I think one of the things people in minority groups have experienced at one point is someone making an off-hand comment about their race/sexuality/gender identity/religion. I'll get onto interdectionality later. I experience microaggressions almost everyday at school, and I mostly brush them off. There's been times where I've been asked if I'm actually from this country or not, I'm asked to grow an afro almost everyday, there was one time where someone went up to me and said "my niggER" as if I was going to play along, I've been asked if I like fried chicken and watermelons, if my genitalia is substantially larger than the white boy I'm talking to, and don't even get me started on people's fascination with my hair.I did a bit of research and it seems that black women get the worst of this, there's always this "angry black woman" stereotype and with it, that black wonen are rude, loud, uncouth, dumb, uneducated, aggressive and sometimes violent. There is also the same fascination with hair. Again, I don't confront people about these things because it just feels awkward. Ever since I came out, I get boys in school asking me for sex, ask me about what I've done with boys, if I take it up the arse, if I like dressing up in drag, and yet these same people insist they are not homophobic. I do set the record straight with this kind of microaggression, however, if people refuse to listen there isn't much I can do. As a black gay boy, I experience both of these, and there have been times where they intertwine. Intersectionality is a problem people of a different race face in say, the LGBT community. Asian gay men are viewed as submissiv and effeminate gay men who must please the white man and only the white man, and I don't think I need to tell you how hypersexualized black men are period. I think the bedt way to deal with microaggresions is to educate the perpetrator especially if you are friends with this person. Most of the time these people mean well, but are just uneducated. Have you dealt with this form of discrimination, and if so, how did you deal with it?
Frankly, I do find the hair fascinating, it's so curly and it looks like it has a life of its own...so intriguing. Ofc I never ask to touch someone's hair, that's just plain creepy, nor I ask question about it. I just...stare and wonder about its liveness. As an Asian guy, I do have an issue with this, but not in the way you think. I can be *gulps* submissive and effeminate at times and I almost feel bad that I actually fit the stereotype. But pleasing the white man and only the white man? I have more dignity than that. I have my own life and I know what I want and how to get it. I'm not planning on pleasing any man, regardless of skin color, at the expense of my sense of self. Hm, can I still call myself submissive? Anyway, I slightly digress. I live in Europe. I have not yet encountered what you just described. My other Asian friends, however, have experienced such things. I only noticed these issues after my friends brought them up. So I might actually have experienced some form of discrimination myself but I'm too oblivious to realize. Basically, microaggressions is almost a non-issue here. Guess I'm just lucky.
thank you. threads like these do a great services, Im one of those males that love the long straight hair on black women, and I have commented on it, I have never done so in a way to mean anything racial, but if it has a chance of coming off that way, I will certainly watch my words carefully from here on out. The questions about your genitalia, or the fried chicken and water melon are obvious attempts at not so subtle racist barbs, but I always considered the hair comments as a compliment. what other things are said that could actually be meant as a compliment from the person saying it, but could tend to be taken as either an insult or just plain rude from the person it is said to. In your case as a transgendered person, I would limit my comments to only those that I would naturally give any girl, and I certainly would not make comments to the effect of how much you really look like a girl etc... by all reasonable standards, you are a girl and thats how you need to be treated. but, end case is that, sometimes there are things that can be said as true compliments that are either taken wrong, or you hear so much that you are just tired of hearing. Like me, Im fat, I know Im fat, do people not think I dont realize Im fat when I shop for clothing in the "your fat" section? I really dont need them to point it out.
I have a bit, yes. Being somewhat out as transgender and a drag queen, I get comments like "But you're not REALLY a guy" or "Why are you wearing make up? Guys don't do that." and the worst, "But you're so feminine! You should stay a girl." I mean, I have a whole list but these are the ones that bother me the most. Like you said, no matter how many times I try to set people straight, they just don't seem to get it. I get cold feet every time I go to change my name on Facebook. I fear losing the people I'm closest to and it gets to me and adding all of the comments to my life just doesn't help me in any way. I'll probably never understand why me doing what I do is so hard to understand. So to answer your question, there are times where I will tell them what for, or I'll just brush it off and continue on with my day.
Honestly, for the most part, I try to ignore it and walk away and just live my life if it's a microaggression directed towards me. People who do these things to you in person aren't likely to change their views, and I would rather not waste my time with these things when the outcome is essentially the same. I'd rather take a hit, so to speak, than take a hit, waste my time, and potentially make the situation even bigger. Basically, I want to be pragmatic about my encounters and time. I heavily respect people who do stand up for themselves because it really is an injustice. If it's directed to someone else, you can bet I'll be speaking up. The dynamics will have changed because showing support is priceless and I'm in full support of solidarity against unfair negativity to help people who are experiencing it combat it.
