How do you feel about people mentioning gender roles in same-sex relationships?

HAHAHAHA! :roflmao:

I havent heard of such conversation, but I find it really stupid when he said that he's the "girl" when in a relationship. I'll probably do the same with my eyes if I hear that kind of conversation.

 

I don't mind it when my friends, who know I'm gay, ask.

Here is a thread with a poll on the subject here on EC.

http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/165387-top-bottom.html

 

Oh yeah, my dad has said that in a gay relationship there's "a guy" and "a girl".. =|

It's not true, there's not necessarily a "guy" and "girl". And if one is more effeminate, I'd never ever call that person "the girl". Why? Because it's a guy. How hard can it be.

 

It's annoying. The last thing I want in a straight relationship (well aside from abuse and rape and stuff but that goes without saying...) is to have normative gender roles shoehorned in, let alone a queer relationship. Gender roles should go die in a fire.

 

I'm personally okay with couples having different roles such as having a dominant/submissive and masculine/feminine structure.

However, saying "I'm the girl" in the relationship is quite annoying. And honestly even straight couples don't work that way.

Plus what does it even mean?

You're more submissive? Then I know a lot of straight men who are girls in their relationships.

You show a feminine side? Then I know a lot of straight men who are girls in their relationships.

You're the one who gets penetrated? You realize some straight men also like prostate play?

Your boyfriend proposed marriage? You clean the house and do the dishes? You follow your boyfriends' lead? Again, describes many STRAIGHT couples involving a passive male by choice.

There are no universal gender roles. Lots of straight women wear the pants. I even know plenty of straight couples that involved the girl pressuring the guy for sex after the first date when he didn't want to, and straight men who fantasize about cutsey romantic things.

It's bullshit.

 

Since the guy labeled or viewed himself that way, shouldn't it be accepted? Some people truly view themselves in a certain role and enjoy their role because they identify with it. This kind of makes me think of the show Will and Grace in which Jack often calls himself a "girl." I think the main issue is when "others' in society try to categorize people against their true self.

 

I confess that when I was younger, I thought that's how it had to be. Now that I know, I do and don't mind. It depends on how they put it, like if someone walked up to me and someone who I was in a relationship with and said, "Which one is the boy and which one is the girl?" in a curious way, I wouldn't mind. But if they where doing it to be rude, I would be slightly annoyed just purely based on the fact that they're being rude. I wouldn't go super saiyan on them or anything but maybe just a small comment to put them in their place.

 

Maybe he meant he was the catcher...But to answer your question, I don't get annoyed...It's one of the first things a woman asks me when I come out to her...I just tell her that if we're both guys, how can one of us be a girl?

 

I really don't care, I have friend who have asked how that works.(respectfully and a bit embarrassed about asking actually) So, I explained and they actually said they wished their relationships were more like ours. Many times these type of comments are due to ignorance and once explained, the ignorance is gone. Not that we owe an explanation, but honestly, if we just explain it is egalitarian how we get things done, then people get it. We don't have those horrible stereotype that Hets have to live by, or THINK they do.(the man does this and the woman does that) Everyone is curious about that which they have no knowledge of and education is how understanding happens.

My .02

 

It's ridiculous to say "the man" and "the woman". Best to say the dominant and the submissive.

 

:/

 

I think it's alright to say something like that, it's probably easier to understand for some people and it might be harder for them to use the word submissive and dominant. I would personally call myself the submissive one, another would call themselves dominant. It's not the use of the word but rather the simplicity of what you call yourself. Someone with a low level education may not understand submissive and dominant, but they may understand girl and boy.

 

I've had this asked of me several times, "so, who's the girl?"

My response is always, "we're both guys, that's kind of the point."

 

well i do get upset
but hey in the end i like being the soft caring mother in that future family but thats just a role not a gender role and no not in all gay relationships they must have a girl and a guy roles thats wrong

 

Gender roles are bullshit, and it's even more ridiculous when people apply them to same-gender relationships.

 

That's their own choice. If they want to have those roles and it makes their relationship better, who am I to condemn them? Just because it might not work for you, doesn't mean it can't work for anyone else.

I could easily see being "the girl" in a relationship. I guess that makes me weird, I don't care.

 

First of all, this annoys me.

I can see there being a masc/femm relationship, a protector/protected relationship, even a dominant/submissive relationship. Just don't call it a man/woman relationship. While both of you are men (or women).

What if I said "I'm the women"....but, I'm basing it off of my observation that a lot of women work and take care of business in my culture. You know what I mean? Women shouldnt only be associated with the submissive/feminine/protected role.

 

But it also enforces sexist beliefs about men and women.