Agree? - Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out

thesilentpoet · 17th Nov 2008, 05:35 PM

Is it one thing to tell your parents you're gay, and another to tell them your dating?

17th Nov 2008, 05:40 PM

Yes it is. Usually you want to give them time to adjust to you being gay before you tell them you're dating rather than hitting them with all of it at once. It might be a bit overwhelming to process both at the same time.

ProfessorLepus · 17th Nov 2008, 05:41 PM

If you say you're gay, then in their minds, you're "fixable". When you start dating, then things have taken a turn for the worse.

Wander · 17th Nov 2008, 06:06 PM

Yes, they are completely separate. Telling your parents you're gay in no way implies that you're dating, and saying that you're dating in no way implies that the person on the other end is a guy.

Brandford · 17th Nov 2008, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wander

Yes, they are completely separate. Telling your parents you're gay in no way implies that you're dating, and saying that you're dating in no way implies that the person on the other end is a guy.

Exactly

Derek the Wolf · 17th Nov 2008, 08:30 PM

When I first came out to my parents, I didn't dare mention my boyfriend. That would have set them over the edge. So yes, they're 2 separate things.

starfish · 17th Nov 2008, 08:33 PM

I think in most cases it would be best to tell them at separate times.

One thing I have learned from the corporate world is to never just come out with with news. You should always tell them what you are going tell them so they have some time to get used to it.

I think it is a bad idea to just say I'm gay and I want to bring my boyfriend over for dinner.

White Sundog · 17th Nov 2008, 08:47 PM

Absolutely different. Because (a) they can still be in denial about it if you are not dating a member of the same sex, and (b) if you're dating - even when you're hetero - that also brings up the possibility that you're having sex/engaging in sex-play, which is yet another can of worms (hopefully wearing condoms!) that parents have to deal with.

Janvier · 17th Nov 2008, 11:52 PM

I voted no, maybe because I did both at the same time..

18th Nov 2008, 04:09 AM

I think it is two separate things as well. You shouldn't unload too much information at once it can be way too much for people to handle. Not to mention it ruins your parents 'plan' for your life. I think it should come in the same package only if your parents sit you down and ask, (i don't like deception too much) because by asking they are at least part of the way accepting

View Poll Results: Is it one thing to tell your parents you're gay and another to say your dating?
Yes: they are two different things	36	76.60%
No: if you said you're gay why would it matter?	11	23.40%
Voters: 47. You may not vote on this poll

17th Nov 2008, 05:35 PM	#1
thesilentpoet Newbie Regular Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: parents. firends. anyone who asks. Location: Central New York Age: 18 Posts: 3 Join Date: Nov 2008	Agree? Is it one thing to tell your parents you're gay, and another to tell them your dating?

17th Nov 2008, 05:40 PM	#2
Midnight Angel Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Agree? Yes it is. Usually you want to give them time to adjust to you being gay before you tell them you're dating rather than hitting them with all of it at once. It might be a bit overwhelming to process both at the same time.

17th Nov 2008, 05:41 PM	#3
ProfessorLepus Colgate Rabbit Dentist Full Member Gender: Mail Orientation: Ghey Out Status: I don't lie. Location: Austin, TX Age: 20 Posts: 445 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Agree? If you say you're gay, then in their minds, you're "fixable". When you start dating, then things have taken a turn for the worse. __________________ Anonymity I can not run forever Google will find me

17th Nov 2008, 06:06 PM	#4
Wander Banned Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Parents, aunts, grandma, counselor, online friends Location: Central Alabama Age: 18 Posts: 2,360 Join Date: Jan 2008	Re: Agree? Yes, they are completely separate. Telling your parents you're gay in no way implies that you're dating, and saying that you're dating in no way implies that the person on the other end is a guy.

17th Nov 2008, 08:30 PM	#6
Derek the Wolf Furry Overlord Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Pansexual Out Status: Majority Location: Illinois Age: 20 Posts: 1,325 Join Date: Jul 2008	Re: Agree? When I first came out to my parents, I didn't dare mention my boyfriend. That would have set them over the edge. So yes, they're 2 separate things. __________________

17th Nov 2008, 08:33 PM	#7
starfish This space for lease. Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: I like guys Out Status: Out to everyone Location: Hippie Town, Alberta of the US Age: 31 Posts: 2,108 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Agree? I think in most cases it would be best to tell them at separate times. One thing I have learned from the corporate world is to never just come out with with news. You should always tell them what you are going tell them so they have some time to get used to it. I think it is a bad idea to just say I'm gay and I want to bring my boyfriend over for dinner.

17th Nov 2008, 08:47 PM	#8
White Sundog Member Regular Member Gender: Female Orientation: straight, tad bicurious, hyposexual? Posts: 49 Join Date: Nov 2008	Re: Agree? Absolutely different. Because (a) they can still be in denial about it if you are not dating a member of the same sex, and (b) if you're dating - even when you're hetero - that also brings up the possibility that you're having sex/engaging in sex-play, which is yet another can of worms (hopefully wearing condoms!) that parents have to deal with.

17th Nov 2008, 11:52 PM	#9
Janvier يَناير Full Member Gender: Male Orientation: Gay Out Status: Out to everyone Location: France Age: 22 Posts: 849 Join Date: Aug 2008	Re: Agree? I voted no, maybe because I did both at the same time.. __________________ Uncertainty excites me.

18th Nov 2008, 04:09 AM	#10
tomahto72 Guest Posts: n/a	Re: Agree? I think it is two separate things as well. You shouldn't unload too much information at once it can be way too much for people to handle. Not to mention it ruins your parents 'plan' for your life. I think it should come in the same package only if your parents sit you down and ask, (i don't like deception too much) because by asking they are at least part of the way accepting

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