Your Saddest Moment in Life...

Being in the room the moment my grandmother passed away, followed by helping the nursing staff give her a last bath to get her clean for the funeral home (she was soiled), picking her last "outfit" and putting it on her, and carrying her sheet-wrapped body to the gurney of the funeral home (with all the medical equipment, it was not possible to get the gurney in the actual room).

I don't know how it changed me, but it did do something to me.

 

My saddest day(s) was the day(s) after Thanksgiving 2014.

My wife asked me literally five minutes before we went off to Thanksgiving dinner that she wanted me to pack a bag and stay at her office. My kids after the dinner were in the car and wondering why we were stopping at her office. I had to tell them not to worry, everything would be okay.

Those next few days were so awful...It's so hard to describe how bleak I felt.

 

When I caught the love of my life flirting with another girl and finding out it was because he thought I cheated. Apologizing moving forward and having it happen again in the most heart wrenching way. It's torn me apart. I pray God will heal and bring us back together if it's His will but I'm terrified it's not

 

The day my parents were deported, and I was forced to leave with them, thus preventing me from going to high school...I haven't been mentally well ever since...

 

I had a pet uromastyx lizard that died during my junior year of high school. She was suffering from prolapse, and needed lubrication so her internal organs didn't chafe. I remember when I was going to clean her one day and my dad decided to help, but when he picked her up she was completely stiff, frozen in place like a toy. At that moment a deep chill ran through me. Knowing she was dead made me hesitant to touch her, because I am squeamish about the dumbest things. I still managed to pick her up in a cloth and wrap her in it, because I felt responsible for not taking good enough care of her while she was alive, I felt like I had given her a shitty life with not enough attention or space to move around by the time she was dead. That night I took a shovel and ripped open a hole in our backyard, where I buried her. There was a special rock I kept in her tank. I had drawn on it with a marker when I was a kid to give it a face and spines that made it look like a smaller version of her. She would usually, for some reason, take that rock and squirrel it away inside the little model cave she slept in. I set that rock down in the hole with her, and then topped the whole thing off with soil.

I stood there kind of hunched over the shovel in the dark, and then I started crying, finally. And I cried more that night than I've cried in my whole life. I did it silently. I did it trembling in place as I lost probably 40% of my bodily fluids through my eyes and nose. I remembered the day I first got her, and I was furious at myself for neglecting her over the years, for not giving her the time and attention I could've, for taking too long to clean out her tank, lazily keeping her in the same confined quarters, hardly ever taking her out, and not doing enough to treat her as a living organism. I've had countless nightmares where the vacant tank in my room will be full again, and she'll be there, either bloated or decaying.

Has this changed me? Yes this changed me. It made me too scared to ever consider raising up another life in this world. It made me want to become more detached from everything in the world that lives, because it's going to die. The despair from her death eclipsed anything else she brought into my life. I've constantly had to convince myself that things in this world are worth caring for and holding onto in spite of the sadness. All this from a lizard.

 

Moment as in minutes? Or moment as in a certain span of time that was hard to go through considering the negative things that were happening to you?

I'll asnwer both!

I think the long spam of time. Being able to come out to myself. Has made me stronger. It really has.

Moments as in minutes: I would have to say I've felt pretty sad thinking about not being accepted and all the BS that happens to me. I've cried. I've been angry but, earlier today was the worst. I was so sad I climbed into the shower.,Turned on the water, sat down, and balled my eyes out for 20 minutes.

Moment as in long spam of time with ups and downs: even though I'm going through a lot now. The time in which I was in denial (over my sexuality) was the saddest. Being in constant denial and finding guys hot all f***ing day long is torture. Pretending to yourself that you think a girls hot and then never being able to actually feel it. Feeling wrong. It's sad....

 

The saddest day of my life was when my childhood dog passed away. In early 2012 my dog started to get very sick. In June he was getting much worse and after some extensive testing we found out that he had cancer. The day I heard that new my heart sank. With the condition he was in we knew he was in a lot of pain and could barely walk. We made the decision to have him put down at the end of the week. Just a couple of hours before his appointment while I was at work, I got a call from my mom saying that he collapsed and was still alive but he could no longer walk or sit up. I quickly rushed home and laid on the ground next to him holding his paw and petting his head crying for an entire hour. We picked him up and took him to the vet. I was so distraught I said my goodbyes in the car, while my parents were by his side inside the vet when he passed. It took a while to get used to how quiet the house was without him. I still miss him today.

 

Probably the situation around my dad passing...

Him and my mom weren't together after I was born and the lady he was with hated me(a little kid), for reasons I never was made aware of. Somehow she had managed to keep him out of my life all the upcoming years because he was a nice guy(by that I mean kind of pushover territory, relationship-wise, from the little I know of at least).

Years down the road, apparently they had split for some reason(?) and I was eventually able to get a number for him. We only spoke like a word here and there to start(because of how distant we were obviously), but spoke more and more as time passed; eventually having relatively lengthy convos on the phone.

After some months, we eventually got around to making plans to spend the whole Summer together...the first time we'd actually get to see each other and, boom, he passes away that Spring(-ish); within like a month or two of my granddad at that.

 

Before my mom died, while she was really sick and in hospital. The most painful, horrific, and awful experience of my life was watching her go through losing her mind, being in pain, and all the changes to her self-image and confidence.

