether it was possible that I would grow up to be a boy one day. I wanted to be a boy because I was in love with a girl and I thought, well I want to have a girlfriend one day so I have to become a boy. I spent weeks trying to figure out how I could become a boy so that I could marry a girl when I'm older and I was very upset by the thought that that wasn't possible. It never occured to me that I didn't have to be a boy to be with a girl.

    If you know gay people or see gay couples when you're little, then sure you will realize that that's how you are, but when you don't know homosexuality is even a thing, you cannot identify yourself as gay.
     
  10. Kaiser

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    If one does not know what 'urination' is, can they not still piss?

    *Strokes Confucius beard*
     
  11. brainwashed

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    Fun and interesting comments, thanks. I learned a lot. I find it interesting that people put "labels" on themselves after learning about labels. It seems that "other person" attractions, be it the same or opposite gender starts at an early age.