If someone can explain a term to me....

I assume he is referring to the word "fag" to be offensive. It is a derogatory term for gay people in general. However, the term fag hag itself isn't really derogatory, in my opinion. Personally, I'm a gay male and I have no problem with the term fag hag and I'd use it myself (if I had a use for it really). I think he is being too sensitive about you using the phrase. It's best not to use it if it offends him though, of course. Also, I should say that I think your definiton is wrong. A fag hag is not simply a female with a gay friend. It is usually used to refer to a female who tends to prefer gay male friends and has many. I suppose even if you have only one gay male friend, who is your best friend, you may jokingly be referred to as his fag hag as well....

 

It can feel demeaning to be reduced to your sexuality and have a friend describe themselves in a way that makes it seem like you're a fashion accessory.

Apologise to him and don't use it around him; it's not universally derogatory, but if he takes offence to it, it's best to avoid it with him.

 

"Fag hag" is a bit of a complicated one. But I think your friend just didnt like the word "fag" (or "faggot"). Which is actually a derogatory word used to refer to homosexuals.

The meaning of the phrase "fag hag" or even "fag" doesnt really matter anyway. You just need to make sure your friend knows you are sorry for offending him and that you didnt mean to do it. You dont need to try and prove him wrong for being offended, that wont help anybody.

You seem like a good person. I wish you well (*hug*)

 

Yes.

 

Wel if it doesn't have to do with the term fag, it's probably Aussie's reasoning. That or he doesn't understand the phrase himself. No offense, but it doesn't sound like english is your first language and I assume it may not be his first language as well. He may be inferring a different meaning.

 

Well, I'm in no way an expert on this, but I would say that there's a difference between a straight woman who happens to have a lot of gay male friends, and a "fag hag".

When I hear "fag hag", my mind goes to a straight woman who doesn't just happen to have a lot of gay male friends, she has a lot of gay male friends because they are gay. A "fag hag" is someone you would commonly hear refer to her gay male friends as "my gays", for example. It reduces gay men to their sexuality or, as Aussie792 put it, accessories.

So, by using that term for yourself, while not intended, you called yourself a woman who use gay men as accessories and reduced him to his sexuality/an accessory. The term is based on his sexuality. Calling yourself a "fag hag" is similar to always introducing him as your "gay friend". Being gay doesn't define someone's entire persona.

It invalidates your friendship.

 

Social Definition (United States)--


Fag Hag - a female who has more "gay" friends than "straight" friends.
a female who prefers to hang around gay men, rather than other people.

Fag Hag can also be used as a "gay slang" term for a very effeminate gay man that refuses to be friends with anyone who is not gay - only has "gay" friends.


There is also a term of Fruit Fly, which means a "straight" person who prefers to hang around gay people, gay society, or the gay parts of town.


I don't know anyone who uses the term Fag Hag or Fruit Fly anymore.....they have kind of worked their way out of gay speech nowadays.

 

I don't find the term fag hag offensive...In fact, my best(female)friend is a fag hag...

 

It's great that you're making an effort to understand! You seem to have good intentions.

Remember, a term can be fine to use around some people, while others are really offended by it. If your friend says he's uncomfortable with it, he's uncomfortable with it, no matter if you understand the reason behind it or not. Some things can simply be very difficult to fully understand unless you're gay yourself (and even that doesn't guarantee anything). But still, it's good that you're making an effort.

 

I think it might be an unwelcome expression because it is used to describe women who are friends with gay guys, *because* they are gay, and not because they like them as people- want to be friends with them.
It is a little bit derogatory towards the women, and it not really used by them, themselves- its like saying "this girl is hanging out with gay guys- because they are gay, and she thinks it is cooler to be friends with gay guys." It is not very offensive thought.

This is my understanding of the expression, but bear in mind that the expression might have a different meaning in languages other than english, so if you weren't talking to your friend in english, it might have changed the meaning a bit.

 

Let me break this down for you:

You're a woman, according to your profile.

Now, imagine somebody constantly referred to you as their "bitch friend". Imagine this somebody ONLY hangs out with you, because you are a woman. Imagine this somebody ignores anything you do or say, unless it ONLY pertains to being a woman.

This might seem tolerable at first, but over a period of time, it would be tear away at your identity. Movies, books, and music you liked, ideas and thoughts you had, even your own individuality, would be disregarded, if they did not conform to ONLY being a woman.

"Fag hag" kind of leaves that same impression.

Your intent may not be bad in this situation with your friend, but then again, you aren't the one being subjected to a term here. Some women find the word "bitch" to be empowering, and some do not. Just like some individuals are okay with "fag hag" and others are not.