I often avoid using the term 'gay community'?

Well, it's not a "community" in the sense that we have meetings and things like that, but I mean, we all have one important thing in common. When I hear about violence against LGBT people, I feel the sting of it, like it affects me too, if that makes any sense. Being a part of a community doesn't mean we all like each other either. A town can be a community, but people are still going to have issues with other people in the town. But if the neighboring town decides to attack, the town will probably come together. It's that kind of unity and commonality that LGBT people have.

It also happens because cities often have "gay neighborhoods" and there are LGBT organizations...that kind of unity contributes to the sense of "community" that other people see.

 

the term feels too dividing to me. it seems like it's more of a movement for me rather then a community. i'm only basing this on other people's perspective then my own, when people say "gay community" to me, i'm only going to think about both genders that like the same sex. bi and trans don't really get added to that equation and get just as much abuse as we do and that's unfair. i rather say LGBT organizations.

 

I speak quite freely of the "gay community" because for me that is what it feels like--what it's always felt like. The community is of course very diverse but for me it's always still been a community. I still remember that first time I wandered into a gay bar and pretty much announced that I was new. I remember being shown around and introduced to everyone, being taken into a group and shown the ropes. Twenty some-odd years later I'm still friends with a lot of the guys I met on that first night. All I had to do was show up and say I was gay and I was in. And for me gay community has always been about that shock of recognition, that sense of possible kinship among strangers that I feel when I encounter other gay people. I know not everyone feels that way. I know not everyone wants to feel that way--all I can say is that that feeling has been one of the greatest things in my life.

When I discover that someone is gay I feel a sense of community, a sense that we may have common experiences, common history--now it's possible that we also may have been to the same clubs or even like the same music, but it also may just be that we had the same awkward high school years or have had that same ridiculous conversation with a religious relative. Maybe it's the thrill of keeping a secret or the thrill of not keeping a secret. Maybe it's that horrible conversation with your Mother and the sense of relief that she still loves you. Maybe it's holding a friend as he cries because his conversation with his mother didn't go that way at all. Maybe it's a certain shared vocabulary--those little verbal ticks that let someone pick you out and think--oh, you're one of us.

For gay men of a certain age--just a tad older than myself (my husband even) it may be the shared experience of watching your friends die all around you and not being able to understand how the society around you could just not care. For men of my age it may be just knowing so many people who went through that experience and having read so many books about it and seen so many movies about it that you almost feel like you can share that experience with them. Maybe it's having seen the quilt and felt like even if you never lost anyone to AIDS it's still somehow part of your story.

Some of it's silly. If I quote All About Eve and you recognize it and can react accordingly I have a whole shtick I can go into and if you go along you'll tick up a few notches in my estimation. And if I subsequently find out that you can do the whole shtick despite never having actually seen the movie--like myself actually--you'll go up another couple notches. Maybe you teared up a little every time they showed that ESPN clip of that guy kissing his boyfriend--like I did. Maybe you share that same rush of pride when you go to the parade each year. Maybe it's that rush of dancing shirtless with hundreds of gay men at a circuit party. Maybe... well, maybe a lot of things. But for me because of all that when I encounter another gay person there's a sense of ease and a sense of kinship--a sense of community.

And I know I'm not the only one. I work in finance. I work quite closely with clients and it is often necessary for people to tell me a fair amount about their private lives. Often people tell me a great deal more than they really need to. Occasionally I work with gay clients and whenever I do I find a casual way to mention early on that I am gay (usually something about "my partner") and you can just immediately feel the client relax, generally their posture even changes. They know without talking about Madonna or gay bars or the opera that we share something, some sort of culture--and whatever that something is it makes them feel more comfortable, safer.

For pretty much all of my adult life I have felt completely and thoroughly enmeshed in gay culture and community. I've lived in gay neighborhoods. I've read all the books, I've seen all the movies and I've known hundreds and hundreds of gay men and women and considered them friends, confidants and compatriots. I've heard their stories, I've lived some of those stories with them and felt a sense of belonging--a shared sensibility, a shared vocabulary, a shared history, a shared culture--a sense of community.

One of the silly stories that always comes to mind when I think about gay community happened while checking into a hotel the first time in Vegas. We had read somewhere about the $20 trick--which is where you basically bribe your way into a better room. We kinda wanted to try it but I'm such a boy scout... Anyway we agreed that we would do it if we got the clerk who was gay. We got him---and I still wussed out, like I said boy scout. So he's clicking away on his computer and hasn't even looked at us. Name. How long you staying? One bed or two? My partner and I responded in unison: "one". And he stopped typing and finally looked at us, smiled, and said: "good answer, let's get you boys a better room." We got upgraded for free from pretty much the cheapest room in the place to a a really nice suite. It's silly and in the end it didn't really matter, but once again it was that instant shock of recognition--that feeling that this person I don't even know is somehow part of the same story that I am--and if we don't look out for our own who will? I've benefited from that in ways large and small my whole adult life--and I for one am very grateful for it.

