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Hates the word "Lesbian"?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Gakmstr, May 27, 2015.

  1. Gakmstr

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    Does anyone else have this problem? I guess my mind just automatically associates lesbian with sex (thanks media :dry:slight_smile:. I literally cringe when people call me a lesbian (although that might just be the gender identity crisis :rolle:slight_smile:.
     
  2. Pret Allez

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    Hey sweetie :3

    I'm not a lesbian, so I would urge you not to place any considerable weight on my opinion. Among gay women, there's plenty of disagreement to be had. Some people prefer to just think of themselves as gay, but many like and embrace the term lesbian.

    I am a bit unaware of lesbian as a sexualized word. It doesn't have that connotation for me. If anything, "gay" has a more sexualized connotation to me, because we more readily associate that word to male homosexuality. For the worse, we've associated maleness and masculinity with what is sexualized, or at least, sexually active, and that has caused society at large to think of straightness as based on love, stability, and "responsible child-rearing" than gayness, which is like, gay men fucking each other bareback in the bath-house or something.

    Even here, there are already problems. The notion of men being more sexual than women relies on social constructions that are problematic. On the one hand, men are "out of control" and "dangerous," which encourages dress codes (that affect women mostly) and other stifling prudishness and shame in men finding healthy ways to express and talk about desire. On the other, if men are "more" sexual, then women are "less" sexual. We know this not to be true, and we know the perception arises from the stigma that attaches to female sexuality and desire (see slut-shaming, a topic about which EC has never to my knowledge had a coherent conversation).

    All of this is to say that I think what counts as being sexualized--when, how and to what extent that's problematic--is less important than the question of what kinds of changes we have to make in the culture to make ethical exercise of sexual agency possible--without stigma, for everyone.

    I'm not sure where you are in your questioning and coming out processes. I can only offer my own experience. When I first came out, I hated Will and Grace, because I hated "stereotypical representations of gay men in the media." In time, I realized this was internalized homophobia presenting itself, not a genuine critique in the politics of representation. And by no means am I saying your misgivings about the word derive from internalized homophobia. Rather, I mean to suggest that it's possible, if you're at an early stage, your misgivings about the word may at one point be overtaken by your desire and will to be authentic. You'll be less concerned about "fighting stereotypes."

    ~ Adrienne
     
  3. Andrew99

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    I remember this one girl on yahoo she said "I'm a chick and gay. I don't like that word lesbian because it reminds me of a lizard for some reason."
     
  4. PeacefulWarrior

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    I have no problem with this word. I just don't like labels, because people tend to think about you as a member of a group and talk about you like 'every * is the same'.
     
  5. sporn

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    I hate it as well. It just sounds dirty and it reminds me of bad porn. The word gay reminds me of gay men. Gay men get taken more seriously and I want to get taken seriously as well. I want to be seen someone who has a different orientation, not someone who is here to put on a show for boys.
     
  6. essie

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    I did struggle when I put "lesbian" in my description and I would usually refer to myself as "gay". I'm trying very hard to get over this, though. I just hate the serotypes that come with the word and the fact that it almost has a negative connotation to these days. It sucks.

    ---------- Post added 28th May 2015 at 12:18 PM ----------

    Exactly!
     
  7. Miko

    Miko Guest

    I'm totally fine with it. I've kinda embraced it. It just sounds cooler than 'gay' to me. xD

    This is a prime example of most things in life being subjective and experience based, I think if you want to get rid of the association you've made between the word lesbian and sex then I'd suggest looking up lesbian couples being loving and caring to one another, reading books with realistic lesbian characters, watching shows with realistic lesbian characters etc etc. Just realistic portrayals of actual lesbians and your brain should start seeing lesbians as people and not as sex objects.

    It's not your fault at all though, the media can mess with a lot of people's perceptions and it doesn't help that the brain is so good at making, sometimes terrible, associations between words and descriptions. Regardless, there's no pressure to change your perception either, just do what makes you feel comfortable and make sure you don't prejudge anyone. ^^
     
  8. Sevan

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    It sort of depends for me. Lesbian is a term specifically for women who like women, and on top of that there's a lot of negativity attached to the word. It definitely has tie ins to pornographic material ("lesbian" porn as opposed to really anything else) and just sounds negative on most people's tongues.

    But when I think about the etymology of it, I can't help but be a little proud when someone identifies as lesbian. It's actually derived from Lesbos, the island in which Sappho lived. Sappho, an ancient greek poet who wrote about her affections for women. Basically, whenever someone calls you a lesbian, they are simultaneously admitting that homosexuality isn't a modern invention and has existed for a long time. (i.e. It's not just a phase, mom)

    That makes me feel a little better. If you don't like the term in reference to yourself, perhaps referring to yourself as gynesexual (self loves women) or saying you're sapphic (pertaining to lesbianism) might be easier on the tongue and without the negative connotations.
     
  9. TENNYSON

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    Honestly, I'm kind of jealous of it. You get this cool word referring to female sexuality exclusively, whereas gay guys have to just use the generic word "gay" which just means "homosexual" in general. But that's how it always is--the men have the "default" term. Maybe I could call myself a "Euboean", after another Greek island :wink:
     
  10. XenaxGabby

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    When I was younger I hated it because it reminded me of the word "Leprosy." Now I'm okay with it. Kind of sounds like French to me.
     
  11. CelloTheCat

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    I was reluctant to put it in my profile description thingy... I just dislike the word. Like you said, the word "lesbian" is easily associated with sex or bad porn. I think of it in the same kind of way, unfortunately. I don't hate being called a lesbian, nor do I mind girls who want to call themselves lesbians, whatever label you want I guess but I prefer not to call myself a lesbian.
     
  12. Yami

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    I like the English word, but the Swedish one is just... uck. It sounds like a disease.
     
  13. EnviroLady

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    I don't mind the word lesbian but then I've never had that label applied to me as I've tended to date men in the past as I find it harder to meet women that aren't straight.
     
  14. happydavid

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    I dress like a girl but hate being referred to as trans anything