Scared of loneliness?

Ya I sometimes lose faith that I'll never find someone. I don't know how I cope. I use to cry myself to sleep around 4 times a night back in late 2013 than here and there in 2014. I use to just pretend I was in the future older and with someone. Then one morning on June 11, 2014 I layed in bed and cried all day because I had a dream that I was in the future and I had a really nice bf. then I wake up and I just watched it gets better videos on YouTube.

 

What I will say on this subject is that things can change literally overnight. I often think back to my friend, who is a few years younger than me and who was desperate to find someone.
He had an extremely nice apartment that he co-owned with his sister. Then a girl he thought liked him was just using him to get cheap rent on one of the rooms. She made the mistake of letting someone know who told my friends' sister. Obviously she didn't get the room.
He came round my place the next morning and was very upset and cried, saying how he hated his life. He is like my little brother and it upset me seeing him like this.
Three years on and he is in a good relationship and his girlfriend is expecting their child mid-April.
So don't let the thought of loneliness get to you too much as it can all change before you know it.

 

I don't know about the need to find someone in particular to spend my life with yet ... I'm not feeling that too strongly, even at 21. But what I do feel strongly is this want to be around my friends, just to be with them, talking with them, laughing with them. For some reason, that makes my life feel a lot more complete.

 

I do get lonely, but I never think about ending up alone, at least not since I was partially in the closet and thought finding someone who liked girls was the most difficult thing. I'm a fairly confident person though. Back when those things were always on my mind I found it helpful talking to friends.. I think a lot of times your friends might be going through the same things you are. Best to try and not let it get you down anyway, because you don't know what your future holds and you very well could be holding the love of your life in a few years time. Things can change so easily like that.

 

I'm afraid I can't comment on the 40 plus bit but I am in the three month run-up to my 30th birthday and I've only come out in the last two years and to my parents in January this year. I have never had a relationship with a woman and I would like a family - so to be honest it does scare me that I'm this age I have never even got to the point of having a relationship with the gender I'm actually attracted to.

 

I'm not over 40, but I do get a little more worried with each year that passes. While I'm not at the point where I'm worried I'll be alone forever, I do get scared that I might not find someone before half my life has already gone by. I try not to dwell on it too much, but it does weigh on my mind sometimes.

 

Eh, not 40 but it isn't something I worry about either way.

At this point I don't see myself ever in a relationship anyways, so you can almost say that I accept/welcome this 'loneliness'. Everyday it feels I slowly gain more and more apathy towards the idea of an SO so, nah, it doesn't scare me to just remain to myself.

 

I am terrified of loneliness. Not necessarily in the romantic partner sense. It's deeper than that I think.
it's...a deep connection and love that I fear not having.

 

I used to be scared when I was younger. Now, Im happy with myself.

If you learn to be your own best friend, depend on yourself and not others, then you wont have such issues when getting older.

I have never had a relationship, and for years and years I was depressed because of it. Then I figured out why. And when I realized *I* wasn't the reason I was alone, I felt so much better about everything.

I really don't care about it anymore now. If it happens it happens, but Im not looking for it.

 

Funny this topic should come up. I was just wondering today if I would still be single by the time I'm 40, it's a way off yet because I'm only 29 but as I get older and as an individual lacking certain life experiences, I get more out of sync so to speak with others in my age group, and so the oppourtunities diminish somewhat.

The feeling of loneliness is increasing. Which has come with a degree of surprise to me as somebody who was always a natural loner most of the time, I never really needed anyone before. It was nice having (certain) people around, but I didn't particularly feel their absence much when they weren't. I always preferred alone time so developing a sense of wanting connection is kind of odd for me. So my heart goes out to those who have always felt loneliness, because I'm starting to get a stronger taste of it now and it's not nice in the slightest.

I wouldn't say desperation to find a life partner, because I'm still quite certain I don't want to end up with just anybody I can get simply to have someone. I would rather be alone than with someone who doesn't really get me. The trouble is I hardly ever click with anyone, so finding them is going to be the challenge.

Does the faith diminish? At times when feeling particularly pessimistic (or realistic, depending on your view). But as with all things I think you need to keep the hope alive. The main reason people miss chances when they arise is that they've stopped looking out for them, relationships are no exception. It's human nature to expect things to carry on as they are, but if you get stuck in a rut of thinking: 'this is how it's always been, so this is how it's always going to be,' then in all likelihood you won't even see the oppourtunity when it does arise.

