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Not Feeling Queer Enough...

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Asexual Pirate, Mar 21, 2015.

  1. Asexual Pirate

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    Do any of you ever feel like you're not queer enough for the LGBT community?

    I was out at an LGBT bar the other night with one of my lesbian friends and I was struck with the feeling of not fitting in. Here I was an asexual girl in her first ever relationship that just so happens to be with a heterosexual boyfriend, surrounded by LGBT individuals. I often feel like I don't fit into the LGBT community since I appear to most as perfectly straight.

    Does this ever happen to anyone else out there?
     
  2. Fallingdown7

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    Hey sorry you feel this way. A lot of het-partnered bi people or even gay people who have been with the opposite sex in the past feel rejected by the community. I don't think It's right.

    I feel like we as a community need to get rid of assumptions and ideas of what people have to follow in order to fit in.
     
  3. sedgeling

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    I think you're "queer enough" if it helps. I mean, I'm a feminine girl, and I'm automatically assumed to be straight by most people who see me, but I'm really a lesbian. That doesn't make me any less a part of the community, just like although you appear to be a heterosexual individual, that doesn't make you less asexual. You're a part of the community, and even if you don't "look the part," it doesn't mean you don't belong.
     
  4. fragileflame

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    I feel like that often, but I also don't think there is a certain "look" to someone who is in the LGBT community. it's just like if a bisexual female is dating a male, she doesn't appear to be in the LGBT community but she still is.
     
  5. sighnomore

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    I have felt like this all my life and have been rejected by the lesbian community many times. I have been sneered at because apparently I have 'straight privilege' because I look straight. I would say that if you're lucky enough to have friends who accept you and are willing to take you on outings with them, be happy :slight_smile:
     
  6. Sapphire

    Sapphire Guest

    Yeah, I feel like gay guys don't think I'm funny or flamboyant enough, not to mention I dress like a straight guy because I wear tattered jeans and baggy flannel (what can I say it's comfortable haha). As far as I can tell they only like me for sex, a lot of them tell me I'm hot/cute which makes me feel pretty flattered, but at the same time it's a really shallow sense of satisfaction. To sum it up, no, I don't feel like I fit in with the gay community nor the straight community, I just float from one to another at my own convenience, which is cool I guess but it gets kind of lonely just being an outer sub-member of each community.
     
  7. edy

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    Sometimes I feel I'm not transgendered enough, because I don't want to get rid of my penis (although I don't like when guys want to touch it, either), I don't want to have real boobs, I'm not even out (yet)

    I can't walk on high heels, etc
     
  8. guitar

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    I've been accused of not being "gay enough" - whatever that means. I don't fit any stereotypes and I guess that bothers some gay guys? I have been told I was "gross" for having slept with a few girls before really coming to terms with my sexuality.

    Some people are just douchebags. They have a pre-packaged idea of what it means to be LGBT instead of what the reality actually is. As this forum has taught all of us, being LGBT means a WIDE variety of different things and encompasses all kinds of people.
     
  9. XenaxGabby

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    The first few years of discovering my sexuality, I immersed myself in LGBT pop culture because I thought I had to. I watched pretty much every lesbian-themed movie I could find, read books, listened to musicians, etc. Then about two years ago I came to the realization that I don't have to like something because it's LGBT-related. Don't get me wrong, I still love The L Word and Tegan and Sara... But I came to the conclusion that a lot of LGBT pop culture is crap, and we cling to it because it's all we have.

    Now if something I like has gay content in it (OITNB for example), it's an added bonus. The way I see it, I'm attracted to girls, that's enough for me.
     
  10. Eilin

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    I see what you mean. I feel the same way, which makes me hesitant to go out and meet other lesbians. Although I do feel my personal style has shifted somewhat since coming out, I still dress and look very feminine, although never girly. But that is just how I like to look, so I don't want to change myself just to be accepted. There's been enough of that in my life.
     
  11. Randomcloud

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    All the time. Femme invisibility is a big thing in the LGBT community...if I walk into a gay bar or LGBT space, I always get the vibe that people are wondering why I'm there or think of me as "the straight ally" because I don't present myself like the stereotypical lesbian (nothing wrong with doing that either!). Actually, on my first day at an LGBT "support group" at my campus, someone asked me "are you lost?". :confused:
     
  12. XenaxGabby

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    ^ Stupid stereotypes!
     
  13. Manitoban

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    This is how I often feel. I usually only go to a gay club or bar when my more stereotypical friends drag me there. I feel really out of place. On the other hand I can't discuss some things at the same level with my straight friends. Not because they are homophobic but because they have trouble relating. So I get that feeling of being in a sort of no man's land.
     
  14. TENNYSON

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    Stereotypically speaking, I'm very "gay" and people might be able to guess that easily upon meeting me.

    Problem is, I'm basically asexual and I don't feel this sexual attraction guys even though I recognize guys as being cute and feel romantic attraction. So in that sense, I don't feel fully "gay/LGBT".
     
  15. Batman

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    There's a lot of shit tossing within the lgbt community. I can't speak much for IRL experiences, being the closet dweller that I am, however a sort of gate keeping phenomenon certainly occurs with certain lgbt folk. People claiming that the struggles of feminine homosexual women aren't equivalent to the struggles of their masculine counterpart, or that you aren't truly gay unless you enjoy certain topics. Unless you wear skinny jeans and low neck V's. Unless you demonstrate qualities typically associated with gay people. A load of nincompoopery. Understand that those individuals are damning the word "gay" to be defined by its stereotypes, and fitting in with them might not be the best end goal.

    Now. As the above paragraph didn't really apply to OP and was more a commentary on our community:
    The number of lgbt folk that know not to judge by appearance far outnumber the gatekeepers. (*hug*) Don't worry. You're plenty gay enough for us.
     
  16. MisterTinkles

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    Mmmmm........putting labels on people. SHAME!


    I have never fit in with people who live by labels, especially societal labels. I am a human being. I am not "gay", I am not "straight", I am just me. If you (society) cannot fathom that or comprehend it in any way, then you can kiss my fat, round, hairy ass.

    I would rather NOT "fit in", than to have the total brainless bullshit I would have to endure on a daily basis from brain dead idiots who have to stereotype and label everything.
     
  17. plesiosaur18

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    Definitely. As a bisexual who has only had the chance to have heterosexual relationships, I feel like people won't take my sexuality seriously, think of me as "basically straight," or even act like I can't know I'm bisexual.

    And it's frustrating because being bisexual is a part of who I am, and it's something that took me years to figure out and come to terms with and embrace, and I just don't want to be written off.