For those who are out to about everybody...

How do you come out to others who don't know that you're gay? Do you still have the deep conversation that you're gay and such, or you just casually say it as if you said "I have a pet dog."

I came out to two more people recently in a more casual way. It went more like "I'm just concerned about dating because I'm gay and....."

 

I tell people by just saying I am partnered with a woman when they ask about my family or husband

 

It's been much more casual as what you described. Whatever comes out, comes out.

 

"Dude, I'm a lesbian."
"I don't give a f*ck."
"Okay."
That's it.

 

Depends on the relationship I have with the person. With my mom and closest friends, I of course had ''the talk'', but with less important people in my life I like to just casually point it out.

''Maybe I would actually date Jennifer Lawrence if I was straight...''

 

I don't think I've ever done what I would consider a deep conversation about it. It's usually been more along the lines of (as you say) 'I have a dog' or 'I like brussels sprouts'.

When I came out to my mom, there was a bit of conversation, but more her being worried for me and me assuring her that I was quite capable of taking care of myself. But even then that was less than 30 minutes on the phone IIRC. For most everyone else it's been something like:

'I'm gay.'

'Oh, ok'

Sometimes there would be conversations later, if they had questions or whatnot, but nothing I would consider very deep.

I had one fairly homophobic co-worker when I was first coming out who was shocked and horrified that I was gay (and at first refused to believe me and then insisted he needed to take me to a strip club to 'fix' me), but he was just amusing.

For the time I've been with my husband, I usually take a more casual approach of just talking about what 'we' do on the weekends or did on a trip or whatever and people seem to get the idea pretty fast.

Todd

 

Uh, well, I usually just wait for it come up in conversation. Most folks take one look at me & figure I'm some flavor of queer, though, so I don't imagine it's a shock to hear me confirm it. Most of the people I meet are queer anyways, so they either already know or don't care once they do know. I'm very private, so typically they'll (straight people) find out by one of my friends making a (harmless) gay joke towards me & then ask, "Wait, are you gay?" & I'll respond with, "Well, yeah. Technically I'm panromantic demisexual, but if you don't know what that means, you can just say I'm gay." As for my gender, I haven't quite worked out how to tell people about that one yet.

 

When I was younger I used to have the whole I'm gay discussion followed by 100 questions...and I hated it....now if it comes up or I'm talking about relationships with someone I just say it just like someone would say they are straight...I don't make it feel awkward to bring it up and by just saying it with confidence and not avoiding it people just kinda look over it and continue with the conversations...be confident and honest with who you are and others will be too

 

Some of my sister friends, Did not realise I was gay and some things they'd say about ladies, I'd say whatever I did and nothing was asked to me about it... Then I found out later they asked my sister if I was gay as they had no clue and wondered...

I do not feel the need to just say " I'm gay " As straight people do not just say " I'm straight " We are all what we are at the end of the day...

 

I don't "come out" to everyone. I am only directly out to family and close friends. Everyone else I am out indirectly to. If it comes up in conversation then they will know. But I am not one to shout it from the roof tops and tell the world. It does not matter to me who knows and how many. Though it is not like I need to "come out" as my personality more than does that for me

 

Some people assume, or I'll make a comment about a guy or something of the like. And when you're totally out, you find that you don't have to make it clear to every person you meet in every [initial] conversation.

 

It gets more casual as time goes on.

 

I still hide it when people get heteronormative. Like yesterday, I was talking with someone I had only seen twice ever as he is my aunt's bf. He is a nice guy and we were talking outside, and my aunt(technically late uncle's first wife) asked if we needed anything, he said, "Just a few women." I don't feel the need to come out like that at parties. Close family and most extended family know, and that is all I care about.

I realize someone would be upset at me for taking this stance, but coming out as bi to people at parties doesn't lend itself to ease.

 

The way I see it is that you only have to come out if you are in.

Being "in the closet" means doing things to hide your sexuality. I don't do that. As others have described, I speak freely/openly about my partner. Now that often gives the impression to people that I am a lesbian. If they actually says something that indicates they are making that assumption, I generally say one of three things:

(1) Oh, but I'm not a lesbian;
(2) Actually, I'm bisexual; or
(3) Actually, the fact that I have a female partner doesn't give you enough information to conclude that I'm a lesbian.

