A rant about sex ed at my school.

Actually, I remember dental dams being brought up in my classes as an option. It was a sort of "wink-wink" acknowledgement of the need, without really getting into it though.

So here's the problem as I see it: the folks writing the curriculum are almost entirely straight. With entirely straight experiences. And, it very likely doesn't occur to them that what you are concerned about might not even intersect with their experiences. So the end result is that they don't know what to actually say on the subject, and they very likely don't even realize the need for inclusion of another voice that they lack.

That isn't to excuse the need for better information in these classes, but it doesn't surprise me that someone who lacks a particular set of experiences sucks at teaching to that set of experiences. In your case, would it be worth bringing it up to the teacher? If they are accepting, I'd hope the teacher would be open to the idea of trying to be helpful in some way here, even if it is mostly pointing you at resources better equipped.

 

If your school is as accepting as you say, maybe you can bring that up and change it.

I went to an all girl's catholic school, so our sex ed was, "If you have sex before marriage, you have ruined yourself for your future husband."

 

Yeah, straight virginity is utter bullshit. Plus saying it is defined by intercourse is dangerous; many people try to use that as an excuse to run around doing other sex acts and then they spread STD's around. Shouldn't be discussed in sex ed at all.

People just talk about intercourse in my experience of sex ed. Even straight kids need to know the safety of other acts.

 

I'm sorry you had this experience, but you should know that your experience is already atypical in that you are actually getting ANY form of sexual education. In most places, like where I grew up, there was zero sexual education. Even my parents didn't talk to me about sex or puberty. So the fact that you are even getting some information as it relates to straight sex is nothing short of a huge miracle.

However, you have an ace up your sleeve, and that is this site. You can feel comfortable asking any questions you have here, and you can be assured that people won't think it's odd, strange, or anything like that. People will treat your questions with respect, and answer them to the best of their ability, largely based off their own real life experiences. So you are getting a pretty authentic view of queer sexuality here.

Now, I want to touch upon something you brought up, even though Fallingdown7 has already touched on it. I agree with everything Fallingdown7 wrote, but I want to go even further.

Virginity is not a real thing. It is a cultural concept that does not really exist. Not all cultures place a value on the "first time" of human sexual experience, and in truth neither should we. It is a horrible thing to do, because it creates negative social pressures, and causes real emotional harm in others (such as someone "losing their virginity" during a rape -- that makes the rape worse emotionally if the individual placed a high value on the concept).

When you think of sex think of it like you would a baby learning to walk. The first step is amazing and important, because it is the first time. However, the kid is going to fall flat on their ass after that first step. They are then going to get back up and try again, and again, and again... then eventually before you know it the kid is running all over the place. Sex is kinda like that. The first time is usually pretty shitty, but with practice you get better at it once you figure things out. The first time is only special because it is the first time, but like with your first step--it is hopefully the first of many times.

The concept of virginity was created to control women's sexuality. In the beginning there was no pressure for men to be virgins--in fact no one believed men could be virgins at all. It only applied to women. Her being a virgin on the wedding night was important, because the man wanted to make sure that when he had sex with her that she would get pregnant with his kid. If she was not a virgin, it meant that she might be pregnant with someone elses kid. This is bad, because it means someone elses kid would inherit his stuff.

Virginity is all about controlling peoples sexuality. It was later applied to guys in our culture, to do exactly that--one of the few occasions where gender equality was a bad thing. Of course, for men, losing their virginity ASAP became culturally important to prove "they were a man," but for a woman to lose her virginity before marriage would make her "a slut." Once again with the controlling of women's sexuality, this time through slut shaming. When people embrace the concept of virginity, this is the cultural heritage they are embracing.

When you think about your future first sexual experience, do not allow pressure to build up since it is your first time. Just accept that you might have to figure things out through trial and error, both to see what you like, and to see what the person you are with likes--especially if they are inexperienced as well and cannot tell you. Just make sure whoever you are with is someone you trust, feel comfortable communicating with, and shows you a healthy amount of respect. You don't want to have sex with someone you don't feel comfortable talking to about sexual things, with someone you don't feel you can completely trust, and someone who does not treat you with respect (for example: does not respect your boundaries, shames your body, etc.).

Finally, the best advice that I could give you that you can immediately put to use: masturbate often. Not only is it a good way to relieve stress and tension, it is important as a female to explore your own body and know what you like and don't. If you cannot bring yourself to orgasm, how in the world is someone else supposed to figure it out? Communication is important during sex. Masturbating and exploring your body is an important first step toward having the ability to communicate what you like and what feels good to a sexual partner.

 

In our sex education, homosexuality was indirectly referenced once. And that was a man harassing another man on a bus. There are so many unmentioned but important things, from having sex with dysphoric people to STDs to this. You would expect better from the most developed countries in the world.