How do you know your sexuality??

[jazzyspazzy]

Ok, here goes... I'm bi - well, at least I think I am:

I started fancying guys when I was about 8. I had many crushes and had been out with three guys by the age of 13. Then I fancied a girl, and I was like 'woah, where did that come from?' I thought that maybe it was just a one-off, but then I started to fancy more and more girls. At the moment, I tell people I'm bi, but I don't really know what I am. I mean, I do still find the odd guy attractive and think 'hhmm maybe I could go out with him' but I find myself checking out girls ALL THE TIME. I just find them so goddamn sexy. Now I think I might be turning into a lesbian!! I don't care if I am, but it's so confusing when 2 years ago I was straight!!!!!

Can any of you guys try to clarify things for me? Maybe you have had a similar thing to me?

Thanks, jazzyspazzy x x

[Peter]

You are 14, don't worry about behind a label. Enjoy life, let yourself be attracted by beautiful people whatever they are. Don't let yourself be confused between what you want and what you want to be. Maybe you find boys/girls attractive because you want o be more like them, while you fancy girls/boys because you want to be with them and hold them... You got time.

[musican]

Confusion is understandable, it's weird not knowing something about yourself. I was very confused when I first accepted that I'm attracted to guys because at the time I had a crush on a girl. When I came out to my best friend, I talked with her about it and worked through my feelings. I realized that it was an emotional crush and that I could be very good friends with this girl, but I could never love her in a boyfriend-girlfriend way. For me, I had think about whether my attraction was an emotional attraction or a physical. When I realized that there was no physical attraction, I knew that I am gay.

If this helped you figure out your sexuality, then I'm glad to have helped. If it didnt, then I would say don't worry about it too much. There's no rush to label yourself, just live your life, there's plenty of time to figure that out.

[Nevermind]

I was pretty much the same when I was you're age, one minute I'd think I was bi, the next maybe I was gay, then back to bi, then thinking maybe I was straight. My advice is: don't let yourself get stressed out over it. Forget labels altogether, enjoy life and follow your heart. If you find yourself liking a boy, then awesome, if you find yourself liking a girl, then awesome. Eventually you'll know if your bi, straight, gay or whatever, but take all the time you need because labels really aren't very important.

[Trumpetplyer23]

What you're going through happened to me. I had crushes on guys (and one boyfriend). Then I met this girl and badda-boom-badda-bing, I was in love.

So, I thought, "Hmm...I like guys and girls. I must be bi. Okay...I'm hungry, I'm gonna make a sandwich.."

Honestly, that's what I thought. I kid you not. I mean, I knew guys and girls did something for me on a emotional, physical, and sexual level.

[starfish]

To paraphrase Justice Potter Stewart, You'll know it when you know it.

I've only recently began to understand what I have been feeling for the past 15 years. So don't worry you've got plenty of time to figure it out.

[lawlst]

when I first came out to myself I put a lot of pressure on myself, much-like you seem to be doing. now that I've eased-up (it wasn't long ago that I came out to myself and realized I like girls) on myself I'm finding myself to be much-less stressed out than I did a few months ago.

know; there is more to sexuality than straight, gay, and bi; there is also trans gender, pan sexual, among others...and we are, in retrospect, young--our minds should be free and wandering.

putting pressure on ourselves to be one thing or the other can be compared with the societal pressures which perpetuate personal struggles like these around the world.

good luck, ladie

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

Yeah, I had the exact same thing. There's no magical way to work it out, unfortunately Just stay in tune with what you're feeling, don't repress anything, and don't get too hung up about labels. Things will become apparent presently, and until then, it doesn't matter too much. Just enjoy whatever comes along - it sounds like you're going about things just fine And welcome to EC!

[Wander]

Because I am physically and emotionally attracted to males and not females. I think that covers everything.

[silentsound]

I know how difficult this is, especially because you will probably get a lot of "well, you're only 14 for God's sakes!" Well, I was only 13 when I started to figure things out, and I know that right now it doesn't feel like you're ONLY 14, you're you and that's worth figuring out. However, I have come to learn that labeling yourself doesn't really help much. I understand the need to label yourself, so just don't be afraid to change it as often as feels right (there was a time in my questioning period where I bounced between gay straight and bi literally daily, it's ok).

I was in pretty much the same position you are a year ago. My best advice is to not dwell on the past (ie boyfriends) and live in right now. Forget what you know about gay and straight and just be you. Don't stress yourself out over who you are checking out and whether or not that complies with your past experiences. I never even considered that I was gay through two several month relationships with guys, but here I am today. As I feel like I am starting to ramble now, I will share with you one of the best pieces of advice I was given during my most confusing questioning, "First, relax. Freaking out, in general, is typically incredibly unhelpful. Relax. Enjoy having a sexuality. Feel what you feel, and, although it sounds impossible now, over time the smoke will clear. This will work itself out of you let it, it's just the letting it that's so hard."