 

It's fine to avioid it. It shows your considerate and inclusive of others which is a good thing. On the other hand I think calling it 'the gay community' is just fine at the same time and most people will understand you aren't automatically referring to gays and lesbians exclusively

 

We are a community only in the sense that we have shared experiences in dealing with the rest of the world when it comes to sexuality. To say there are any more similarities between one gay person and the next than any gay vs. straight person is likely inaccurate stereotyping.

 

My thoughts on it are.. well.. I think that the term could be confusing for a lot of young kids, especially those who are just discovering their sexuality and identity and/or are coming out of the closet. Using the term "gay community" could make them think that there is possibly a real community strictly for LGBTQ+ people. Maybe there is? But as far as I know, there isn't.

Though from an adult view, community is more like a group, it doesn't have to be LGBTQ+ people living next to each other as neighbors but more to the point where they have a place to go, groups, galleries, halls, bars.. places where they can go to connect with each other, where they're not going to be judged or feel afraid to express themselves. Maybe we as LGBTQ+ people should start explaining this to the younger generation.

 

Yeah, I feel like it makes being gay seem like a lifestyle choice. Like "drag community", "BDSM community", "goth community" etc.

When of course, it's not like that. It's like saying "the blonde community" or something.

 

It's easier to say "gay community" or "LGBT community" than...

"Chuck, Lisa, Anna, Tony, Josh, Sara, Rick, Melinda, Greg, Alison, Marshal, Mandy, Harold, Duncan, Michael, Susan, Betty, Nick, Frank, Jean, Scott, Ashley, Heather, Justin, The Artist Formerly Known As Prince...

... *millions of names later* ... and Boogalo" community.

 

I usually just say LGBT instead, when talking about something that generally has to do with every non-heterosexual person. I do not (want to) associate with every single person, all in all there are many things I disagree with when it comes to "trendy" or "community" things and activities and I definitely want everything but the so called movement in my country. It's just a bunch of dildo waving guys in a speedo hoping to get accepted by society...which could work out much better imo if they did charitable actions instead of showing off but whatever. I'm pretty sure I've offended too many people with this post as it is so I'll stop now.

 

Heathen!

Turn in your Gay Card, and get out of here with your heresy!

 

Wow--this thread makes me sad... The general consensus seems to be that the only thing we have in common is homophobia. I hardly even notice homophobia in my personal life any more (sure it still gets to me when someone tries to dismiss half the people I know as "a bunch of dildo waving guys in a speedo") and yet the gay community is the principal community I identify with. They are my people--we've grown up together, laughed together, cried together.

For me it's a lot like being Jewish or, I guess from my own experience, Mormon. I remember growing up when new people would move into the congregation and basically all they had to do was show up and say I'm Mormon too and they were introduced to everyone, maybe given a church job and sort of instantly welcomed into this whole community of being Mormon in that neighborhood--instant friends, instant people looking out for you, instant people you were expected to look out for. For me that's what being gay within the gay community is like. I showed up one day and said I was new and I was introduced around and drawn into a circle of friends who showed me the ropes, brought me soup when I was sick, threw croquet parties in the park. We go to brunch and throw potlucks and cheer at each other's rugby matches and drag shows, console each other when terrible things happen and congratulate each other when great things happen.

I remember when my Mother first went through chemo her congregation, her community, had a sign up sheet and a different family brought in dinner every night for three months. That's community! I also remember about the same time one of the guys in our broader circle of gay friends had some medical issues and employment issues which unfortunately happened at the same time and there was a distinct possibility that he might lose his apartment--he just couldn't come up with the rent. He fancied himself a bit of a mixologist so we threw a party. Everybody brought their own booze and mixers and then we bought them back from him, expertly mixed of course, at the going rate and of course we tipped extravagantly because well the bartender was wonderful! We came up with four months rent and he got back on his feet. That too is community--sure it's a different style but the impulse is the same.

It works that way when we travel too--we tend to stay in gay friendly hotels when we can and we always find some sort of gay club or bar or two and every time we meet people to go sight seeing with or to chat over breakfast with. And it all comes down to that sense of "oh you're one of us and your new here, come with us." I understand that community in general seems less important to people than it used to and maybe the "gay community" isn't the community for you. But I know it's been a profound blessing in my life and I hope everyone here finds some group where they can feel that sense of instant ease and belonging.

 

In my personal life I never talk about gay community, only about gay people. The community sounds so passe, like some sixties communists flower hippies. But since the gay culture is much more than just cis gay men, I prefer political term like LGBT party or LGBT organization. And I like that rainbow, isn´t it beautiful! It´s a psychological thing. That makes us an universal group here an earth and I like it that way...a rainbow family.