Stuff like this, you never stop dealing with it. Every moment of your life is tainted by the lack of them. It's been 10 years, and some days I still can't deal. Back when it first happened, I built myself this mental/emotional fortress, for my dad and sister, so that I could be there and support them. I did try talking to my friends once, but they couldn't talk to me about it. My dad also offered my sister and I counselling through our church but we weren't ready for that and by the time we were the offer was gone.

So many ways it's changed me, more than I'm aware of I'm sure. I'm definitely stronger, my family is closer and more important to me, it made me more resolute in accomplishing my goals, reinforced some old ideas to not rely on anyone but also to not take people for granted, and, I don't know how to describe this one, but I want all my good moments to be even greater so that somehow the 'extra good' is for my mom.

 

I guess when my cousin died in a car accident at the age of 16. She wasn't driving either.. and even asked the wanker to slow down. He is still alive and my cousin is the one who payed the price.

 

My life is one long sad moment.

Seriously I had my share of sad moments but when I was living them I was on my best Mad Pirate Jack attitude. You know on every episode something bad happens to him and he whines "This is the worst thing ever happened to me!"... Just like that.

Of course they add me something. Taught me a valueable lesson. Otherwise I would be biggest fool in the universe. Those were turning points of my life. Each made me more mature, more bitter, more distant... I saw the worst in me, saw how easy for one to fall from grace, how a life build around someone else so easily can lead to agony.

Most important thing to remember during those moments... no matter how terrible and sad the moment is... to remember that it will pass. Just calm down, press your palms together and breath. In the end you are living your life, not anyone else. It is in your power more than anyone else to turn it into heaven or hell. You did a huge mistake? It's done. Take your lesson and be wiser next time and move on.

 

My crises taught me...
To take a deep breath and realize that things are not as dire as they seem
To appreciate the simple pleasures of life
To be aware of brighter possibilities
To be honest with myself
To know that I deserve happiness just as much as anyone else
To be more guarded and distant.

 

High School

I'm not sure if I moved on from it. I still think about the stupid crap a lot of people said to me. I think it may have made me stronger as I don't worry as much as I used to. But there are still moments where I remember one thing or another and break something out of anger. Still I try to maintain myself and try to remember it's all in the past.

 

honestly between 2008-2012 where the worst years of my life. My dad moved us away from our family and friends in 2008 "to start a new life" because of our phsyco' neihbours were attacking and forcing everyone to evict our street. The thing is, the only reason we went there away from everything was because my dad had been cheating on my mother with a girl that was only 5 years older than me (also happened to be a family friend) and she had moved there. A year after we moved there, i found out about it and I had stressed about it for about a week because i had no idea what to do, i was to young and scared to say anything, then my mum found out and... yea the rest was full of years fights and lies (my dad still lies about things to this day, like money and i believe he is gambling small amounts). To make it worse we lost 3 dogs in 3 months at around 2010, the first was because our young dog ripped the throat out of our older dog (13yo) over a bone, that was horrifying for my mum because it was her dog, we had the pup put down and then we had a new pup that was about 5 months old at that stage when the other 2 died and she ran under a moving car at 8 months old that my mum was driving. For us we spend a lot of time training our dogs so losing a dog is more like losing a friend.


I feel more emotionally mature, I've gotten far better at controlling my anger, I'm more aware of lies and others emotions. I'm also closer to my mum. It's made me more of a quiet person, I don't have much of a social life (pretty hard to do in this town). In the end i feel like a stronger person and I'm resonably happy with what i have and where i am.

 

I think the saddest moment I have ever felt was when I was about 20: I had just gone through a very traumatic event and was suffering a lot because of it. It made my parents uncomfortable to see me in such a state so they pretty much stuck their heads in the sand and pretended it wasn't happening. So instead of being able to talk about how I felt, or even acknowledge that anything had ever happened, I had to force it all deep down and pretend things were fine.

It was awful. I felt completely detached, almost felt like I was going insane. I think the saddest part here wasn't the fact that I was feeling so messed up, it was that my parents not only chose to not get involved, but that they chose to completely ignore what was happening, which was the worst thing they could have done. I spiralled into depression, I was frequently suicidal and resorted to self harm to deal with everything.Three years later, still not one word has been said about any of it. I got better, but I still hate them a little bit.

 

hmmm, too many to choose from
1) When my youngest sister was born 12 weeks prematurely. My Nan looked after us. I think it made me stronger as a person, I was just 11 at the time but I took on many responsibilities.
2) My nan having bowel cancer in 2013, when she went to the hospital to get it removed. During the operation they accidentally hit/cut an artery so she had to have 6 blood transfusions. Then after that she had a suspected heart attack. She was dead for 5 minutes and that happened more then once. She also had to get a pacemaker. After all that she is still alive today.
3) try to talk my friend out of suicide last October. Kinda reminded me that this is real life.

 

Has to be one of the two for me:
When my grandfather passed away and I couldn't even attend his funeral.
When I met up with my father after not seeing him for several years and I wanted to exchange phones or e-mails to keep in touch and he answered something along the lines of 'you don't have to'.

 

When I had to have my first cat put to sleep. It killed me, I stopped feeling then.
And then again when my granny died. I pretty much don't feel anything anymore.

 

August 5, 2006 the day my grandfather died. I cried almost everyday for a year after that.