So, basically, I need to rant :/ (sorry) I posted a couple of pictures on my Facebook community page. We have this thing called the Ship Game, where you post a selfie and the admins tell you who they ship you with. (Who they think you should get with from TV/Movies/etc) I posted mine to the page saying "sorry for breaking your computer screen with my face" And someone commented with the age old "if you thought you were ugly, you wouldn't have posted" Which kinda upset me. :/ I post pictures because I think I'm ugly and it's nice when people tell me I'm not, because in real life, my friends always joke about how I'm ugly, and I have pretty low self confidence anyway. Does that make me an attention seeker? What do you think about pictures posted with captions like that?
It definitely depends. For me (this is NOT personally meant, but in general) it seems like someone needs a confidence boost. If someone says "I'm ugly" and the person is in my opinion not ugly at all, then I think the person has a low self-esteem. So someone might say "you're not ugly" to help you. :icon_bigg However, if the person just keeps posting those things, then yes, I'd feel quite like "that person again? Why doesn't she want to realise that she's NOT ugly?" People might take it the wrong way. I wouldn't ever say someone is blatantly seeking attention, but I can understand why some might see it that way. My advice is, don't be too negative about yourself. :icon_bigg People can say you're pretty even when you don't call yourself ugly. (*hug*)
Well, this isn't the answer you're going to want to hear, but it's what I honestly think and you asked so: Yes, I think they are usually attention-seeking. You said it yourself--it's nice when people tell you you're not. People who post "I'm ugly" on a picture of themselves want to hear "aww, no you're not!" in response. Doesn't that mean that the whole point of posting those is to elicit compliments and have people tell you you're not ugly? That sounds like fishing for compliments to me. There's nothing inherently wrong with that, but you're going to get people who see what you're doing and they might not respond positively to it. If you keep getting told you're not ugly but you keep saying you are, you're going to get people who think you're being disingenuous and are only saying it to ensure you get nothing but positive responses. Think about it. If you post "I'm hot stuff" as a caption, you're going to get less compliments because people can see you're already confident. But if you say "I'm ugly", you kind of guarantee that people will say something positive, because they feel like they're doing you a service and boosting your confidence.
I agree. If it happens a lot, I feel the same. I dunno, I guess I just feel like I need to apologise for them having to see my selfies :/ ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2015 at 08:57 AM ---------- Also, forgot to add to the original, I'm an admin of the page, so I feel like it's only fair that if the people who like the page submit their pictures to be judged, I should do the same. And I've been running this game every week for a year and a half, and have only posted my own picture 3 times throughout that. (I barely use my personal Facebook page)
Well if you're submitting these photos to be judged, that kind of puts everyone on equal playing field. They're probably all apprehensive about how they'll be received to some degree. It doesn't seem necessary to say you're ugly on them, just let people judge for themselves. Saying "I'm ugly" is sort of like a safeguard against anyone actually saying that, you know? But if these people aren't jerks, they're not going to.
Yeah, I agree. It is kinda fishing for compliments. The trouble is that if you put 'I'm hot stuff' people tend to think you're a show off, or bigheaded. And even if you don't post any comment, people just seem to think 'she posted a picture because she wants us to look at her and think she's pretty', and people still think badly of you for it :/ ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2015 at 09:01 AM ---------- Yeah, I guess. You make a good point
Here's the thing: There's no question that when you put "I'm ugly" or "Sorry I'm breaking your screen", you are absolutely fishing for compliments and seeking attention. But putting "I'm hot stuff" is equally attention-seeking. What both are doing is externalizing your sense of self, and that isn't healthy, it's asking others to validate that you're a good person, or you're attractive, or worthy, or whatever. And that's dangerous because then, when someone doesn't say positive things, it makes you feel like complete shit. Your worthiness has to come from inside. And that isn't easy. But it's core to being a happy, wholehearted person. If this is something you want to work on, you might take a look at Brené Brown's TED talks "The Power of Vulnerability" and "The Price of Invulnerability." If you feel a connection, then reading "The GIfts of Imperfection" would probably do a lot to help you better understand how to learn to love and accept yourself, without externalizing validation. It's good that you're talking about this, and even better that you're open to hearing the criticism and thinking about it. Those are all signs of a healthy attitude toward personal growth. Keep talking, thinking, doing
That sounds kind of fun and amusing. Are you upset that you're being denied potential compliments, or are you upset that this person has, in a way, called you out and made you feel guilty? That is going to be the most telling tidbit. Chip covered it pretty well, let me begin by saying that. The one thing that stands out to me is, you say your friends always joke about you being ugly. I could see, maybe, joking here and there, but a common frequency? That's a bit fucked up, I think. But, I don't know your friends as well as you do, so that isn't worth much. Still, I felt it worth pointing out. Do your friends know about your self-esteem issues? If so, they should show a little more concern. If not, it's important to realize, the standard of attractiveness is different for everybody, despite what society and publications tell you. If you strive for that universal standard, you're never going to find it, and you'll be lost in a sea of facades and illusions. You have to work on what you do have, because that is the standard you can best reach; and that is fine, because somebody out there is just waiting for you to embrace yourself, so they can say: "God damn, who's that ForNarnia?! I's gots to get to know her!" As for the whole putting-a-picture-up-for-praise, if it works for you, go ahead. But validation is very similar to drugs. The first few times are euphoric, but eventually you'll need more and more to get back to that same level, and chasing that high, you'll wind up digging yourself deeper and deeper into misery. This is why it is important to remember, rock what you got, because nobody's got what you got! <3
Yes, saying "sorry for breaking your screen" or saying something negative about yourself in a caption is definitely fishing for compliments. However, almost every caption is fishing for a reaction. I can make fun of myself, but most of the time I'll say something about my hair or my clothes in captions of selfies I take. I don't really think either is bad, or that one is better than the other. What many do, however, is that they seek external validation when they do this, which isn't healthy. However, if any external negative comments you get do not put you down, there are usually no worries at all. There are also some studies that have came out and said the more a person (particularly males) takes selfies, the more they operate on narcissism. An interesting study you can take for what it's worth.
Basically, I put it up for the same reason that other people join the game, I wanted to know who people shipped me with, which is why I was upset that this person acted like I'd put it up purely for attention. Though, admittedly, I hoped people would ship me with someone cute, because it's a bit of a confidence boost. I put the comment about breaking people's screens because I always feel like people will see my selfies and go 'why the hell would she post that? she looks terrible'. Like one of the earlier posters said, if I insult myself first, no-one can use it against me later. As for my friends, they don't really realise how much the constant insults bother me, but y'know, that's just how they are. It doesn't make me like them any less. Anyhoo, I edited the post so it doesn't say the screen breaking thing anymore. (To be honest, until she mentioned it, I hadn't even realised it'd bother anyone.) First time I've ever put anything like that, and I guess last time :/ Anyway, it's fine now. I've just been really low lately, and I overreacted. ---------- Post added 21st Mar 2015 at 11:22 AM ---------- Yeah, I heard about that too. I only take about 10-15 selfies in a year, though, so I doubt that's what it is (I've had the same profile pic on Facebook for a year because I hate taking them so much)
