St Patrick's Day fact for everyone - there's a good chance he was gay

Well, either gay or a murderer, which yes, is a curious pair of things to be confused between.

We know that when he was getting on a bit, something shocking about his past came out, and there were attempts to have him put on trial and stripped of all titles decades after the event. By his own account, whatever it was was something he did in a single hour of madness in his youth, but he never tells us what.

There are three crimes that Christians of the time took particularly seriously. One is idolatry, but it seems unlikely for a teen to spend an hour worshipping idols. Another was sex outside marriage, but it still seems a bit weird for people to have gotten so excited about it if it was with a girl. But if it was with a boy that makes it more plausible that they'd get excited, and that's something a teen might be prone to and could do in an hour.

And the third is murder, which also fits the bill. Whichever it was, we'll probably never know.

Actually the whole of Patrick's life (as he told it) was really bizarre, and anyone even slightly sceptical would consider it very far fetched.

In brief - son of a wealthy family on the west coast of Britain. Kidnapped by Irish pirates at 16, then spent 6 years a slave. Then he got religion. He fasted, and heard a voice telling him he'd be home soon. He escaped and travelled 200 miles to a dock (despite being obviously an escaped slave, having no survivalist experience, having just been fasting, and presumably an aversion to stealing). He never tells us where he was or anywhere he went when he escaped.

Found a boat. Captain refused to take him. He prayed to God. Captain changed his mind and said he'd carry Patrick on the condition that he suckle each of the sailors' breasts. He refused. They dropped the issue. They took 3 days to sail to Britain (it shouldn't take more than one). On landing, Patrick and the sailors walked 28 days through the wilderness without seeing another soul. Really, where had they been sailing to? Who was navigating? They were starving, until they found a herd pigs by the road (hang on - road?) and also some honey, with no pigherder being mentioned by Patrick. (Actually this whole story sounds suspiciously like the Israelites escaping from Egypt.)

And then he got home. And decades later, on the request of the Irish Christians, the Pope sent them a Bishop and picked Patrick. Yes, there were Christians there before Patrick. There were even Saints before Patrick, but Patrick was more successful than them. And we have accounts from before Patrick was born saying that there were no snakes in Ireland.

So anyway, that's that. Hope I haven't ruined anyone's view of the man. There were other bizarre things he claimed which I've left out for brevity. Happy St Patrick's Day everyone!

Oh and he strongly disapproved of alcohol...