Silly things You Did to Stay Closeted....

I told people I had a crush on a classmate in middle school because I was worried about being weird. Then everyone teased me about having a crush on him when I didn't even like him.

 

Faked crushes (even faked a boyfriend at one point in 8th grade), tried to be as girly as possible even if I hated makeup/feminine clothes, and tried out for cheerleading(because it was girly.), and turned into an homophobic jackass up until my freshman year (from seventh grade to eighth.)

 

There were some profs in college who were hot. I would listen to girls talk about them. Internally, I agreed with them but never said anything. I don't think that would qualify as silly, but it wasn't forthcoming either. Add to that list one of those handyman types who was always going around campus on one of those little carts. The girls didn't talk about him. He was a fireman type. After going back to visit the place, the handyman guy got more clone-ish and he was probably gay. I got the feeling that he would be the type to be into rough sex. I don't know why I got that feeling. There was something unpleasant about his vibe, even though he looked hot. As for the profs, 2 were married and one was not, and never had been and was probably around 42 to 45. He wore this tight fitting Indian silver bracelet that was sort of alternative for his department, but he also looked like a fireman type.

 

I did have fake crushes. Carrie Underwood and Shakira were two I used.
I was even told I had a thing for blonde-colored hair :lol:.

I also don't wear my pink or lime green khaki shorts that often. I feel it might be a "is he 'preppy, 'gay,' or 'both?'" :lol:

 

I've always cared about my appearance and styling my hair, but when I found out I was gay I threw out all my colourful clothes (anything that looked 'gay') and stopped styling my hair and that went on until I was 20.

 

I wore pink and turquoise, liked musical theatre, and Cole Porter...but I kept my hair short, played rugby, and dated girls.

 

I think I kinda embraced it from an early age but just didn't want to admit it. I liked spice girls, I had posters of Boyd from neighbours, I was obsessed with Steps and forced my sister to learn the dances with me. I asked for a kitchen for Christmas for 5 years in a row but never got one and I used to go to my friends house to play with her barbies and dolls. How my parents never suspected anything I never know. Unless they did, but kept quiet out of politeness the only cover I had really was to have a "girlfriend".

 

Maybe the silliest thing that comes to mind is asking for a Legolas figure for X-Mas. Cause look, I can like a boy! (Especially one that looks like a girl :eusa_doh: )

 

Oh boy. I always had a sort of disconnect with myself and other people growing up, but when I discovered I was in one closet (sexuality) it was so painfully obvious that I was trying to hide that I was in the closet that I might as well have closed myself in on the wrong side, hahaha. "No, mom. She's my best friend, we just like holding hands. And sleeping in the same bed."
It was everything from the various made up names of "boyfriends" past and all kinds of nonsense. Oh boy, I don't know how I managed under their radar. Ridiculous.

As for my gender, I went really far. I figured out that I had been dressing apathetically towards gender neutral since my mom stopped buying my clothes. And that I sized up to hide my curves. No one questioned it, but when I figured out why, I began to dress more feminine, to act more feminine, tried to get into that mental sphere. I went so far as to get a job at an eyelash extension studio, which forced me to become more feminine. It's sad, looking back. But kinda funny too.

 

Besides being in a 7 year relationship with a woman? Not much. Though I was not in the relationship just to remain closeted as such. Besides that not much, I have always been flamboyant, so how people did not put 2 and 2 together I don't know, but eh, not too mention it's more complicated.

 

I said "Bruce Wayne is my one and only love" whenever someone asked me who I'm crushing on...
...wait...i still say that.

 

I tried something a few years ago but it totally backfired. I had this frame that wasn't being used so I figured I'd put one of my posters there, I had recently bought a magazine which contained a poster of Justin Timberlake (who is one of the few male singers I actually like) so I decided to use that one, then my mom said it didn't look good but I ignored. One day when I came home she had replaced it with a Mariah Carey poster I had, I tried to remove it but when I looked in the back of the frame she had completely damaged the poster in order to fit it in the frame so I just left it there and therefore ended up with this on my wall

Spoiler

At first it was kind of embarassing, I thought someone might be suspicious about it, but now I barely remember it's there. Other than that I never really do anything to cover it up, I just avoid the subject of dating altogether.

 

I still kind of do this. When my parents ask if I'm gay or straight, I respond with "I don't know...".

I pretty much respond like this to let them know that I am without having to say it. I'll come out to them soon, but this is my way of not coming out just yet...

 

I remember acting like I wasn't excited to get a DVD of Howl's Moving Castle, because it wasn't "manly" enough. LOL.

 

I would look at the shirtless boys at track practice and pretend to be caught staring.

 

In 4th Grade I faked this crush on this girl when I actually I had my eye on this cute guy. Another time was in 7th/8th Grade when a girl asked me out and I said yes even though I was pretty sure I was gay at that point.

 

I tried dating girls, had fake girlfriends. Most importantly I kept my mouth shut when it came to dating and relationships, I couldn't say that all of my crushes were on guys. Up to this day I wonder how my mom couldn't figure out that I wasn't straight when all I could talk about was boybands and Shakira. What kind of 15 year old does that? lol.

 

Pretend to like male classmates and smooching over male artists