Does it bother anyone else that . . .

I agree, Chip, but I also think it's a sense of invalidating the vulnerability you felt in the coming out moment.

I suppose it depends on the delivery.

 

Personally, I feel amused when people say they knew as I hold myself to be very difficult to `detect`. But, as Chip pointed out, people feel bothered because it's as if their privacy was violated.

 

I think it's some peoples' way of making light of the situation and letting the person know you don't care. If someone that seemed gay to me came out to me I'd probably like "well, duh!"

 

That's an excellent point. It's as if one feels less empathy, in some sense.

I had this happen in the past, and it felt uncomfortable, but I was always at a loss as to exactly why. Now, it wouldn't bother me, being out, married...if somebody guesses before I tell them, no big deal compared to so many other things going on now.

But back when I first came out, yes, it did feel odd.

 

The "gay" community/society has given people reason and cause to make assumptions and snap decisions on peoples sexuality. Don't be blaming other people for the power you give them over you....it's not their fault, it's yours and all of the gays out there who keep treating gay like its a label of endearment or a badge of honor of some kind for "coming out of a closet".

Nobody put you in said closet, but you.

You want to be a decent human being without being judged, then stop being a martyr, a victim of your own making.

You work at being a decent human being and nobody is gonna give a shit who you wanna fuck.

 

Doesn't bother me, 4 out of 5 people(all of them female) say that when I come out to them...I still can't figure out how...

 

I was really surprised when my friend told me she knew... I think it's sometimes a little rude, but I think it's meant to be comforting at the same time ^.^ Like, I knew already and it wasn't a problem, so no worries~

 

Well my mom said she knew since I was 3 but I didn't take that offensively.

 

It's not that easy for some of us. My parents are extremely religious types and they'd disown me in like 0.00002 seconds if they found out. My relationship with them would never be the same.

I don't like it, but the reality is that I have to weigh coming out against the consequences. Maybe five or ten years from now if I'm in a serious relationship, if I want to have a baby (and I do), then things could be different. I hope that I can be at peace with what happens because it's not going to be easy. But I'm not ready to go through that now.

Who knows, the way things are going, maybe they'll be more accepting in a few years and it'll be easier.

 

I could see it coming off as dismissive even if that isn't the intention. Coming out is usually a big emotional investment so when someone just shrugs it off or worse it can be a damaging blow to your pride. That's why I don't make a big flaming deal about coming out anywau

 

Luckily, no one suspected me...and I mean NO ONE! XD

 

It's kind of annoying, because it kind of takes away your pride at having come out. You work yourself up about it for ages, and it feels so awesome to have everything out in the open, and then someone says 'Oh, I knew already'. And it just makes you feel so pointless :/

 

I think it's something like a defense mechanism sometimes.saying "i knew it all along" can cover up a lot of insecuritys

 

"Knew/know" is an objectionable word :dry: people just say that without thinking.
The word they should use is "suspect/speculate*
Another fallacy in our daily life.
I should reread "Thinking, Fast and slow" again.

 

Sometimes we just emit homo radiation. A friend of mine who I met in September was completely straight when I met her and now she's Bi XD

 

I'm not really certain how detectable I am. Only one person so far said they knew when I told them and their reasons lead me to believe they might well have done rather than just wanting to seem highly observant.

There's a couple of people I know of who will take every chance to say they knew someone else was gay when it was revealed. I do find it annoying so I just interact with those kind of people less than I would otherwise...

 

Personally, I like it. Means I am feminine enough to not be taken as a man. It might be different when it's about being trans, though.

 

Maybe its the same thing if they assumed you were straight , when i came out i din't get a "i knew it", rather a "oh makes sense"