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Hatred/Distrust of people (Social Anxiety)

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by ChloeKiss, May 29, 2015.

  1. ChloeKiss

    ChloeKiss Guest

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    Heya.. So i'm feeling a little down tonight. I need to know i'm not the only one who has felt this way about other people. I just don't trust people! They all seem fake. I have only met a few people who I didn't feel like shit after hanging out with. And there is only that rare person who makes me feel good about myself. The rest are nasty wastes of space who deserve nothing but my hate/disrespect. I try so hard to keep a level head but most of the time I want to kill people. I legit want to murder some people and get away with it.

    I am alone alot.. I have a good family but no true good friends. And I don't know how to fix it. Has anyone ever even met a true friend?! I have a couple of good friends but other then them i'm completely alone.. and they live elsewhere anyway! I live in a disgusting small town.. and by disgusting I mean full of backstabbing low life wankers. I have been made to feel like shit by people who do not know me.. I feel like everyone hates me. I have done nothing wrong to anyone ever. I get shit on anyway. I get respect from few people and when I do get it I feel ontop of the world.

    Noone honestly sets out to hurt me but there are a couple of people I have encountered even at a fucking shopping store who literally give off the rudest vibe to me. I hate them so much I want to put their heads through the checkout thing. Or brutally beat them up. I have SO MUCH to give to the world and I am so scared of pathetic wankers judging me that some days I don't even want to wake up. Some people don't deserve to be in my presence in my opinion. Seriously judging me for no good reason? I can sense it.

    Has anyone ever overcome Social Phobia?! Or has anyone met their good friend even when they were anxious?! I'm sick of this. I push people away all the time! And now EC knows all about my loneliness. I just want to be cared about you know?
     
    #1 ChloeKiss, May 29, 2015
    Last edited: May 29, 2015
  2. White Knight

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    I think "don't trust people" is very common behavior in today society. We no matter where or how we live exposed to cruelty, injustice or greed of other people.

    Wars, murders, homeless people/luxurious life style contrast and suffering nature/animals fuels our mistrust and dislike of humans.

    Being an outsider, a part of a minority fuels this negative feelings more for us LGBT people. It is good to mentally slap yourselves whenever you think everyone out there to get you or everyone will hate you.

    I am a natural loner and that kinda works in my favor but can understand hurt of your regular person with all that hatred... it makes you tired sometimes.
     
  3. Kaiser

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    You've got to let go of that negativity.


    Before you can even begin to rectify this problem, you have to do something with all of that energy. If you can't just let it go yet, you need to find an avenue to put it to, like working out, writing, drawing, even keeping a journal. Maybe do some house cleaning, spend time with your pets and love on them, talk to somebody (online or in person) and give them a reason to smile.

    I'll never be able to let go of all my anger. I've tried, it's too ingrained. However, instead of allowing it to dominate my life, I use it. It's my fuel source for practically everything I do, and over time, the more stuff I see happening and coming along, the better I can feel. It isn't going to be instantaneous, it may not even happen quickly, but it will.

    Baby steps. One day at a time, one deed at a time. Instead of focusing on every little negative aspect, put that into seeking the positive.

    I used to want to watch the world burn, because I hated it. Sometimes, I'll admit, I still want to do this. I've actually hurt people though, to the point they will never forgive me or have anything to do with my being. One kid, he'll never regain sight in his eye again, and I did that, punched him in the face over and over, just because I could.

    That type of lifestyle is not productive. It will leave you lonelier than you already are/feel. Nobody wants to be close to me, because they cannot fully trust me, and why should they? I lied to them many times, years ago, why should now be any different? I used to steal from and hurt them, years ago, why should now be any different? Despite them knowing and even complimenting the difference, they follow a strict 'if it happened once, it can happen again' philosophy. Avoid being labeled as that upset/angry/unbalanced individual, who makes others feel tense or negative, or you will be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

    Instead of trying to be a more helpful source, I was feeding the very problems I detested into the world. But because it wasn't happening to me anymore, instead happening to somebody else, I didn't care, because I was too strong/smart/great and thus could not fall for such things. In retrospect I realize, such thinking was totally asinine, but it's important to mention this for one reason:

    You can take control of your life. You just cannot expect things to immediately improve, because it took a long time to beat you into your current state. And as most have shown, we cling to negativity tighter than the positive, for a variety of reasons (of which I'm not going to go into here, as this is already long enough). To do that you have to embrace the good, in yourself and from others, and build upon that.

