How Important is Experience in a Relationship?

This is kind of a toss up to me, hypothetically ofc. On one hand, considering I have no relationship/dating experience myself, it would seem nice to have someone as a guide of sorts. On the other, it seems just as interesting (if not more so) to run into someone else with no experience either and learn the tricks of the trade together.

I've also seen stuff from the side of an inexperienced person(said people just spoke of it hypothetically I guess), ranging from the 'innocence' of lack of experience being cute to them feeling being someone's first date, etc. involves too much pressure or something.

 

No, I don't care how experienced they are.

I believe you can't 'learn' how to do something like kissing. Every time you get into relationship you start a new experience, so it's all new, new person to get to know. Ofcourse it's important to talk about it when in a relationship, but it isn't that important.

 

As I don't have much experience myself when it comes to dating, and none when it comes to being in a relationship, I actually prefer to be with someone unexperienced.

I would feel weird if I was with someone with a lot of experience, when I have none.

 

Being a blank slate myself, I wouldn't mind if someone else was. In a way, I think a situation like that would be more comfortable. But having someone with more experience would be nice also. So someone having or not having experience wouldn't matter much to me.

 

Doesn't matter to me~. I guess I might prefer someone not very experienced because I'm not experienced myself, and that way we'd both be on the same page.

 

I would think it comes down to how well two parties communicate. Communication is at the heart of any relationship. If the two parties communicate well, then the can learn each others expectations and work out differences.

 

In my first serious relationship with my boyfriend before he passed away we both really had no dating experience. I mean we had online relationships and stuff like that but we learned how have a good relationship as time went on and always worked on communicating better. So i would be ok with dating a guy with no experience as long as we communicate and understand each other. The main thing i want in a guy is a faith in christ which is more important than experience.

 

If they have a willingness to learn, then it doesn't really matter how much or how little experience they have. I used to have a preference for corrupting blank slates.

It isn't like posting the first comment on a YouTube video, I promise. It's probably because I was initially terrified in my first relationship. Somehow that transformed into a lot of confidence in my second relationship. It's a little twisted, but I feel empowered when people are scared. It wasn't until later that I discovered it's more fun when people have some fight in them.

In every relationship, you have a new mind to explore and only so much knowledge can be transferred. You must determine experimentally the best ways to blow their unique mind. Obviously, like others say, communication is vital.

There's no such thing as too experienced. There's always more to learn. If somebody believes they know everything, well, they're full of nonsense.

I have a lot of red flags. One example is whenever somebody claims they have no limits. Therefore... they'd be okay losing some limbs!? xD

 

From what I have experienced, the amount of experience a person does or doesn't have is only different when it comes to the confidence of doing something sexually, not anything to do with their level of quality to perform a sexual act itself. I have had sexual partners that slept around a lot that were horrible in bed because they didn't care about their partners needs or desires and have had much better experiences with quality from someone who had very few sexual experiences. If the more experienced person can be patient and the less experienced person try to relax into the situation, then it can be both a positive and pleasurable experience for both parties. Every person loves a little differently. Each sexual experience has been new and exiting for me because even kissing techniques can vary vastly from one person to another regardless of sexual experience.

 

Seeing as I have very little experience myself it's not an issue for me. I might even prefer it in some ways. There's something very alluring about the idea of learning things together rather than having one partner being more experienced than the other. Shared discovery. Of course at the age I am now I have to be realistic that that's unlikely to happen, most people my age or older will be more experienced than me. And if I was to meet someone a few years younger than myself they would in all likelihood expect experience in an older partner.

Kissing experience: again not really an issue. My own experience only went as far as a bit of trying it out as a child/young teenager so I can't claim to have learned any great skill with it yet. I'd take it as a compliment if someone wanted me to be their first kiss, which I have actually been before but in that instance the person in question simply grabbed me and kissed me by surprise (rather hard and unpleasantly), then after informed me that he'd "just had his first ever kiss," and it was sort of like well, even though it wasn't an enjoyable one I might have been flattered that you wanted it to be with me - had you not just taken it without permission!

So long as someone is willing to learn and show some common sense with how they handle the situation (and me!) then it's all fine. Awkwardness is ok, but not being grabby/disrespectful/thoughtless; see above.

I don't think too much experience in itself would be a problem, depends how they handle it. Admittedly I'd probably feel a little out of my depth. The only real issue is if somebody expects me to know and/or do lots of stuff because they've grown accustomed to it. But oddly enough this doesn't seem to be an issue reserved to the experienced anymore. There's this generational thing now where even those who are relatively inexperienced have grown up watching all these various things in porn that they get into their heads that everyone does, and then approach a relationship with the expectation of being able to do those things.



Honestly the thing that concerns me most about my own lack of experience isn't even the physical stage if myself and a partner were to get that far - it's the social stage. There's that whole 'getting to know you' bit where you're supposed to possess a certain dating etiquette in terms of how you talk to someone and phrase things etc. I've never done this myself and from what I've observed of it I think I would be loath to. I mean I could act a certain way if expected to, but it would be just that: acting. I'd be doing it through gritted teeth because I so hate that concept that you have to follow all these stupid rules about how to behave around someone you like when you're 'playing the dating game' :dry: . So in this respect, once again I wouldn't be bothered by someone else with lack of experience, might even be more comfortable (assuming they don't act really rude towards me or blow their nose on the tablecloth while I'm eating or something :lol: ).

 

Experience doesn't matter. As long as I have a connection with someone, their experience or lack of isn't important at all.

 

In theory couldn't you just read books and online articles, on the subject and gain knowledge that way? Instead of having to experience all the relationship mistakes first hand.

 

I sure hope not, because I've never kissed anyone, and if people have that attitude, I never will. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?

 

Not at all...every relationship is new territory...a new discovery...it's a fresh start and experience...so I don't believe experience means very much.

 

No, I consider relationships an exploration. I would prefer to teach and learn from my partner.

As for kissing, I have kissed two men, and they were too aggressive. It felt like combat, and I didn't like it. They were "experienced."

Adrienne

 

I would venture to say that it is not experience per se that is important, it is how one thinks about it that matters.

An experienced person can enter into a relationship with a jaded perspective, a kind of "seen-it-all" attitude. Conversely, someone who is the less experienced person in a couple can also see this as intimidating and may not speak up for his or herself because he or she defers to that person's experience.

I agree with tscott, the proper attitude, whether or not someone is experienced is discovery, the idea that every person is different and needs to be treated as someone completely new. Sure, the more experienced person could recognize certain patterns and motifs, but keeping a "beginner's mind" does wonders for a new relationship, because it is grounded in the now.

It has been said that experience is just another word for mistakes. If one has truly learned from the experience of past relationships, one is, in a sense, bringing a new person to a new relationship. In a very real sense one is not only learning about a new partner, one is learning about a new self in that relationship as well.

 

Experienced in what? Sex? Emotions? Dealing with people?

I prefer a virgin with open mind to a master with no flexibility.

People are in most ways unique and every relationship is an adventure of its own. So in a sense we are all inexperienced when we start a new one. Learning is the most fun part of a relationship.

 

As someone with no experience, I'd prefer to not be alone in that. As long as they're willing to try new things, I will be too. Can't put my finger on it exactly, but "too-experienced" is definitely a thing.