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Stereotypes versus Reality

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Adam Smith, Apr 4, 2015.

  1. Adam Smith

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    All my life I've known isolation. I'm not talking just about my sexuality but in other ways as well.

    When I was just 3 or 4 I had to leave the school I was in because of my parents divorce.

    When I was 5-8 I just couldn't really talk to kids my age. I was to...advanced I guess, because my Mom always posed tough questions and I watched educational television only.

    When I was 9 and they started to catch up so I could talk to them, a kid named Jacob somehow got everyone to turn on me and bully me until I left the school.

    It wasn't even until 10 that had to grapple with my sexuality, and I was a die hard Christian to make it worse!

    Even now, I still feel isolated amongst other non-heterosexuals and I bet some of you do to.

    At my school they only people who are really Out of the Closet fit into stereotypes in one way or another or they make LGBTQA+ issues a hobby of theirs. Let me be clear, I fully support these people and hold no disdain for their personalities or choices but I just can't relate to them very well.

    I just want to exist as a human being who (unimportant side note: happens to be homosexual.) I don't want to run around talking about being "fabulous" or "drink fruity cocktails". Frankly I act and look and act more like a "stereotypical straight guy" than I do a gay one. Literally everyone who I have told about my orientation has said in one form or another

    "Haha you're funny."

    "No your not, your too straight."

    "But you look straight."

    etc, etc.

    So basically I feel isolated because I'm a "straight-ish" gay guy. Does anyone else feel the same?
     
  2. Randomcloud

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    I feel like this too (I'm a lesbian who doesn't really fit the "stereotypes"). I think stereotypes can be kinda harmful- I mean it's fine to dress how you want and take up whatever hobbies you want whether they fit into the stereotypes or not but I wish the media did a better job at representing LGBT+ in a more diverse way so that coming out didn't have to be such a nerve-wrecking chore, we'd all be taken seriously and we would all feel our identities are valid.

    For feminine lesbians, especially those who aren't that vocal about their sexuality, this is called "femme invisibility". I too have had a lot of people (include my own parents) react to me coming out with "haha good one" and "oh come on, you don't look gay" O_O I think I've faced the same situation as you where all the LGBT+ groups I know are really into the politics of "queerness" and this can be isolating for someone who's just looking for support.
     
  3. Gandee

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    On the other hand, I once felt terrible because I fit some of the stereotypes. I thought we as a community was trying to portrait a more...non-stereotypical pictures. that stereotypes were bad.
    But I have never been in a LGBT community in real life so I don't know how I would feel. Although I don't run around talking about fabulous-ness or fashion, I will give fruity cocktail a try! Can never say no to good foods and drinks =P
     
  4. Adam Smith

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    A curious thing that sometimes happens with gay guys who are Out of the Closet is that they simply hang out with girls. Women, broadly speaking, are more supportive of, at least gay men, for various reasons. When I Came Out to a female friend of mine she instantly believed that I basically became a walking stereotype who enjoys fashion, shopping, and what not and so later asked me if I would like to go shopping with her.

    It was actually a really funny(sightly irritating) conversation that went something like this.

    "Hey, do you want to go shopping this Saturday?"
    "What? not particularly, I don't like shopping."
    "What?"
    "...what?"
    "Wait didn't you tell me you were gay?"
    "...yes."
    "So...?"
    "So I must like shopping?"
    "idk"
    "Ok, no. Stop, no no no. What do you think I am doing right now?"
    "idk, yaoi?"
    "I am watching an MMA fight. I am watching two mother******s beat the **** out of each other."
    "Thats not very gay."
    "You said it."
     
  5. KayJay

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    I think there has to be a little bit of truth to stereotypes, that's why they became stereotypes. The thing is people don't understand that stereotypes just aren't reality, the are exaggerations of certain groups that generally cause more harm than good. Of course I've had my fair share of stereotypes put on me, we just have to prove to people that the stereotypes don't usually apply like people think they do.
     
  6. MotelGuy

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    Yeah, my female co-workers say that I look and act straighter than my male co-workers...But I do have campy Gay moments...
     
