Are Trans* People "Morally" Obligated to Tell Their Partners...?

Slowly coming out trans people in relationships already should only tell their partner when they are comfortable doing so; already out trans people probably should mention it just in case the other person is uncomfortable with the idea of being with a trans person.

I can't say for sure through.

 

I think it is completely up to the person... But personally, I would look down on someone who would hide their past from their partner, assuming they were close and it wasn't some kind of broken relationship. Even if it feels wrong to admit it or emotionally hard... If they love you, they deserve to know.

 

Keeping secrets from your partner is generally a bad thing to do that will never end well for either of you so... well, I dunno about 'morally obligated, but I'd say yeah they better tell them.

 

I'm a cis male, but I will give my opinion. At some point in the relationship a person who is trans will need to come out to his/her partner. During sexual intercouse it would become self-evident and not the best time to have that discussion. At the very least, consider it a "medical" situation that requires disclosure before sex.

 

I would not consider it an obligation to come out as early as possible, so much as a precaution. Considering the world we live in, I would strongly advise coming out as early as possible. Especially, for transgender woman. There is a new case every week of violence that occurred because a heterosexual man felt entitled to a vagina when meeting with a trans woman.

However, unless specifically asked, a transgender individual not informing you of their past or lack of transition is not deceptive. Asking a man or woman out on a date does not entitle you to a penis or vagina.

The fact of the matter is that agreeing to date someone is agreeing to date someone. Unless there is something about that individual that can pose a risk to you (such as disease and infection), they most certainly do not have an obligation to tell you the status of their genitals, fertility, body, etc. Transgender individuals don't have an obligation to hand out disclaimers to potential partners because they happen to pass well.

You assumed about their past. You assumed about their genitals. So, unless you ask those questions. There is no deception.

 

I think you should. It doesn't have to be as soon as you meet them, but I think they should be told.

 

They should tell their partner eventually if they are pre-op and plan to have a sexual relationship. It doesn't have to be immediately in the relationship, but it should eventually be discussed similar to other issues with sexual compatibility.

 

Unless I couldn't tell you were transgender when you're completey naked (ie post op whatever), then you should tell me at least after a couple of dates. I think it's lying not to tell me.

 

only if it might turn into a committed relationship imo, definitely not during the first couple dates and especially not when they first meet.

 

I actually think people are morally obligated to tell their partner both, their gender identity and sexual orientation.

If I would speak about how I feel about the issue, I'd really urge people to be as honest as they can with their partner. If I dated someone who was assigned male at birth, but was actually female trans*, that really would just conflict with my sexual orientation. I'm not straight, so I would really appreciate for someone to tell me everything. All good relationships are based on honesty.

If I date someone and find out that they weren't being completely honest with me from the start, then that could really hurt a relationship for me.

 

I personally think it's disgusting that some folks think you're "morally obligated" to tell them something so personal like that. I don't see how it's lying. Maybe I'm just too sensitive about it, but I think it's wrong for your partner to assume your gender in the first place. Really, they should just ask or let you disclose that when you're ready. The idea that you're morally obligated to tell them that is really harmful, in my opinion.

 

Whether or not it's moral or even obligated, doesn't change the fact:

It is going to have to come up.

Maybe not when you first meet eyes.
Maybe not when you're early into being exclusive.
Maybe not during that fancy dinner you two are eating.
Maybe not when they're complimenting you on your outfit.

But at some time, it will have to be addressed.

It isn't that easy... rawr... blah, blah, blah...​

Spoiler

Intimacy is the most likely culprit to bring it about. Being touched a certain way, or somebody assuming something about you. Either of these is going to cause some tension, and it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know when the mood changes.

Having been in a situation like this, not too long ago, I decided to tell someone. But I made sure to get to know them, and see how they'd handle such things. Even if somebody seems perfect, that isn't something everybody thinks about immediately upon meeting a person. Social cues and what you're told, is what you're working with, and most trans-folk can be awfully damn good at concealing themselves. Unless you're dating Sherlock fuckin' Holmes, there isn't a reason to consider such a thing...

... so, when telling another person, there is a shift in the relationship -- there has to be. It's either they accept and work with it, or they reject it. Maybe they come around, and maybe they don't, but whatever they do, they know and a part of you is with them. It's like giving them the keys to your house, it leaves you vulnerable, hell, you are vulnerable.

Somebody who doesn't plan on transitioning, there is a chance to talk it out, and see where things go from there. However, for those of us who have not ruled out corrective surgery, it really challenges another person. I wanted to let it be known late enough, to know this was somebody trustworthy, but short enough that feelings didn't get too invested -- logically, I made the best decision.

But emotions disagree, and I hate that.

There's a lot more to it than just being open, it's a relational Russian Roulette. It isn't on par with admitting you like to pick at your ear, or that you have a drinking problem, it's risking scrutiny and being criticized, gawked at, and drug through the societal mud. This is especially hard on male-bodied individuals who want to be feminine, because of the value on "being a man". People with dicks don't want to be soft and graceful, they want to be real tough guys, with big balls--

You get bombarded with ignorance, be it with good intentions or maliciousness. Your male company can become awkward and even dismissive of you. "You're a fag!", "Why would you WANT to be a girl?", "You LOOK too much LIKE A GUY!", and many others like these, are something trans-folk potentially have to hear. Your parents will have nothing to do with it, because it's your problem -- okay, that one's a bit personal, but even though my situation may be different, the fact I'm part of the lgbT caboose and come last, isn't.

The only things that keep me sane is, seeing this isn't a totally unique struggle. And knowing, one day, I'll get my titties--

And then, the world~!

<3

 

If it's a serious relationship, I feel like it should be--if only to not keep dark secrets from them. At some point they'll find out and if it's not from you, they will feel like they have been deceived, regardless of your intentions.

If it's just a fling I don't see the harm.

 

Kaiser is right. It's going to have to come up at some point. I think it would be better to get it out of the way sooner rather than later.

I don't think "morally obligated" is the right way to describe it, but "wise to do so" might work. Because like it or not, unless it's a shallow relationship, they're going to find out.

 

Morality isn't really applicable here because it will come up one way or another, whether you're up front about it or come out later. I think for the sake of saving both of your feelings, the sooner you tell them your gender identity the better, because the longer you get into the relationship without telling them, the more likely it is will hurt them or you. Always do it on your own terms, though; whenever you feel comfortable enough, tell them. If they matter enough, they will not care.

 

I don't think it should be 'morally obligated' obligated for a trans person to their partners. Of course I think you should probably tell your partner before sexual intercourse ensues, but it definitely shouldn't be morally obligated.

 

Thank you. :eusa_clap

 

I don't think so, especially when it could mean the difference between life in death. Rather, I think people should stop assuming everyone they date is automatically cis. You could ask, but that would be considered invasive by some. Unless you're deep stealth, something I hope becomes less common than in the past, it will probably come up sooner or later.

 

I think Gen and Kaiser nailed it.

There's definitely no obligation or moral argument. They will find out eventually if the relationship gets to that point, so I think it's better to let them know on your own terms rather than "oh yes bab- oh right, I should probably have mentioned that...." It really depends on the person, when and how they chose to share that info, and with who and to what extent. There is a lot of danger involved to consider as well (not just from violence but also if you live in a place that doesn't have employment or housing laws that protect trans* people too).

Personally, I think I'd say it before even agreeing to go out with someone. I play for keeps, so with the intention of starting a lasting, true partnership with someone I would need that insurance that they are okay with it and all it entails, especially considering I'm pre-everything and don't know that I'll even ever start HRT or have surgery.