Bisexual???

A lot of people that approve of gays, do not approve of bisexuals. A number of people I know personally don't belive that someone can be bisexual- that they are either gay or straight. What does everyone believe here? I'm not saying that I believe this, so I hope I don't affend any bisexuals here, but I'm just curius what everyone else thinks about it.

[aussie paul]

hi, looks like i'm first here! For years I acted and believed I was straight, although I had m2m sex and at one time a house mate (Gay lover). He had a girlfriend in another town, so I guess he was Bi. I had also girlfriends, so I guess i was Bi too. But i didn't know about Bisexuals, just Gay or straight. That was in the 1970s. I was in my 20s then.
Now I do identify as Bisexual. I am honest with myself history. I have had several m2m friends, and several girlfriends. Since being married to a woman for 11 years, i have been loyal to her. But i do dream of an would prefer men.
So i'm Bi but closer to Gay than others would like to think.

However, a professional i have recently been speaking with says that all her gay male clients say that Bi's are really gay but in denial!!

i don't agree. I like the idea of a line - a continuing between totally gay to totally hetro. (if any one is like that ha ha!)

confused? ............ Paul

PS: My wife knows my sexual preferences or orientation. That's another problem for us.
Paul.

[Steam Giant]

Being bisexual sucks.

While most tolerant people are fine no matter what gender you prefer, there are those within both orientations (straight as well as gay) who either dislike bisexuals, or don't believe that they exist. "Bi today, gay tomorrow" is a common phrase, indicating the belief that people who identify as "bi" are simply learning to accept that they are actually gay.

I tend to think that a lot of the confusion simply comes from the fact that the people who disbelieve the concept of bisexuality simply can't understand the idea of liking both genders - they're used to being interested in one, and not in the other, and anything other than that is an alien perspective. There are others who believe the idea to be unclean ("ew, you sleep with girls too?") and others still who feel that it opens up new avenues for someone to cheat on them, which implies that simply because someone is interested in both genders, they must be obsessed with sex ("I'm afraid he would cheat on me with a girl. I could never compete with a woman.")

Those are real quotes that I've personally heard, by the way.

I think the idea of the bisexual person sleeping with a gender that a person finds undesirable, or the idea that a bisexual person is by their nature sex obsessed, are the two biggest prejudices against bisexuals.

Of course, it works other ways too. For instance, I find that the people in my area are more accepting of bisexuals than they are of homosexuals. As another direct quote, "but you still like girls, right?" Or, on rumors circulating work that I'm gay, "they're not true, though. You aren't." In those cases, I think to those people, I'm still "straight enough" for them to be comfortable around me.

I'm still not entirely sure if I'm gay or bisexual, however, and in the end, I really think it depends on each person's definition of what it means to be bisexual. Under some definitions I've heard, I am bi, and under others, I'm not. In the end, it doesn't really matter. I identify myself as Dan :P not as my sexual orientation, and that's what matters.

And if anyone else has any problems with that, they can go themselves and mind their own business!

[Brandford]

I know someone like this, he says girls can be bisexual but guys cant

[Mickey]

I was one of those people that thought,you're either gay or straight. (Sorry!)
But I now believe that there are true Bi-sexuals. Actually EC helped me along those lines.
I am 100% lesbian. I never thought or felt attracted to men. I guess my thoughts just
reflected this.
I have a niece who identifies as bi. I believe she could have a relationship
with either sex.
So,you CAN teach old dogs new tricks! lol!
I now think...whatever makes you happy. I hope this answers your question.
Mickey*

I think that there is never really any bounds of sexuality.
I believe that, even though I feel comfortable and confident with my sexual identity, identifying as lesbian, I don't think I'd ever completely rule out being with a guy. If the right one came along, and I felt that it was right, then I'd go for it. I highly doubt that it would happen, but I'm not saying that it couldn't ever happen.

[starfish]

To be honest I'm not surprised that most people are not accepting of bisexuals. From what I have seen most people think discretely. 1, 2, 3, red, blue, green, likes men, likes women. The truth is that the universe is not discrete, it is continuous. There is an infinite set of numbers between 1 and 2, a whole spectrum between red and blue, a whole range of sexual orientations between likes men and likes women.

I'm in the same position as Steam Giant. Trying to figure out if I am bi or gay. I like guys and I want to be with a guy, but I see a lot of women that I find attractive. At the end of the day I still want a guy. I figure just go with it and see what happens. I'll worry about the label later.

[lexie]

Originally Posted by Brandford

I know someone like this, he says girls can be bisexual but guys cant

ive heard people say that too, its obviously complete BS. ive heard of a few studies that said in men its very rare, but i think thats a load of rubbish. when it comes to sexuality, its not black and white for many people, i absolutely believe bi-sexuality exists both in men and women. almost all bisexuals have a preference anyways.

[brasilboy1]

I found this nifty chart which can help in understanding the issue. Paradigm 3 is the most adequate at explaining the phenomenon of human sexuality.



In Kinsey's continuum, the peak of the bell curve is between 1 and 2 on the continuum.

[Psychedelic Bookmarks]

I've heard of people like that before, but I think it's really stupid. It makes no sense to me. I think everyone is on a continuum, and most people are probably not right at the edges, why would they be? Down with biphobia!

Sometimes I think that I'm really bi but I'm in denial because I'm scared of all the misconceptions/stereotypes about bis. I just don't know.

[Jesse Jinx]

Yeah, I've heard that BS too. "You're either gay, srtaight, or lying." Not ture says this girl. Starfish said it well. It's really just who you are. There's no real label, it's just who you as a person are attracted to. If it's both then it's both. No one has any right to question you or what your body is telling you.