  7. scxred

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    I've seen you post this so many times.. :lol:
     
  8. MotelGuy

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    Only if the thread relates to it...:lol:
     
  9. scxred

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    I think the stereotypes are based on gay culture. The stereotypical gay men are the ones that were visible in the past, whilst the non-stereotypical gay men were usually living a lie with their wives in the past. For e.g. the drag queens of stonewall started the gay rights movement. Femininity in men in society is still seen as something to be ashamed of. I think the stereotypes may be exaggerated by some gay men as a way to rebel against femininity being seen as weak or femininity in men being seen as negative; hence the need to be "fierce" and "fabulous". I feel like if femininity in men was more accepted in society, the stereotype would actually decrease because there would be less for feminine gay men to rebel against. Think of the reactions a man would get for wearing a dress or 'walking like a girl' in comparison to a girl wearing men's trousers or 'walking like a guy'.
     
    #9 scxred, Apr 4, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2015
  10. Adam Smith

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    I agree. I mean its fine if the stereotype is your imperative, but the thing is...

    Ok, so, human beings want to belong, they want to belong to groups. And lets be honest, the most common exposure of gay men and women is through media, and media LOVES stereotypes. Therefore many young LGBTQA+ see the stereotypes, and so start to try to emulate that. I was never really exposed to those stereotypes and so I never thought to emulate anyone and just developed based on what I liked and didn't like, etc etc.
     
  11. I'm_Danni_x

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    I absolutely hate stereotypes. They poison people's mind. Just like BlueEyedBloke's. So glad he's banned, so rude he was.
    Anyway, I agree with other posters stereotypes are suffocating and media/society loves them to bits as it puts us back in boxes and locks the some of us back in the closet. Suicide's and murders have taken place because of stereotypes. They also make people feel that their identities are invalid and people make fake assumptions about the people who fit the stereotypical image of what they're talking about.
     
  12. Phalange

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    [​IMG]
     
  13. scxred

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    I wouldn't say its that they are 'emulating' rather they are exaggerating their femininity. Many feminine gay men did not just one day decide to act like that; they were always feminine.. even as children. They were most probably outcasted and looked down upon for their femininity. Why would they emulate something which is looked very down upon by society and even in the gay community for e.g. many feminine gay men are rejected. Feminine gay men are not only present in western society for e.g. two spirit indian natives (completely unaware of western stereotypical presentations on gay men for obvious reasons).
     
    #13 scxred, Apr 4, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2015
  14. Rapha Lover

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    Stereotypes are bad in all situations and lifestyles!

    It's a behave limitation that society create to each group to separate e segregate the people! I hate all! Yes, I love boys as well but this no mean that I love Pop music (except K-Pop), dance every time, speak with soft voice, understood and like about fashion and celebrates world, use tight closets, etc. In the fact, my voice is not soft, I really hate fashion (it's bullshit), I dance sometimes and I not dance like Madonna, Britney and whatever! I prefer listen my rock, rap, classic music and K-pop. I don't use tight shirts and t-shirts (I have someone, but just 2, or 3). Anyway...

    I'm not said that this kind of gay is wrong! No! But I saying that every individual is unique and is your right have your own personality! If wish follow mainstream is ok, If not is ok as well!

    Everybody is free! Don't matter if is straight, gay, lesbian, white,black, etc. Stereotypes are awful and only serve to limited people!
     
  15. Adam Smith

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    I wasn't referring so much to just feminine guys as the broad stereotypes in general. Are "bears" feminine. Here, for example, I have a friend we will call him Dustin. He likes to walk around with elegant gestures and talks about throwing around glitter and whatnot. He actively describes himself as "fabulous". Just last year he was a completely different person. A lot less enthusiastic (he is sometimes overly so) and there were less fluctuations in his voice to convey emotion.

    Did he suddenly come to grips with himself and opened up about who he really was and over came what he felt as suppression? Maybe.

    Or maybe he is trying to fit in with what he views as the "happening gay crowd". Teenagers are definitely impressionable.

