Subjective Homophobia?

[MusicIsLife]

Is anyone else here the victim of subjective Homophobia, as in, Person A will accept gay women but not gay men? and vice versa.

Me and a guy friend of mine both work at a bookstore, and we realised its happening there as in some male employees are super nice to me, but wont speak to him at all :/

Has this happened to anyone else?

[Wander]

Absolutely. Down here, there's almost no other kind. The guys are convinced that gay males are filthy but lesbian couples are hot, and the women in the reverse.

[White Sundog]

It's very common for straight men to be okay with gay women but not with gay men. My dad always said that he can understand why women would be gay, because he can understand someone finding a woman beautiful, but he can't understand why a man would be gay. (Then again, my dad has also used homophobic slurs to describe the less gender-normative lesbians.)

Men in this culture are often raised to cherish a narrow masculine identity and feel threatened by anything "feminine" in a man such as attraction to men. They likely fear the possibility of this "femininity" in themselves.

I'm not sure how the average straight woman feels about lesbians. I think my own feelings have depended on how (in)secure I was in my own sexuality, but I tried to keep any awkwardness to myself because I knew it was my own battle. But I know a lot of women really "click with" gay men. And my (straight) sister thought it was terrible and obnoxious when my second college roommate, a very "out" lesbian, had a girlie calendar hanging up on her side of our room that a guy friend had given her as a joke. I just figured I had to live with it, and deal with any issues it brought up in myself. (Although I did mostly continue to suppress those "issues" throughout the years to come.)

I exhibit this myself and I don't really know why =\. Like I'll be totally ok with gay women and I think they're amazing but for some reason men being gay bothers me. I don't really know how or why I feel that way but I think a lot of it has to do with what was previously said, how men are conditioned to reject any sort of thing that could be perceived as making then "feminine." I don't treat gay men any differently than gay women but it's like subconsciously I'll be more aloof and standoffish to gay men than gay women without meaning to. I think it definitely has a lot to do with the way society conditions people.

[Leon481]

Yeah, It took me a lot longer to get used to the idea of two women being together than two men. I got past it, but I can understand how people can be like that since I've been through it. It might just take some time, or else they could just be jerks, in which case it's probably best to ignore them.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

I have it slightly in myself :/ I feel like I can understand gay/bi men very easily, but I find it hard to accept lesbians or understand why anyone would be, even though that's me... so that really doesn't help in accepting myself :S I feel like I have an internalised phallo-centricity that makes it hard for me to accept my sexuality.

At school, it definately seems like the straight people are sometimes more tolerant of gay people of the opoosite sex, because it's hot / not so threatening etc. Except some of the boys find gay girls equally threatening because they challenge the "boys are a girl's whole life!" idea.

[Fiorino]

For a while it was hard for me to understand Lesbians,
but I had to remind myself "they have a same-sex
attraction, just like you". I've pretty much gotten
over it, Lesbians are awesome.

[-Michael-]

Yes, gay people are practically worshipped at my college.


But lesbians...may as well be the devil incarnate...

how odd...

[Bunny]

I don't have any problems like that (lesbians are absolutely fine by me) but it's like that a lot around here.

I've even had conversations with one of those idiots who think "oh well lesbians are fine because they're hot but gay dudes? nasty"

[ccdd]

Until very very recently, I didn't know any gay women, only gay men. Between the ages of 14 and about 22, I had MANY conversations with MANY different people about how we all knew gay men, but no lesbians, and about whether or not this was because in some ways it's harder to come out as a woman because they are so little in the public eye and things. For a long time I was definately convinced that it was easier to be a gay guy than a lesbian (although this was reversed in terms of PDA). Suddenly, though I seem to have met A LOT of lesbians in a very short period of time .

As an aside, I find the idea of straight men salivating over lesbians very demeaning. I am gay for my own enjoyment not yours. In fact, men salivating over women in that way is demeaning full stop.

Originally Posted by ccdd

Until very very recently, I didn't know any gay women, only gay men. Between the ages of 14 and about 22, I had MANY conversations with MANY different people about how we all knew gay men, but no lesbians, and about whether or not this was because in some ways it's harder to come out as a woman because they are so little in the public eye and things. For a long time I was definately convinced that it was easier to be a gay guy than a lesbian (although this was reversed in terms of PDA). Suddenly, though I seem to have met A LOT of lesbians in a very short period of time .

As an aside, I find the idea of straight men salivating over lesbians very demeaning. I am gay for my own enjoyment not yours. In fact, men salivating over women in that way is demeaning full stop.

I know what you mean about that. That's why I don't actively drool over lesbians and I don't care too much for people who do. It does turn me on, but I'm not gonna go up to lesbians and be like can I watch you have sex like I've seen a lot of straight men do.

[Kimi]

Originally Posted by Wander

Absolutely. Down here, there's almost no other kind. The guys are convinced that gay males are filthy but lesbian couples are hot, and the women in the reverse.

Sounds about right.

Perhaps straight guys are afraid that gay guys will fuck them like they do to girls?

[xballetxbeautyx]

Yep. My guy friend will only come out to girls because he thinks all straight guys hate gay guys. And I would agree that it's quite different for guys coming out than girls.

[Peter]

I think this is very understandable and you should not make a big deal of it. A straight man likes girls and has no attraction to men. He can therefore understand why a lesbian likes girls but feels that anyone who likes men must be somehow perverted (probably with the exception of his girlfriend/wife). Invert where necessary. Maybe I am simplifying this but it seems as simple as that. I feel the same way about people who enjoy eating liver but don't like chocolate: they are deeply deranged!

[Wander]

Me, personally, I have no problems with lesbians. 100% of the ones I know, whether in person or in the media, are awesome people. A good third of my sense of humor comes from my lesbian aunt.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

Originally Posted by Midnight Angel

I know what you mean about that. That's why I don't actively drool over lesbians and I don't care too much for people who do. It does turn me on, but I'm not gonna go up to lesbians and be like can I watch you have sex like I've seen a lot of straight men do.

Me too! Cools to you, MidnightAngel, for understanding. It's not demeaning that you find it attractive, if you're respectful about it, but when straight guys think it's all just for their entertainment, that no good.

[Mickey]

Originally Posted by shortspl

I think this is very understandable and you should not make a big deal of it. A straight man likes girls and has no attraction to men. He can therefore understand why a lesbian likes girls but feels that anyone who likes men must be somehow perverted (probably with the exception of his girlfriend/wife). Invert where necessary. Maybe I am simplifying this but it seems as simple as that. I feel the same way about people who enjoy eating liver but don't like chocolate: they are deeply deranged!

I think you're absolutely right. And I agree that straight guys get weirded out about gay guys because of the masculinity thing. I think their "man ness" is threatened.
And straight guys make me sick when they "want to watch" 2 women together.
I think lesbians are more accepted.Unfortunetly,it's how society is and will probably always be.
And...YES,people who eat liver and hate chocolate,are most certainly DERANGED!