Do You Have The Right To Know If You're Adopted?

I think you have a right to know if you're adopted, but it should come from your adoptive parents and not someone else who happens to know about it. I have a good friend who's adopted and she knew from a young age. But it also depends on the kid and how you think they might take the information.

 

Required? No. I think parents can tell their children when and if they want to. It should be up to the individuals, because it really depends on the circumstances somewhat. Of course, it's not black and white. Let's say an Asian couple adopts an African child. It may be right to tell them as a teenager or younger child because they're not stupid and putting on an act is silly... But in most cases, where it's not obvious that the child is adopted, I don't see a need to tell them until they are an adult. I think they may be able to process the emotions better and not suspect their parents love them less etc. Then again, they could be upset they were "lied to." I really see no need to tell the children though, especially if you don't consider them any different than a child you would have biologically. (As an adult it's just a fact you should share.)

 

I would say maybe when they are 12 or so. Depending on the mental stability of the child. I wouldn't want them having a tragic story like Oedipus lol.

 

I think there is an enormous difference between these two questions:

(A) Should parents of adopted children tell their children they are adopted?
(B) Should parents of adopted children *be required* to tell their children they are adopted?

To me, it's a bit like the questions:

Should you save money?
Should you *be required* to save money?

I think it's pretty clear that parents should absolutely tell children if they are adopted. But to require this seems...I dunno...crass? Limiting?

I have two cousins who are adopted...and to my knowledge they don't know it. I have always found this terrible, and it has always lowered my opinion of my uncle and aunt (although I think my aunt would have preferred to tell). But they (or at least my uncle) just couldn't bring themselves to do it, despite that the whole family knows...and much of the town! They are limited individuals. But we are *all* limited individuals.

Should we always be *forced* to do the things we should? Even the things we *know* we should? I think that's a bit tyrannical.

 

If a child is able to deduce, they are adopted...

Me: Why do you say that?
Them: *provides good reason*

If I'm not the parent, I would redirect them to the parent. That conversation should be had with them, at least first.

If I was the parent, then:

I let them start asking questions, and filling in wherever and whatever is necessary.

You lose an opportunity as any kind of figure, when you turn away a curious child. Because they'll satisfy their curiosity elsewhere, and I don't know about anybody else, but I'd rather my kid know well than to know dumb. Just recalling some of the stuff kids said, when I was one, makes me so appreciative I didn't fall into any real group.

There's also the trust aspect to it. Most children believe they can trust their parents, to be there, not just for when they hurt themselves, but when they have concerns and questions too. Being dismissed or turned away, that really leaves a mark, which may or may not be held against the parent later on, when more serious matters arise.

This is one of those cases of, it shouldn't be enforced legally, but perhaps logically.

End of the day, that ain't my kid. I'm not going to tell you, how to raise your kid, unless you think punching them is a good means of discipline. Then I'm going to tell you, how to raise a kid. But don't lie to your kid, at least be honest enough to tell them you'll discuss it when you're ready.

In summary, you should have the right, as a child or especially as an adult, to know. But it takes two to tango here, and others have a right on when to share that information. Now, if the one adopted goes directly for the records, fine, let them know what they want. It's rather pointless to deny anything any longer by then, LOL.

 

I think it's very subjective, and would vary by age and situation.

My brother is adopted. He was 7 at the time, and I was 8; he's also Korean, so he's always known.

 

I would say that it should be required to let a child go into adulthood with whatever pertinent medical facts about their biological parents and other family may be available. That's about all that's needed as far as requirements go, I feel.

If you hide the fact that your child is adopted, they might feel it's something to be ashamed about, if and when it's revealed to them. If you treat it as a non-issue, then they're probably not going to have much of a problem with it.

 

I don't think there should be a law passed that requires to parents to tell their children this, but I don't think it's fair of the parents to keep that from their child.

 

I've always heard that good adoptive parents will tell small children they are adopted, when they ask about such issues.

Apparently once you have told a child a few times early on, they tend to comprehend that the parents are not their real parents, even if they don't fully understand the concept.
So later on, when they are older and do start comprehending such issues, they usually bring up the subject again, and are told the same thing by the parents.


But it is a double edge sword.


If the child grows up in a happy home, they are less likely to really care about being adopted.

If the child grows up in an unhappy home, they are more apt to want to know why they were given up, and probably want to find a way to see if that issue can be corrected..........or use it as an excuse to run away/leave.

 

Absolutely. As an adopted child, I can say I would have trust issues if my parents told me later on. I have known since I was very young, it's one of the first big things I remember my parents telling me. Granted, they are white redheads with Irish genes and I'm Chinese, but still. So yes, you definitely have the right to know you're adopted.