I am in a relationship with my boyfriend, who is gay. He knows I am bi. I have said this to him several times. Yet, he will mention our relationship as being between "2 gay guys" when talking about it in the 3rd person. Should I correct him? Have you had your bisexuality marginalized in a same sex relationship? I feel bad for being offended, but it seems like bi-erasure to me. At the same time, I don't want to seem homophobic.
Hi there I think that would bother me as well. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting to be recognized by your significant other for what you are, that's a totally normal thing. I can't relate to having my bisexuality marginalized in a same-sex relationship, however I can in regards to a heterosexual one. Even if they may not see it as a big deal, it's an important part of ones identity and it's worth bringing up if it bothers you! After all, relationships are built better on honesty Hope I helped at least a bit!
For the sake of simplicity, you can call yourselves a "gay couple." However for him to say you're two gay guys is not the best way to put it. Why not just "two guys"? because that sort of implies their orientation hehe.
Honestly, most of the time I call myself gay because it's simpler, and it's close enough. To a lot of people, gay=not straight, and I guess that works for me.
You have a valid concern, in my opinion. You're in a relationship - he's gay and you're bi, if that's where you both identify yourselves on the continuum of sexuality. It's no different from Brad Pitt, straight, being with Angeline Jolie, who has in the past identified as bisexual. I probably wouldn't bring it up if it's just a minor irritant. I would bring it up when it becomes a chafing point or if it looks like it's going to escalate and keeping it up bottled up, for both of you, might bring about resentment.
I brought it up casually when we were talking to a female friend of his on the phone(on speaker). I can't remember the verbiage I used, but I was very polite and respectful. He asked me after why I didn't identify as gay. I just said that I like guys more than girls, but it does not erase the attraction. He was ok with it. I think we can move on.
It seems to me as an example of bi-erasure. It may not be intentional, but if you want to be perceived in a truthful way, you have a right to be identified correctly. Happy days
Ugh, don't let things escalate to a chafing point. That's how I ended up married to the wrong person for 21 years... If it's enough to have you posting here, find a way to deal with it positively, without judging him. Could be he's just used to saying, me and my gay boyfriend.
Correct him if if bothers you. It's technically a gay relationship, but if you feel more comfortable being referred to as queer, non-straight, or some variation of such, let him know. Of course, just "relationship between two guys" also works. Not a huge request, and if he's worthy, he'll honor your wishes.
I mean it is not a huge deal. But it is helping to contribute to bi erasure. I am in a straight relationship with a bi guy but also have a bi girlfriend... idk it works for all of us. Those who know I have a girlfriend also know I am bi obviously. And our friends and my boyfriend's family know we are bi. My girlfriend always referes to herself as bi. My boyfriend sometimes referes to himself as straight and sometimes as bi (his bisexual attraction is less than mine) so I am cool with however he wants to identify. But my boyfriend and my girlfriend know that I want to be identified as bi as opposed to straight or lesbian and they always refere to me as bi if there is even a reason to bring up my sexuality. There might be situations when I am with my boyfriend that we will be viewed as a straight couple and situations when I am with my girlfriend that my girlfriend and I am viewed as a lesbian couple. And I am not ok with that; I want to be viewed as bisexual because that is what I am so if my sexuality ever comes up in conversation, I want to be identified as bisexual. I don't want to be part of bi errasure. Anyway... my long winded point... if you want to be identified as bi (especially by your boyfriend who should know and respect who you are) tell him to please refere to you as bisexual if he brings up your sexuality and let him know why this is important to you.
Me and my boyfriend are both bisexual and we are fine being considered a straight couple, even though we are more correctly a bisexual couple. I don't mind being considered either or
