Let's keep this civil. I want to talk about it. If you are a gay/bi male, who (men or women) have taken cheap shots at you the most? If you are a lesbian/bi female, who (men or women) have taken cheap shots at you the most? I'm sorry if I am not including all forms of gender expression. Use "other" to describe other situations and experiences. Reminder: let's keep it civil.
Re: Who has jabbed you/ribbed you, gender wise? (Poll, too) I am not entirely sure what both "jabbed " and "ribbed" mean? Does it mean serious negative response such as discrimination, or just light- unpleasant responses? I took it to have the second meaning. In which case I've only received few negative responses, such as "nah, you are normal, not gay', (the use of the word 'normal' made my skin crawl in that context though) etc.
Re: Who has jabbed you/ribbed you, gender wise? (Poll, too) I had to put "other explanation" since there's no "equal harassment" option.
Re: Who has jabbed you/ribbed you, gender wise? (Poll, too) Yes. This is what I meant. Here's what I've experienced. I meant to post this when I started the thread. Some guys who didn't know me, or knew of me, and didn't have any typical buddy chemistry with me just kept their distance. It was just a vibe thing. Some guys who did know me, and may have suspected something, either kept hanging around me, either not saying anything or not asking anything, though a few have thrown in some more humorous comments, which were ok. I have mentioned some issues at work where I felt like I was sort of ignored because the guys wouldn't have expected me to not be into the same things they were. Well, I wasn't. Nor did they ask me my interests in the interview. Some women who have known me have taken the liberty at some good jabs. Some just as casual acquaintances. Some were based on gossip or conjecture. It doesn't matter. It didn't need to be said. In a work situation, they have been more harassing, and I feel that some of the guys in the office enabled this situation. I'm like a broken record on this one: I had a dentist, where I like both the dentist and his office staff. I went in and the first 3 times I had this hygienist from Florida. We would make whatever small talk you could make while cleaning teeth. I had a neutral to positive impression of her. On about the 4th visit, I was about to go on vacation to Florida. I told her exactly where I was going. She then asked, "Will you be going to Keeeeyyyyyy Wessssttttt?" I wasn't dreaming, but the whole approach was sort of nasty and nosy. I didn't like her after that. I then got a new dentist because I moved anyway. I was talking to a friend of mine who said something like, 'Women don't like gay or bisexual men because it makes them feel so useless (or powerless)." I forgot the exact words. He was talking about straight women. We talked about this observation in detail. Let's face it - there are some attractive and intelligent men out there who are (more) into guys. If a woman is having a tough time finding someone or she can be picky, I think that some G/B men might frustrated them or they might feel like they are in a position to ridicule them, respectively. So far, though, it what's I would have expected in the general population: - men ridicule G/B men more for one set of reasons, and - men ridicule L/B women more for another set of reasons
Re: Who has jabbed you/ribbed you, gender wise? (Poll, too) Offline, not many. But that's because I'm not openly out, and that works out best for the time being, especially in regards to the gender identity. Online, it tends to be women more, though the ones that do, tend to take a very radical or practical approach. Basically, if you aren't born with a vagina, you aren't a woman, no matter the surgeries, the hormones, the mannerisms, the looks, anything, you go through. The radicals are just... well, that, radical. The practical ones, while they can think the same, are at least willing to acknowledge the identity aspect, with some difficulties beyond that, which is understandable. I have a hard time believing it too, going off what I see in the mirror. With bisexual/lesbian women, they like women, and part of that package is having certain features which, in this current body of mine, I do not have.
I get pretty shitty reactions from guys. They either act straight up creepy or they try to convince me I'm bi or straight. Girls tend to push me to do date specific guys more than guys do. Mainly because they're attracted to guys and they think guys will make me as happy or satisified as they make them. They tend to do this stuff more when I'm out. I don't mind too much if I'm closeted, but I do start to mind if I'm out to them. Especially if they do it more. I like to call most of these behaviors penis-pushing.
Online, barely anyone gives me shit. But in the real world I find that a lot of my friends don't hesitate to be kinda douchey to my faces. Still, we're a group of pretty equal-opportunity assholes, so it all evens out at the end of the day. As for people who I wouldn't call my friends, I've been the butt of every gender's joke, I'd imagine. But guys usually tend to be the ones who're more upfront with their crude humor, in my experience.
I'm a bi female and I've gotten more comments from other females. Mostly because there are 2 men in my life that know of my sexuality (my dad and brother), and at least 6 or 7 females that know.
Re: Who has jabbed you/ribbed you, gender wise? (Poll, too) I would like to mention two things about my experience. One is I've experienced more homophobia from men, vastly more. Straight women are generally supportive of me. The other is that I would like to say that I've had more trouble with bisexual hatred than homophobia, and my experience of that has been more negative than homophobia. I have experienced this almost universally from gay men and lesbians, and very, very rarely straight people. I should also add that biphobic harrassment and hurtful comments I have faced have been much, much more abusive from lesbians than from gay men. If it helps, Justine, the kind of hostility you describe is not common for modern feminists. Only people who are lesbian separatists and follow Janice Raymond or Sheila Jeffreys. Lesbian separatism is not even a majority of radical feminism, which is mostly trans affirmative. No less a radical feminist than Aunt Twisty of "I Blame the Patriarchy" stuck up for trans women repeatedly, over the criticism of some of her readers. I know you mean "radical" in a loose sense, but I still want to mention that radical feminism is not actually transphobic, and some trans people, like me, are radical feminists.
