This post was inspired by the Dear Me campaign that happened on YouTube a few weeks ago, and is to commemorate my two year anniversary of joining EC upcoming (in April). I hope you enjoy it. (I should probably also add a trigger warning) Dear 13 Year Old Me, Hey bud, what's up? I know that you're feeling pretty anxious about a lot of stuff right now, so I thought it'd be good to have someone to talk to you for a little bit and to tell you that everything will be okay. I know about these feelings you're having for some of your friends right now. You know the ones I'm talking about. Well, I know that you think that these feelings are just a phase and that they'll pass one day, and I just have to tell you that they won't. You were born this way, and there is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You may feel so alone, isolated, and so goddamn afraid right now, and that's understandable. It's scary to find things out about yourself that you didn't know, especially when you're unsure how others will react. I know you've heard of the horror stories of gay bashings that go on in rural high schools, parents throwing their own flesh and blood onto the street because of who they are, and while those things are a scary thought, I can assure you that you are safe and secure. You already have and will build more friendships with people who will love you for who you really are, and won't judge you for it. Your parents may not completely understand at first, but believe me when I say they will come around and be the best damn parents in the world to you. They won't only accept you, they'll love you, unconditionally. This isn't going to be easy for you. In fact, it's going to take you through hell and back, twice. You're going to go into places in your mind, very dark places that you never knew were there. You're going to be called a "faggot" by an asshole one day in the school parking lot. You're going to go home and cry yourself to sleep at night because of it. You're going to become depressed when you think you'll die alone and closeted. You're going to hate the way you look. You're going to hate how fat you think you are, and will develop an eating disorder because of it, and get to the point where your parents will force you to eat. You're going to be devastated whenever the first guy you tell you like shuts you out of his life completely. You're going to try self harming, and there are going to be days where you wish you were dead because you feel so pitiful. You're going to keep this all to yourself, and bottle up your emotions until you feel like you'll explode. But be assured, while it will be so hard to get through, it gets so much better, and you deserve to see it get better. You're going to decide one night to tell your best friend at a school dance that you're gay, and you're going to be so relieved when he says that he still is your best friend. You're going to join numerous help forums to help get advice on life. You're going to meet so many new friends. You're going to find yourself, your passion, your calling, and your purpose. You're going to have a boyfriend for a month, and while you ended up breaking up, he loved you when you were unsure if you even loved yourself, and will make you into a better person because of the love and attention he gave you. You're going to get the courage to get your dad to buy you a rainbow wristband. You're going to get the courage to come out to them a few days later at dinner, and they will be your parents, and love you no matter what. You're going to come out to everyone on Facebook, and by the end of the day, you will be in tears because of all of the positive responses you get. You're going to see gay rights and gay marriage go from just a "liberal social experiment" to becoming the law of the land in almost 4 of every 5 US states, and you will get to see the day it becomes legal in all 50. You'll get to become an advocate for your community which you now hold near and dear. You will get the opportunity to help people who are going through the same things you went through. Speaking of, remember where I mentioned the forums you joined? When you're 16, you'll come across a site one day, and you'll create an account and think to yourself that you'll just lurk and eventually leave. Oh how wrong you were. Over 3,150 posts and almost two years later, you're still going strong, buddy. You'll even get the opportunity to become a chat moderator, and you'll obviously accept. The site is called Empty Closets. That's not the end either. You're going to have so much more life and adventures ahead of you. College. Friendships. Career. Relationships. Weddings. Your wedding. This is who you are, and you need to own that. Own your identity. Own your happiness. Don't let anyone put you down. Be yourself. And to my fellow staff members and the community of Empty Closets... Thank you. Without this site I don't know where I would be right now. To all of the friends I made on here that I can't possibly name in one message, you all helped me become who I am today. I can't believe two years have already almost passed. This has been a wonderful journey, and I hope to keep it going for a long, long time. BryanM
