A full, sincere, 180° reversal in their homophobic views to have views that are not homophobic and in fact now supportive of the LGBTQ community.
Did they do something specific that I need to forgive them for? I mean, did they burn down my house? Or do they think all LGBT people should be drawn and quartered and they're shouting this in the street? Or, do they think non-straight relationships are wrong, and I only found out because I asked them? It depends on the circumstances.
I think there are different kinds of homophobes. It's also not my place to judge and therefore forgive anyone.
Depends. If you went out of your way to be a problem, it's going to be harder. But if you were caught up on something personal, it can be okay. There's a difference in being indifferent but unhelpful and being aggressive and unhelpful. But that's on a general scale. Directly influencing my life is not an easy offense to look over, especially if that life was spent in a less than stellar position. You don't exactly get time back...
I can forgive anyone who changes their views of LGBT people. Although I'd have a much harder time doing this if say, they did something like the following:
I can forgive them anything they do to me. They can hurt me, they can take everything away from me. And I think I could still forgive them. I understand they're stuck in their ways, and maybe someday they'd learn or people will learn better from what they do. If they're just in protest, I can't be angry with them for having opinions. I don't have to like them to forgive them of their actions, especially if their actions are caused by ignorance. The only time I can't forgive someone is when they hurt someone I care about. Especially if they do it to get to me.
Usually I'm a very forgivable person but when it comes to the LGBT community in general... I just don't think I could ever forgive a homophobe (unless they somehow change).
My partner's father was a complete homo(and many other things)phobe. He refused to see or talk to me (or about me) for years. Until shortly before he died of cancer a couple years ago, he refused to believe that I did not corrupt his daughter or that she could possibly be happy with a woman...that it was my controllingness that made her stay with me. If, during one of her rare visits to her parents, she mentioned me (which was pretty much inevitable at some point in the visit), it always led to a huge fight. Even during the worst of it, I forgave him to the extent that I could...and when he died I did my best to let him know that I bore no ill will. He was an intelligent and well-meaning individual, but had serious fear-based limitations that prevented him from being able to see *anything* from another's viewpoint. Having realized that nobody chooses to live with limitations (and even not being willing to work to get over your limitations is a limitation), I find it difficult hold a serious grudge against limited people (and we're all limited people). The fact is that he hurt himself far worse than he ever hurt me or my partner. He basically destroyed his relationship with his daughter, prevented his wife from continuing a relationship with her daughter (for years...things are better now), hurt his regard with much of the rest of his family (who had comparatively no trouble with us), caused himself no end of guilt and embarrassment, and much more.... On the other hand, my partner always knew her dad was a bigot, so the loss of that relationship was comparatively mild to her...she amply compensated for the loss by allowing herself to be adopted by my family, who love her. If I can't get past my own limitations, then how fair is it for me to demand that others get past theirs?
That's exactly what went through my mind. Homophobia is a state of mind or a belief system of sorts. I only wrestle with "do I forgive or not forgive" when someone has done something that they knew would impact me negatively and went ahead and did it anyway. I'd have to think about it. And since many people repeat their behaviors, I find that I either forgive but not forget or don't forgive and walk away. Those are the only two reasonable options when the person is a "repeat offender." I've dealt with this with both family and friends. If someone is a homophobe, the person probably has some limitations in their thinking that might NOT affect you negatively. It's probably best to find out why they are a homophobe, if you can. Is it religion, familial brainwashing, or that they had an experience they feel guilty about so they are now all freaked out by LGBT people?
I look at someone like my dad who wasn't really "homophobic" but not used to gay people at all. Now that he knows I'm gay his attitudes have shifted. Someone like that, I completely understand and wholeheartedly forgive. Someone who knows better and still preaches hatred against the LGBT community (or uses violence), I would have a much harder time forgiving.
I've seen plenty of homophobia, and still do. I feel I can forgive them, although it does upset me greatly. In some ways, I feel sorry for them, because of their blindness and lack of understanding.
