Glad I'm not straight

I think straight relationships have too many gender roles and expectations that both gay men and lesbians can see from either side. So I can agree for my own reasons.

I hate the idea that I'm more expected to be submissive. And while straight men are expected to pay and do romantic favors, women are expected to fulfill the men's sexual needs while theirs are either ignored (Most straight guys don't give oral sex) or both parties agree to a very limited, narrow minded view of what sex is and the methods of how it should be done.

Just find the whole mechanics of straight relationships boring; and while there are exceptions....gay relationships generally have more freedom.

 

Actually what you are complaining about is something alot of my female friends don't like either.(and yes they're straight)
They just feel like they are treated like someone that can't stand on her own two feet if you get what i mean.

 

I agree with Fallingdown7 on straight relationships having too many and strict gender roles and expectations. If I were in a relationship with a guy I would definitely want us to be equal.

My own parents don't actually follow gender roles that much. My dad has always been the one who cooks in the house and when I've told people that they have been surprised which has made me surprised because in my eyes it's totally normal and what I grew up with.

 

Some women like to have their cake and eat it too. They want all the perks of being treated equally, but they don't want the burdens of equality. An example being, they don't have to pay for a meal, this is nice, because they can keep their own money, allowing them to do their own thing, as the man is socially expected to do this. Women don't have to register with Selective Services (almost always) either, like men do, it's optional. Most seem fine with this.

But the keyword here is some. Not all women are going to operate like that. Sadly, enough women are taught, growing up, that you let a man spoil you but not provide for you. This way, you can be independent, but still milk the perks from a man. My sister is like this, and is the first to throw a fit, if her husband asks her to pick up some food, on the way home from work, as an example. However, if he doesn't pick up food when asked, it's a crime. She has this idea that a man should do as she requests, because it asserts her independence, while being asked to do anything is an order, or linked to being oppressed.

It's quite annoying, really. But you know, she's had boyfriends and is married, so... she's got to be doing something right.

I hold doors open for anybody, not just because of their sex. Ideally, I'd like to split bills 50/50, but I am okay with paying for it all, if I initiated the date. That just seems to be common dating etiquette. Anybody that was trying to milk me, I wouldn't be too fond of, because it reveals their idea of balance and dynamics in, not just life, but a relationship. I'd like give and take, not give and give.

This goes for male or female.

Also, it's easy to find the one fucked up relationship and remember it, and let the two or three decent-to-great ones remain unnoticed, because that's how people are. This is why bad news grips the front pages and talk shows focus on negatives, it's a fascinating train wreck for people. I've seen some wonderful heterosexual couples, but I'll admit, they don't stand out as much as the more negative ones, because the good ones don't let their business get out there like that. There's not much excitement to keep one latched on, like the dysfunctional or limiting ones.

 

Well there are some advantages.for example the guy is expected to confess his feelings first.Not having to put your heart on the line must be a great advantage.
(though you're probably missing something important if you never do it...)

 

Oh, come on. I have always split the bill with my male dates, even if they want to pay for my half too. And what is it to you if someone wants to treat their partner to a meal? I've bought dinner for my ex-boyfriend before, because we had a relationship based on respect and maturity and we communicated well about money issues. Not all straight relationships are the man running after the woman as she demands non stop jewels and free meals! Your post just reeks of misogyny to me. Women only being with a man for free stuff? 'Doing him a favour'? Oddly enough, we do have feelings and can care about our partners :dry:

I like these forums a lot but I have noticed a couple of times some seriously ridiculous and ignorant generalisations of straight couples/straight people. Almost like an 'us and them' mentality.

 

Well,that's your opinion, and you are entitled to that. Me on the other hand love it when a man spoils me rotten. I love it when a man pays for everything for me(although once in a while I will spoil him too), and I love it when a man in the DAMN MAN in a relationship. I can't stand a pussy,weak,indecisive man that's insecure about his role in this world.