They don't bother me, obviously I don't get any of the racial stuff but, since I'm generally an open book I usually don't mind if someone asks me stuff about my sexuality or my sexual history or whatever. Even if it's invasive, I'll probably think that to myself but I won't make a big deal about it. I've noticed lately that I'm getting more laid back about gender stereotyping and some other stuff my family does like that. The thing is they aren't really aware of it and they mean it in the most harmless of ways, so for people like that I have a live and let live attitude about them. If I see it actually causing physical or mental distress for someone however that is the moment I will step in
I avoid being around such people if I can. If I have to deal with it, I just stare at them until they apologize. Usually it doesn't take long. Another technique is to be temporally deaf. When the fools see you don't even react, they stop doing it. I have no idea how it would be if I had been born black. I guess I would have to dealt with what you described. However I was born with the wrong gender and I still do remember the wolf whistles and the tons of shit I had to endure with a smile, cause they mean it well, dear... Nobody ever went as far as touching me without my consent, but I have witnessed such stuff being done to others, and I have heard about rape, domestic violence and the rest. It's hard not to beat that scum... It's very hard to resist the urge... As I have said, I don't react, I just turn to stone or stare at them at the eye until I hear an apology or they turn their shitty heads. So far it has worked, for whatever reason, and I'm not even tall or muscular... However I almost had my teeth broken once 'cause I got into an argument with a guy. Even if I wasn't presenting as a man back then, I received a few bruises after I made a remark about her mother. Lucky me I wasn't on my own that day, so I got only bruises and insults from the retard... I'm sorry you had to endure those insults : That kind of scum deserve a beating, nothing else...
The particular minority group I belong to usually gets treated as being somehow 'better,' almost revered, and held up to this strangely suffocating standard of curiosity and respect-- the stereotyping I hear is stuff like "oh, I bet you're so in-tune with nature" or "can you tell me what my spirit animal is?" It's easy to just roll my eyes and mention how much I prefer computers to hand-crafted pottery; it's a hell of a lot better than being, say, murdered by cops who aren't even charged with a crime. Ironically, the most aggressive and painful racially-motivated experiences I've had were at the hands of my own people, or other local minorities. So I have a question for you: how often do you experience that kind of 'in house' self-policing from others in your own ethnic group? Do you find that other black people expect certain stereotypes of you, and/or treat you differently if you don't perform according to their standards of what it means to be 'one of us'? Does being gay affect your racial status in any way? For example, in my country, there is often a strong negative bias against homosexuality in popular black culture and media-- so do you ever feel ostracized from your own ethnic community due to your other features, like your sexuality?
I go to a predominantly white secondary school, and I don't really talk to the black people there anyway.
Do you ever feel alienated from your culture, or do you feel like ethnicity-based culture isn't 'yours' and it doesn't matter?
Black gay male culture? No, but I'm not really effeminate, so I'm not exactly like the black gay men depicted in the media, but I'll say things like " I got my life" or " Don't make me read that ass" or " Bitch, did you catch that shade?" So, no, I don't feel too alienated. Black culture? Definitely. I'm an atheist and gay. That's a no-no in today's black culture. I used to be heavily into rap music and grime (English rap music) and was really inspired by this one girl called Lady Sovereign.She came out as a Lesbian 5 years ago and has since faded into obscurity. Everytime I went onto a grime video, the comments there pertaining to gay people were extremely negative. I stopped listening to this genre simply because 90% of it's listeners did not respect me as a person, and it didn't seem like the artists did either. I've never really believed in God, and it was never really pushed onto me, but what confuses me is why black people cling to a religion that was used to keep them as slaves and stop them marrying the people they loved. I know that ultimately, it comes down to the people spreading hate, but there must be some sort of strained relationship between black people and Christianity. My Dad is the only black person who did not take my sexuality well. Keep in mind that my Dad is Nigerian, and that's not black culture per se. This, too, goes back to religion. People in England seem to be generally accepting of gay people, regardless of skin colour anyway.
I don't experience it very often. When people read my last name they sometimes try to speak bad Spanish. I don't know if that's microagression. I do know that it's annoying . I'm also scared to come out because Latin girls are oversexualized and so are gay/bi girls. I really hate being sexualized.
I think you're probably right, ZenMusic. It sounds like you've encountered quite a few people who hold stereotypical views. People usually have these views simply because of their lack of exposure to people of different cultures, races or sexualities. Unfortunately, sometimes you are the first point of contact and it falls upon you to break that stereotype. As you say, it is simple ignorance and lack of knowledge that makes people behave this way - often they have no idea that what they're saying is offensive. That doesn't make it fair that you should always be the one to educate them - it's draining. However, it's worthwhile to open people's eyes - it means they might treat the next minority they meet with a bit more understanding. On the plus side, when you get older, you can surround yourself with people who have more life experience. People who you can be yourself around without having to "explain" why you act (or don't act) a certain way.