Feel free to message me if you need help, because (although I am tired so my thought to text skills are waning) I really understand where you're coming from and have been right there with you. Welcome to EC, I recommend above all that you keep coming and talking here, it is a very nice place to be when you're confused ♥

With love,
Silent

[starfish]

An anecdote that may be helpful.

I have 2 cars. One day a co-worker asked how I decided which one to drive in the morning. I told him I don't decide. I just walk outside and know which one I want to drive.

Given time your sexuality will be the same way. You'll just know which one you want.

[Moksha]

Well, I was raised in a strict religious household, so for the longest time I went with the straight female identity until I couldn't live in denial about liking women anymore. Then I came out as a bisexual woman, then as a lesbian.

Just when I thought I had my sexuality figured out, everything got turned on its head. Recently, I started identifying as female-to-male transgendered. All those years spent identifying with the queer community and being an activist for GLBTQ rights made me feel entrenched in that whole sense of "otherness"; therefore I could never bring myself to 100% identify as a straight guy on a political level, nor on a sexual one either because I'm starting to look at men a lot more now that I'm getting more comfortable with my own male identity.

So I'm not even sure what that makes me, other than a skirt-chaser (including boys in skirts). I'm finding it to be increasingly difficult to put my sexuality or my gender into a nice, neat little box. My identity is messy even at the best of times, and for a change I'm not trying to tidy up the mess.

So in summary, I think sexuality can be quite fluid depending on where you are in life. As others have been saying here, just go with the flow. It causes a lot less headaches if you don't over-think everything like I've done.

[Davey]

Right now I label myself as Bi.
I'm pretty sure I am but I'm not 100% clear anymore.
I know I tend to fall for guys easier and stuff but I can like girls also.
I think its just something you'll eventually learn.
You can't just know right away really.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride!
:-D

[Dazed]

i use to tell ppl i was bi.
but lately i have wondered.
i was with a guy for almost 3 years...just sexual no feelings involved.
and i moved on it got boing...like i didnt like it anymore. it just wont working for me haha if u get what im saying.

your young. dont label yourself yet. live your life how you want. date who you want. when your older decide what you want.

[Darz]

I'm gay, simple as. It's not a phase I'm going through, contrary to what some might say to me. I've always been kind of attracted to guys and it's really taken over during the past two years. I don't find women sexually attractive anymore.

Besides, I never really wanted kids. XD

[jazzyspazzy]

Thanks everyone for answering to my thread... you've all helped me to figure out that it doesn't matter what label you give yourself - but when you like someone, you like someone, there's no two ways about it!!! I could be gay, bi or straight, but to be honest, who gives??
x x x

Originally Posted by iluxsincerelyxme

your young. dont label yourself yet. live your life how you want. date who you want. when your older decide what you want.

I agree. To be honest I don't know my sexuality in the least lol. I like boys sometimes I like girls sometimes. I just roll with it. Whoever I decide to like I just let it work itself out.

[jazzyspazzy]

Originally Posted by Moksha

Well, I was raised in a strict religious household, so for the longest time I went with the straight female identity until I couldn't live in denial about liking women anymore. Then I came out as a bisexual woman, then as a lesbian.

Just when I thought I had my sexuality figured out, everything got turned on its head. Recently, I started identifying as female-to-male transgendered. All those years spent identifying with the queer community and being an activist for GLBTQ rights made me feel entrenched in that whole sense of "otherness"; therefore I could never bring myself to 100% identify as a straight guy on a political level, nor on a sexual one either because I'm starting to look at men a lot more now that I'm getting more comfortable with my own male identity.

So I'm not even sure what that makes me, other than a skirt-chaser (including boys in skirts). I'm finding it to be increasingly difficult to put my sexuality or my gender into a nice, neat little box. My identity is messy even at the best of times, and for a change I'm not trying to tidy up the mess.

So in summary, I think sexuality can be quite fluid depending on where you are in life. As others have been saying here, just go with the flow. It causes a lot less headaches if you don't over-think everything like I've done.

I was just wondering (I hope you don't mind me asking) but have you actually had a sex change, or has just your mental gender changed??
x x x

[Moksha]

Originally Posted by jazzyspazzy

I was just wondering (I hope you don't mind me asking) but have you actually had a sex change, or has just your mental gender changed??
x x x

My mental identification has changed, but my body will soon follow. :-)

[MusicIsLife]

-I watched lesbian porn for years and it never clicked that i was gay. I'm a little dense at times