Empty Closets Coming Out Resources and a Safe Place to Chat
Welcome Forum Chat Room Resources News Members

Go Back   Empty Closets - A safe online community for gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered people coming out > General Chat > Chit Chat

Chit Chat General discussion of topics of interest to LGBT people of all ages.

Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 25th Nov 2008, 10:07 AM   #1
Member
Regular Member
 
atofu's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: Family only
Location: london
Age: 20
Posts: 69
Join Date: Dec 2007


Default English c/w help :P = personal narrative

hiya ^_^

okay, we are basically writing a story of an event that occured in our life :P i've already done a first draft and i just need help on a few things:
1. my teacher says i need a better word, can you please help me think of one? or should i just leave this line out of the story:
- it was all amazing.
(^ i was talking about my new house lol)

-walking
^ i was walking towards the tv, like i was hypnotised..is there a word for this?

2. and another quick one, does this make sense:
- I gallivanted around the living room, scanning my surroundings. Something caught my eye.

thank-you
atofu
atofu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th Nov 2008, 12:56 PM   #2
Hug Whore
Full Member
 
tm74's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: Gay
Out Status: no immediate family - pretty much everyone else
Location: Wales, UK
Age: 38
Posts: 415
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: English c/w help :P = personal narrative

A few thoughts...

If you're hypnotised, you're in a trace, or trance-like state. so maybe the line could be something like "I was drawn towards the TV in a trance like state"

Hope that helps...
__________________
"Free your secrets to free yourself"
tm74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 25th Nov 2008, 01:59 PM   #3
Drizzt DoUrden
Guest
 
Posts: n/a


Default Re: English c/w help :P = personal narrative

If you're talking about a new house, use a descriptor that actually says something. Use a word that makes you picture something specific in your head. "It was so amazing" can describe anything from cars to clouds to feelings. But for example, "The house was filled with bright, shiny new electronics and everything smelled like plastic wrapping" actually says something specific. I don't know what you want to say about your new house, but be specific as you can.

As for hypnotized, tm74 said it well. Pulled or drawn both work, I think.
  Reply With Quote
Old 25th Nov 2008, 09:07 PM   #4
EC's Resident DJ
Full Member
 
musican's Avatar
 

Gender: Male
Orientation: "I wanna kiss a boy"
Out Status: family and facebook
Location: (Not the city), New York
Age: 20
Posts: 3,832
Join Date: Oct 2008


Default Re: English c/w help :P = personal narrative

other than what tm74 said I can only add dazed or in a daze
__________________
How I miss our love
when the winter surrounds me
icicle teardrops.
musican is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Command and Conquer 3... Tokarov Entertainment and Media 7 10th Feb 2008 03:39 PM
DEBATE: should america finally make english its official language? surfrboykai Chit Chat 63 13th Oct 2007 11:34 PM


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:29 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2012, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.6.0
Copyright ©2004 - 2012, Empty Closets. The Empty Closets name and logo are registered trademarks.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11