[Steam Giant]

Originally Posted by starfish

I'm in the same position as Steam Giant. Trying to figure out if I am bi or gay. I like guys and I want to be with a guy, but I see a lot of women that I find attractive. At the end of the day I still want a guy. I figure just go with it and see what happens. I'll worry about the label later.

Wow, that sounds awfully familiar! That's so similar to my situation, it's eerie! ^^

While I'm not really concerned with labeling at the moment, I think I'm leaning strongly towards "the gender(s) you can have a relationship with, fall in love with and spend the rest of your life with depict your orientation." Of course, I'd never impose that on anyone that's not me! But for me, that would mean that I'm gay - While I'm attracted to both genders, I only desire a relationship with a man.

Again, I must emphasize that this is my own personal definition of sexuality that I'm running with, and would never use it to categorize other people.

[BeautifulStranger]

I have always believed that bisexuals are ficticious.
Because generally, you meet bisexuals with a preference. Well, due to the definition of bisexual, they shouldn't have a preference.
I also think that, for the most part, they have some influencing factor that won't allow them to come out entirely. So instead of subjecting themselves to the consequences, they choose a happy medium in an attempt to please as many people as possible.
Not to mention I know plenty of 'bisexuals' that do it for the attention.

[Trumpetplyer23]

I've always believed that bisexuality exists. Since I am bisexual, I can say that both men and women turn me on.

There are guys and girls that do it for attention, which makes it harder for those of us that aren't faking it to be taken seriously.

Also, if you came out as bi, why would you want to come out again? You'd come out as bi and then be like, "Oh shoot...looks like I'm gay." You'd have to go through the entire process again. Which would suck...so I guess what I'm saying is, people shouldn't come out as bi/gay/straight (if you can come out as straight...hmm...) until they're entirely sure...

[lexie]

Originally Posted by Wonderwall

I have always believed that bisexuals are ficticious.
Because generally, you meet bisexuals with a preference. Well, due to the definition of bisexual, they shouldn't have a preference.
I also think that, for the most part, they have some influencing factor that won't allow them to come out entirely. So instead of subjecting themselves to the consequences, they choose a happy medium in an attempt to please as many people as possible.
Not to mention I know plenty of 'bisexuals' that do it for the attention.

thats actually not true. the definition of a bisexual is a person who "can experience sexual, emotional, and affectional attraction to both their own sex and the opposite sex". bisexuality doesnt require you to be attracted equally to both sexes.

a lot of bisexuals have a preference towards one sex, thats hugely common.

[aussie paul]

Originally Posted by Wonderwall

I have always believed that bisexuals are ficticious.
Because generally, you meet bisexuals with a preference. Well, due to the definition of bisexual, they shouldn't have a preference.

Ok, so the 'BI' part of the word looks like it means 50/50 or half/half . Words change meaning in language. but is see what you are getting at here. but we haven't got a better word at the moment.

See brasilboy1's post. I believe in the Kinsey Continuum at the moment. meanwhile i have serious questions about sexual - physical - emotional - spiritual preferences being mixed. so my sexual preference may be male to male, but i may prefer the emotional relationship with a female. and so it goes, ........... multi dimensional preferences.

for me, and many others Bi is the best label, if we must have labels.
Paul

[mj89]

Yeah bisexuals tend to get a bad rep. That's why I think it makes it so much harder for me to come out as bi. It's hard when you feel like you're not accepted in either the gay or straight world, so I feel like a lot of people just keep quiet and let people assume that they're straight (so that they're accepted by both communities).

The main problem is that people think that you're either doing it for attention, experimenting, or will eventually one day be able to admit that you're 100% gay.

I fall in love with the person, not the gender *shrugs*

[starfish]

Originally Posted by mj89

... It's hard when you feel like you're not accepted in either the gay or straight world, so I feel like a lot of people just keep quiet and let people assume that they're straight (so that they're accepted by both communities). ....

My whole life I have never really fit in or been accepted in any group. I've always been the crazy one, the square peg in the round hole. I'm not just talking about sexuality, I'm like that with everything everything I do. I'm never fully in one camp, I usually see both sides and agree with ideals from both. So no one group really ever fully accepts me. It can be lonely at times, but I would not have it any other way. It is nice to know you are free to become the best you can.

As for the people that do it for attention, I don't worry about them. They'll move along when the next cool thing comes along, but I'll still be here.

[biisme]

Originally Posted by Wonderwall

I have always believed that bisexuals are ficticious.
Because generally, you meet bisexuals with a preference. Well, due to the definition of bisexual, they shouldn't have a preference.
I also think that, for the most part, they have some influencing factor that won't allow them to come out entirely. So instead of subjecting themselves to the consequences, they choose a happy medium in an attempt to please as many people as possible.
Not to mention I know plenty of 'bisexuals' that do it for the attention.

Well, I can't be that fictitious, because I'm typing this. Lol.

But, on a serious note. I actually do not currently have a preference; I'm pretty much in the middle. However, I know many bisexuals with a preference. "Bi" does not mean 50/50 or "equally", or anything like that. "Bi" is a prefix that means "two". Like in "bicycle"....two cycles....two wheels. "Bipolar" is like "two-poles"; it's called manic-depressive as well because they have two extreme moods.

In no way, shape, or form, does the word bisexual mean, or in any way insinuate that the person must be equally attracted to both sexes.

^ Well said.

I'm going to reference Kinsey's scale. It has 7 numbers, of which only 3 are absolue- absolutely hetero, absolutely homo, and absolutely in the middle. The other 4 are ranges of bisexuality. But I think most people, men especially, class themselves as straight if they are between a 0 and a 3.

I'm actually of the belief that most people are bisexual to some degree. I think that there are relatively few completely straight or gay people- people who wouldn't consider or be able to have a relationship with a person not of their preferred gender. That's just my theory, however.