 

Oh the irony of the two posts above me :lol:

Agreed, I don't like those gender expectations. Nothing wrong with a straight relationship that does play by gender roles, but it's the expectation that this is how it has to be that is the problem. Now, I wouldn't mine having some of the "female" role in a gay relationship, but not to the point where I get spoiled and treated like I can't do anything for myself. There has to be a balance somewhere. I haven't been in a relationship long enough to really figure out how that works, though.

 

How is my post ironic? Would love to hear you expand on that for me.

 

It's the two posts together that make it ironic. You posted about how they're ignorant stereotypes and they don't really apply to you and then the person below you said they love those stereotypical gender roles. It was just kinda funny to me.

 

My last relationship was pretty much the opposite to what you described, so I'm inclined to disagree.

Happy days

 

Oh :lol:

Well I suppose Ivy Saints has her preferences. I've never known any woman to be in a relationship like that, it's not that common. I'm not saying stereotypes don't exist for a reason but anybody with a bit of sense in their head knows that not all women are money-grabbing shallow bints. And anyone who thinks otherwise rightly deserves to be called a misogynist.

 

This is the kind of thing that makes me glad that I'm not in a relationship, period. Too much (potential) nonsense.

Although it obviously isn't all het relationships, you can't deny that it is seen as some kind of societal code that should be followed(and, for many, many couples, is).

Then which man in a same-sex relationship is the DAMN MAN? You're free to like whatever you like and it's not wrong to like being spoiled but the bolded is -exactly- what needs to be addressed as a problem. Why should a man(or woman) be expected to do/be 'this and that' in a relationship solely because of their gender?

 

1.)I don't think about gay men relationships,and whatever roles they are. They are free to do whatever, and be whoever they want in a relationship. As long it does not involve me, I am good.

2.) I expect MY MAN to spoil ME! I don't care what other women want. Yeah sure, I might look at women who pays for everything in relationship as weird,or desperate,and self-loathing, but hey, if they like it,I love it.

 

You said you like it when a man is the "DAMN MAN". With the caps and everything, that strongly implies you think a man needs to spoil his partner just to be a man. And it is those kinds of gender role beliefs that I really wish would die.

 

That too, but also knows how be dominated when is called for.Listen to me, provide,someone who is strong and able. Someone who knows he can't be me as a woman, and I can't be him as a man, and someone who don't compete with women.

In other words, I have my own idea; image of what I want in my man.

 

And their sex life is all about the man? Many straight women complain that men just roll over and fall asleep as soon as they've had their orgasm, not at all caring that she hasn't had an orgasm yet. And women are often expected to cook, clean and do the laundry. If they have a baby, the woman is expected to give up her job to stay at home to take care of the baby. So, really? It's all about the woman?

Maybe this is a Dutch thing, but most straight couples I know do actually share the bill in restaurants.

 

What I don't like about some women is they always think just because they're a women they can get what they want. I've over heard girls at bars saying they don't need money because they can just find some guy to buy them drinks even though they have no interest in them.

I remember one time I was at a bar and turned my head left to look for my friends and some chick wearing the smallest shirt ever told me to stop starring at her boobs. I don't look or act gay but it pisses me off she would even think that's what I was doing also I'm sure she wasn't wearing that outfit to not get noticed and later on that night some girl got pissed off because I kept telling her to stop flirting with me. She seriously thought I was either going to buy her a drink or take her home almost like she's entitled just because she's a chick.

When it comes to marriage it all depends on the guy/girl. My sister and her husband split everything 50/50 when it comes to house chores. They both cook, both do laundry and both grocery shop etc. But then you got someone like my aunt that completely controls her husband and expects him to run to her at the snap of the finger. It's sickening.

 

I think this just about gets to the root of the issue. While some heterosexual relationships can be subversive, they tend to be the exception to the rule, and definitely catch a lot of flack from others.

And not that gendered norms are non-existent within the gay community, but there seems to be more understanding and openness towards them. Some couples "need" a top/bottom or masc/fem dynamic, while others don't.