    And Rapha Lover, I definitely agree with you about how these stereotypes can be binding. I even listen to wrap, classical, K-pop, jazz, all sorts of stuff. I participate in Martial Arts, something that to my knowledge isn't generally considered something a gay guy does. I play the saxophone, same thing. I actually generally prefer hanging out with my male friends because they are funny, more chill, take a joke easier, and are fun to compete with. If I were a stereotype I would not have all of that.
     
  16. scxred

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    Ahhh i see what you mean, teenagers are impressionable and he could be trying to fit in and I now see what you mean by gay men 'emulating' the stereotype. Maybe he has found a new form of confidence which he sees in flamboyant gay men who are not ashamed of their femininity. This comes back to my previous point of femininity in young boys being frowned upon... perhaps hes finally broke free from what society has told him time and time again to behave in a certain way. Imagine being in his shoes.. imagine your parents or classmates telling you that your taste in music is horrible, or that you shouldn't be doing martial arts because its meant for the opposite gender etc. I'm pretty sure you may (or you may not) repress your true interests and personality so that you are not criticized; then when you do reach a certain age of independence (as that boy has) you feel a burst of freedom and you see people loving the new confidence that you have gained by perhaps emulating other people who went through the same thing you did. Just try walking a mile in that boy's shoes.. :slight_smile:
     
    #16 scxred, Apr 4, 2015
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2015
  17. Adam Smith

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    Yeah I mostly mean teenagers and very young adults. Generally speaking I see to immediate responses to "evident" sexual feelings
    1. Suppression (taken by most)
    2. Celebration

    If you (the broad you) take route 1, well we know what can happen. You come out when your 40 or so, you commit suicide, etc. That record has been played quite a lot.

    However if you take route 2 I see often that young people try to make themselves into a stereotype and sometimes limit themselves by doing so.
    ***DISCLAIMER***
    I know gender and sexuality are in different boats but for the analogy it works because stereotypes deal in not only how you see yourself, but how others see you.

    My sister identifies as gender neutral and so tries to convey herself as such. However, while shopping one day she found a pair of shoes she REALLY liked and that fit fine, but they were too feminine. So she didn't buy them and regretted it later.

    I suppose this is more a problem with labels than stereotypes exactly but my point is, if you are a stereotypical gay man, but refuse to say, (I don't know) "shoot some hoops", then you maybe need to rethink how you view yourself

    I personally just want everyone to stop thinking about their sexual identity, as their personal identity.
     
  18. scxred

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    Are you limiting yourself by refusing to dress in drag and dancing in heels? Do you need to rethink about how you view yourself? What if someone just doesn't wanna "shoot some hoops" because its not something they enjoy? I don't see how a stereotypical gay man is limiting himself more than you...
     
    #18 scxred, Apr 4, 2015
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  19. Adam Smith

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    I didn't write the "shoot hoops" phrase properly. I meant to put in "even though you wanted too". My attentions are divided and I apologize.

    I suppose you have a point scxred. I probably would never dress in drag, but I'm getting at those who have "selected" their personality rather than let it grow or develop naturally. If you are a stereotypical gay man then more power to you!

    I actually enjoy putting together outfits. I enjoy looking good. A stereotypical thing gay men do.

    I must say scxred, I'm enjoying this a lot! Rarely does anyone pose tricky questions too me and rebuttals to me. This is awesome. Good show man! :eusa_clap

    I rather like this video. Like I said. More power to you!
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0JcxXAqEQ_E
     
  20. scxred

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    Ahhh I see where you're coming from. Some people who are 'rebels' could be seen as conformists.. because they are conforming to a group. I agree with some of the points you've made; especially how stereotypes are emulated. However, I have given reasons as to why they would emulate. For e.g. they identify with the struggle of their femininity as young boys being frowned upon. Personally, I just think people should do what makes them happy. I don't consider myself stereotypical, but I admire the courage of those who are stereotypes for being visible especially in the past. I've dated both stereotypical and non-stereotypical guys and I can therefore understand just a little more. I highly recommend befriending different types of gay guys who are of different backgrounds, races, religions etc and learn about what they go through.