Mum & Dad

[lordjord96]

hey so my mum and dad are getting a devorce and i need help because well my mum wants the house and me and my brother. but i want to go with my dad and he also wants the house does anyone have any help?

[beckyg]

Just calmly explain to your parents that you love them both but would prefer living with your dad. Let's hope your parents can work this out in a reasonable manner with not too much turmoil.

[lordjord96]

Originally Posted by beckyg

Just calmly explain to your parents that you love them both but would prefer living with your dad. Let's hope your parents can work this out in a reasonable manner with not too much turmoil.

yes but thats not all i was going to come out to them together but now i have to tell them sepretly

[Derek the Wolf]

I would actually recommend coming out to them separately. It'll be more difficult, but you'll be able to gauge their individual feelings more accurately.

[pirateninja]

Ahhh, divorce. Not a nice thing to deal with. Unfortunately I was in your position in May 2005 so I can understand what you're going through.

There are quite a few things that you need to make clear to your parents though:

1) That you love them both equally and unconditionally. Unfortunately these sorts of things can bring up competition between the parents, it can create a severe rift between them where the divorce becomes less of a divorce and more of a sniping match. They need to be told that there is no NEED for competition between them, because they are more likely to listen to you than each other.

2) Tell them that you want them to handle it as amicably as possible. Again, yes, divorce is stressful and it can't be easy on the parents involved, but the least they can do for you is to sort it out civilly and efficiently, because in the end, this is going to affect you just as much as them, and arguing with each other is not going to help you or them one single bit.

Like I've said above, this whole process requires a LOT of communication. Tempers will be running high, it is likely there will be jealousy and a simple misunderstanding can be blown out of proportion. And again like I've said, this communication is going to rely heavily on you and your brother. You have to tell your parents what YOU want. If you want to live with your dad, tell them that, but like Becky said, you can't let your mother think that it's because you love her any less, and again this requires a LOT of communication towards her.

(In a little kinda related note, you are still going to see your other parent, no matter which one you live with? Is there a way some kind of compromise can be reached on where you live? Like a week at one place, a week at another. Or weekdays at one place and weekends at the other?)

Annnnnyway, moving on to the house problem. Your parents may want to keep the house they are living in because of a few reasons; it may be because they don't want the hassle of buying or renting another house, it may be because they think if they keep the house that you and your brother are more likely to stay with them, it may be simply because they like living where they are now and not give it up. I'll say it again; communication, communication, communication. If either one of them starts looking for houses, get involved, help them with it as best you can. Again, let them know that you will love them both no matter where they live.

It's tough, I know. But with this, as long as you talk to your parents, make sure that you let them know how you feel about things. Don't bottle it up, because in the end you will just resent them because you didn't feel like they listened to you. Tell them if it upsets you, if you're angry, or tell your friends. Make sure they know that you need their support right now. And your parents are going to need your support. Unfortunately, it is a time where you have to be the adult in the situation and you have to make sure that people are talking about it instead of arguing about it.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you, buddy. I hope it all turns out alright for you. And if you ever need to talk...


EDIT: With regard to coming out, I'd recommend either getting it out of the way now, and together, or waiting until everything has settled down after the divorce and either a) telling them together, or b) telling them individually but one after the other. Whatever you do, do not tell one parent and leave it a while before telling the other. At a time like this, jealousy will be running high, and if one knows before the other, the other will feel as if you love/trust the other parent more. Not good in divorce, it can lead to some nasty repercussions.

[beckyg]

Great advice Holly!

[Mirko]

Hi there! Holly said it! I don't think I can add anything to it, with the exception that we are all here for you. We'll try our best to help you through this difficult time.

[lordjord96]

thank you all you for your help!!,

[kh23172]

Originally Posted by pirateninja

Ahhh, divorce. Not a nice thing to deal with. Unfortunately I was in your position in May 2005 so I can understand what you're going through.

There are quite a few things that you need to make clear to your parents though:

1) That you love them both equally and unconditionally. Unfortunately these sorts of things can bring up competition between the parents, it can create a severe rift between them where the divorce becomes less of a divorce and more of a sniping match. They need to be told that there is no NEED for competition between them, because they are more likely to listen to you than each other.

2) Tell them that you want them to handle it as amicably as possible. Again, yes, divorce is stressful and it can't be easy on the parents involved, but the least they can do for you is to sort it out civilly and efficiently, because in the end, this is going to affect you just as much as them, and arguing with each other is not going to help you or them one single bit.

Like I've said above, this whole process requires a LOT of communication. Tempers will be running high, it is likely there will be jealousy and a simple misunderstanding can be blown out of proportion. And again like I've said, this communication is going to rely heavily on you and your brother. You have to tell your parents what YOU want. If you want to live with your dad, tell them that, but like Becky said, you can't let your mother think that it's because you love her any less, and again this requires a LOT of communication towards her.

(In a little kinda related note, you are still going to see your other parent, no matter which one you live with? Is there a way some kind of compromise can be reached on where you live? Like a week at one place, a week at another. Or weekdays at one place and weekends at the other?)

Annnnnyway, moving on to the house problem. Your parents may want to keep the house they are living in because of a few reasons; it may be because they don't want the hassle of buying or renting another house, it may be because they think if they keep the house that you and your brother are more likely to stay with them, it may be simply because they like living where they are now and not give it up. I'll say it again; communication, communication, communication. If either one of them starts looking for houses, get involved, help them with it as best you can. Again, let them know that you will love them both no matter where they live.

It's tough, I know. But with this, as long as you talk to your parents, make sure that you let them know how you feel about things. Don't bottle it up, because in the end you will just resent them because you didn't feel like they listened to you. Tell them if it upsets you, if you're angry, or tell your friends. Make sure they know that you need their support right now. And your parents are going to need your support. Unfortunately, it is a time where you have to be the adult in the situation and you have to make sure that people are talking about it instead of arguing about it.

I hope this helps. Good luck to you, buddy. I hope it all turns out alright for you. And if you ever need to talk...


EDIT: With regard to coming out, I'd recommend either getting it out of the way now, and together, or waiting until everything has settled down after the divorce and either a) telling them together, or b) telling them individually but one after the other. Whatever you do, do not tell one parent and leave it a while before telling the other. At a time like this, jealousy will be running high, and if one knows before the other, the other will feel as if you love/trust the other parent more. Not good in divorce, it can lead to some nasty repercussions.

i love her responses.. so thought out and correct kudos hehe ♥