To cope with feelings of loneliness: I'm tempted to give the line about how you don't need a relationship to define you which, whilst absolutely true, doesn't do much to shift a pressing emotion. I never needed anyone else to define me, and yet here I am developing a worsening case of lonesome-itis. Distraction works well. Keeping busy and focusing the mind on non-negative things; if the feeling is already there it doesn't need encouragement to grow any bigger by being dwelt upon. And maintaining an 'anything can happen' outlook. Also, though some may laugh at the idea there is much to be said for having a rich fantasy life. It's healthy and soothing to imagine having someone at your side when such an asset is sorely lacking, and there's nothing wrong with such thoughts provided they doesn't interfere with ones perception of reality. Whatever helps you keep positive essentially.

Oh and if you do happen to encounter loneliness at some point, give it a nice big kick up the arse from me. :lol:

 

Yup, this... I quit being scared at 25 or so.

Naw, I'm not scared, I've had enough from relationship stress and all the troubles that comes with having a significant other. Most of the time is just not worth it.

Everytime the relatives ask me about my status, I don't experience any guilt or shame, I'm quite proud I'm still free as a bird, you know... I pity them :icon_wink

I'm quite independent and don't need anyone to be happy. Some people need someone and that's ok I guess... To me being with somebody it's more like a + in life. I'm also a widower, so it's not like I have a ton of options anyways.

 

To quote Franklin D Roosevelt: "All you have to fear, is fear itself."

I cannot emphasize enough that if you go into a relationship from a basis of the fear of being alone, you are most likely willing to be blind to a whole host of negative attributes in your potential partner. DO NOT go into a relationship just so you won't be alone. It is entirely possible that you may find yourself lonely while in a relationship.

I was 33 when I married and yes, I very much wanted the whole family scene. I did get it, but at such cost!

As Vodkabaret said above, being outside of a relationship does not necessarily mean loneliness. The state of being alone does not equal loneliness (no matter how much others around you may think so). The freedom to do as I please is not something I would be willing to give up so readily after 20 years of hard marriage.

Every relationship; let me repeat that: every relationship will involve certain limits to what you want to do, it will involve compromise, endless negotiation and there will be pain, dear friends, and sometimes more than you can bear.

The trick is...you need to find someone worth suffering for...

 

The past is gone, the future does not yet exist. My greatest reward is in this moment and that I am alive. All there is in the present are possibilities for the future, and these possibilities do take up a lot of our attention. Nevertheless, it is important to remember that the present needs most of our attention.

If we are in the presence of someone who wishes to spend some time with us, whether it be for a day, a night, a few years, or a lifetime, it is important to be present for them as well. Focusing on better days ahead is a sign of hope, but focusing on what is in the here and now is a sign of love.

 

Considering I went into a relationship with the person I cherished as my "best friend", the feelings of loneliness are ever stronger ironically. I went into this relationship for seemingly wrong reasons and that fact has caused me to feel guilt because I can not reciprocate her intimacy. There was the pressure of loneliness and losing an opportunity at something greater. Our relationship has changed dramatically and I'm still the horny, shallow teenager I was before....
Being forever alone has crossed my mind when I think of old age and becoming too enfeebled and weak, too much of burden and thereby worthless to anyone. I want to feel needed...I'm a loner and that reality is most greatly my own fault; I'm unable to commit because I fear intimacy, I'm scared that I get too close to people and they will reject me later. Commitment is a huge sacrifice and I'm a very reckless and free-floating individual.

Online apps help a tremendously because I've met some guys who are fascinating and I can get to talk about my unconventional thoughts without any social reprisal other than being ignored. I can't really ignore these feelings because I'm the type of guy that fixates on things to the point that I create fantasies. They may be maladaptive. Writing helps me. I get verses and connections spontaneously and then I write them down before I forget them. Stress really motivates me in a strange way.
Those moments are the ones when I am most creative because I fixate on things, and when I fixate on things I think too much, and we all know that thinking too much makes you understand something even if it's still more complicated than before.....works for me, not for all.

 

I think that most people are afraid to grow up without a partner because that's what's expected of them. Grow up, get a job, find a partner, get married and have kids. If you don't do that, one could feel like a total failure and think that something is wrong with them, when in fact, nothing is. Nothing is wrong if you haven't found someone. Don't get married because you're alone and you feel you need to, that could end badly. Get married because you want to spend the rest of your life with the person you're with. Get married because you want to.

You don't HAVE to get married and you don't HAVE to have someone to have a proper life.

 

I've never been in a relationship or done anything romantic with anyone, and yeah I know I'm young, but everyone being in a relationship except me takes a toll on my confidence and loneliness. I've been so lonely my counselor pointed out as a legitimate problem.