I choose which, depending on my mood, the person, and how much snark I feel they deserve. Sometimes, of course, the snark is a boojum, and I simply fade away.

Can you tell it's late and I'm tired?

 

Oh, how I envy most of you here...

 

Like this..... Two characters, Me and Someone Else (SE)

SE: "Hey, do you have a girlfriend?"
Me: "No... I don't like girls."
SE: "What?! You don't like girls?! Then, what do you like?!"
Me: "Eehh... Boys.."
SE: "Whaaat??!! You like boyyysss?!"
Me: "Yes."
SE: "Since when?"
Me: "Since always...."
SE: "But haven't you ever like girls?"
Me: "No."
Se: "Never ever?"
Me: "Nope."
SE: "And when did you find out that you like boys? How? And how are your parents with it?? Do they know???"

And that's how it mostly goes and I start talking about the whole thing that is new to them, it is getting a bit annoying, though. Sometimes a just joke with them and annoy them. Sometimes I just say "I like d**k! Let it go! Get over it!", and they laugh and stop the whole thing. That's about it.

 

I used to come out to people. I used to be like, "Hey, I'm bisexual, trangender and a drag queen" and I would do it before I made any kind of connection with them in case they where homophobic but now, I don't really care that much. Like I'll post what I post, I'll say what I say and if they find out, that's great. If they don't, I don't mind either. It's a lot easier because that way, they can slink away and not say anything instead of having to deal with their nasty comments head on.

I believe that most people know who and what I am and I think we're at a level where there's nothing needed to be said. If they leave, then that's their deal, not mine. I'll be glad to rid them from my life.

 

In my experience, the sort of people who might pose some kind of threat to your safety because of your sexuality are usually the sort of people who like to make rash assumptions, meaning they will either already assume you're not heterosexual or will react with instant disgust. This is not always the case, of course-- just as we shouldn't expect someone to be gay based on their social behaviors, we also shouldn't expect someone to be an ally simply because they don't demonstrate specific early-warning signs. I just tend to find that 'coming out' to strangers is not necessary to being victimized, but that can be an encouraging thought, because it means that most of the time, if you must 'come out' in order for someone to recognize you as non-heterosexual, they will probably not react in a dangerous way.

Maybe I've just lived in a lot of violent and polarizing locations, where people either hate you with their fists or aren't bothered at all, with no real in-between, but this has been my experience.

If you do find yourself engaged in one of those probing conversations with someone who asks a lot of invasive questions, I think it's best to remain as polite as possible. Even though it's unfair that GLBT*etc people are marginalized to the point that we all have to become information kiosks for the curious heteronormatives, we have a responsibility to each other and our community to present ourselves well-- not by their standards, but by the standards of basic human decency. I'm not saying we must all act as ambassadors, constantly vigilant and striving to prove ourselves, but rather that we should carry ourselves with the kind of dignity we wish to be afforded, so that we don't allow the topic of our own sexualities to drag us down to anyone else's level.

In general, though, as other posters have already said, I think the healthiest option is to simply talk about your life as it comes naturally to you, and let others catch on through context clues. Some people possess, as they say, a 'flame that burns bright,' while others have flames that burn exactly as bright as they need to light their way.

 

Well I mean.. I don't think I've really actually.. said.. I was gay.. to anyone? Like, actually said it apart from telling people on here I'm gay. People at school assumed it and made fun of me for it before I "came out", so I just kind of went with it. I think the only person I actually told told was my brother, and we did have that kinda deep meaningful talk, because I mean, I loved him. Plus I trusted him and he made things better.

Being as shy as I am, I don't usually meet new people, and when I do, it's typically when my fiancé (daimeon) has friends or family over. When it's a friend I haven't met, they typically go "hey dai, who's this?" which he returns nonchalantly "oh, the love of my life, Jess, meet ___ " to which they go "awhh!" and if its a girl I typically get attacked in a hug because almost all of dai's friends like hugs

 

Entirely casually. Typically either in the form of talking about an ex or an attractive male celebrity. Unless of course they go about assuming I'm straight, in which case I'll stop them right there and correct them.


Though it becomes hard to get the point across that I'm bisexual in a casual manner. People pretty much have to ask on that one, usually.