Thoughts on dating/marrying the opposite sex to hide sexuality?

As you said, it's extremely unfair to the other person because you're not only wasting your time/life but theirs as well, especially if you are fully aware of your sexuality. I mean how would you feel to be in a relationship/married to someone for however many years only to find out that they were just using you as a cover and never truly loved you like you loved them?

Personally, I've pretty much made a self promise that I would just remain single forever than sucker someone into a fake relationship like that. One of the worst things you can do to a person is play with their emotions, and to that level? Just...no.

 

I don't see why, just stop talking to your family that won't accept you. Move away, don't use social media and the like. If you are a homosexual and wish to stay in the closet due to those close to you, just do that. There's no need to be unhappy or try suffer through a bad relationship. When you visit, ask a friendly hetero or homosexual to pretend.

Since you are 15, you can get away with being a bit virginal and not into relationships, so you wouldn't have to do that until later.

 

i agree with C P and i just wanna add, if you marry someone of the opposite sex just for the reason of hiding your own sexuality, you're lying to yourself just as much as you're lying to you're partner, because you know exactly that that's not what you really want.. besides, there's no guarantee that if you marry someone of the opposite sex, nobody will find out about your sexuality..oh boy, i don't even wanna talk about the possible outcomes.. i have to quote C P on this one "I've pretty much made a self promise that I would just remain single forever than sucker someone into a fake relationship like that"

i respect those who did it though, i understand that there's a great reason why they did it and i know the pressure..

anyway, i wish everyone happiness :thewave:

 

I actually considered this at one time. At the same time I was trying to change myself to straight though.

I'm not even thinking about it anymore. I'm too self aware. I don't think I could perform with a female anyway. LOL

I guess me considering it was about trying to live a 'normal life'.....if that makes sense. I didn't want to think about the stuff that comes with being gay. I was in denial, basically

 

Well, unless they feel attraction to the opposite sex, I feel so sad for them

 

Terrible, terrible idea. This wouldn't only make you yourself miserable, but it's also really unfair to the person you're marrying.

 

^That.

I used to think I might do this, now I know there's no way I could do that to someone and I know it would make things miserable for me. I met someone once who said that this was for sure going to be his plan. I felt kind of bad for him.

 

MissRanger - That is indeed terrible advice from your friend. Lies in general are toxic. A lie on that scale can be absolute disaster. Just ask someone who has been there done that :-/

Not that it's easy on anyone of your generation, but when I was 15 it was significatly different. In fact I really wasn't even aware that gay people existed. Once I became aware, it was still something incredibly taboo and dangerous. In my mind, the only way to a "normal" happy life was marriage and children so that's what I did.

I have an amazing family, I love my children more than anything in the world. They are about to leave for college and I am now finally dealing with the fact that I am gay and incredibly unhappy.

Be who you are. It won't always be the easiest path, but it is your path.

Peace.

 

Well, it's pretty clearly unethical right?

 

It's a bad idea. Selfish too, because you are denying your husband/wife of a chance of their own happiness with someone who can truly love them.


Though I don't even know how some gay guys manage to marry a woman in the first place. Like how do they 'get it up'? Back when I was trying to deny my sexual orientation I was horrified at the thought of being discovered as gay during a honeymoon because I wouldn't be able to get a boner.


Do the gay guys imagine in their head that they are having sex with a guy, or are they not entirely gay (like maybe a 4 or 5 on the Kinsey scale)?

 

I think it's awful to marry someone of the opposite sex to hide your sexuality, but it makes for a great subject of a gay fiction book.

 

It is bad advice. Don't do it. Sometimes, people decide to do this on their own. Sometimes, it is friends, confidantes, and even religious leader types in their sphere of influence who recommend it. And sometimes, it is parents who recommend it, even though they suspect their kids are probably LGB, because it's more about keeping appearances, the erroneous thought that a person might change, or, worse yet, the desire to have grandchildren. (I omitted T because I'm not that familiar).

It's actually more fact than fiction. As we can see here, it has happened quite often and, in uncoupling, no one comes through unscathed, especially if kids are involved.

This has happened in the past and it will happen in the future. I think it will happen LESS. However, there will always be people who will marry an early opposite sex crush or people who will marry to have a more conventional life. We can't really blast them for it. We can only hope that people are more self-aware going forward.

 

Sorry, Tightrope, that was a nod to a member who happens to have written a book on the topic.

 

No worries. I was just talking "in general." It is very common. I believe it has happened among relatives, friends, people I've known from religious settings, and coworkers, though I think most cases were more bi than gay or lesbian. They seemed frustrated that another portion of their sexual functioning had to be kept under wraps. That's what I think was happening.

 

I think it's absolutely ridiculous in most cases. I could understand for those who live in places where homosexuality means the death penalty or any time in prison but anything else.. why would anyone want to force themselves to be something they're not just to make a bunch of people like them? Yes, it hurts when friends leave and it crushes when family leaves but really.. why try to keep those who won't accept you in the first place?

 

It's cruel to both the other person and yourself. Nothing good can ever come of it.