    The fact you were able to say any of this is the first step, in reclaiming yourself. Now, use that energy for something productive/loving, as opposed to turning it on yourself and ruining your perception of the world.

    I say this as somebody who suffers from naturally being pissed, and as someone who has a tremendously difficult time trusting, even liking the world. You don't want to walk that path very long, it leads to isolation and decays your soul. In other words, keep going the way you are, and you're going to become the very thing you hate.

    You can be cautious and positive. Finding that balance can be tricky, but it can be done. Just keep your wits about you. I won't be naive enough to tell you, put on a smile and believe and all will be right. No, the world doesn't work like that. But just because it doesn't, doesn't mean you have to follow it's rules. In your presence, you can be the person that others enjoy being around, who makes them feel loved, respected, non-judged, and comfortable.

    Basically, the biggest 'fuck you' that can be given to the world, is to not conform to it's ways. This is easier said than done, but I find defying expectations and breaking beliefs, incredibly empowering. They do a lot for my self-esteem, which is visible to others, which draws others to me. Perhaps this could work similarly for you?

    End of the day, hon, if you know you have so much to offer, why do you hide it behind your shadows? How will others see it?

    <3
     
  4. ChloeKiss

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    Thank you so much for your reply. I appreciate that you understand where I'm coming from.

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 01:19 AM ----------

    Thank you so much Kaiser! You have no idea how good and helpful your reply was to me! I understand that ''use your hate as fuel'' part you were talking about. If I really want to change I need to be willing to change. So I kind of decided I wanted to get back into my exercise and learn how to do pull-ups better. Maybe if I lead a healthy physical life my mental health will come into balance somewhere along the line. And turning negatives into positives helps too I guess.

    I'll be reading your reply again it was that good! Thank you! :kiss:
     
  5. Froot

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    Literally everything you posted is exactly how I feel... I'm an absolute train wreck when it comes to socializing. But I'm trying to overcome it, too. It's really difficult, especially since some people are incredibly rude/mean/annoying.
    I've had one friend stay by my side since I was 16. All the others kinda just disappeared or did something that caused me to cut ties with them. My mom has always said that people generally have a few true friends, and like a handful of acquaintances. Not everyone is going to be your friend or even "like" you (no matter how great of a person you are! a lot of people don't care for mature, well-rounded, nice people) ... Because, well, some people don't even bother to be polite in a damn grocery store for god's sake. :rolle:
    Basically you should naturally be choosy with people, otherwise you may end up with a bunch of losers who will piss you off later on and make it even more difficult to trust people and get back on the social scene.
    Just relax and work on YOU, and the right people will soon come along.

    Hope this helps a little. :icon_bigg
     
  6. ALiamToRemember

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    what works for me when I get voices in my head telling me things i don't want to hear, i block them out with loud music. Me, as Liam, can't deal with everyone calling me names and just giving me more reasons not to trust them. But I made another identity for myself: Liam Reckless. It sounds childish but it has helped me so much. I can go out and not be afraid of people judging me because I'm not really me at that point. It's a coping mechanism that I got off of Andy Biersack, lead singer of Black Veil Brides. (good band)

    I know how you feel about just generally not trusting people.It sucks total ass but I hope this helps :slight_smile:

    -reckless x
     
  7. ChloeKiss

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    I really appreciate the support guys! You have all made me feel a bit more hopeful! I'm glad to know i'm not alone on hating the world sometimes. :slight_smile:
     
  8. EnviroLady

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    Hi Chloe, I completely know how you feel. After I finished high school I started feeling this way and it regularly comes and goes for me. I think people are very obsessed with themselves and do not see when they are hurting you. I particularly hate that quote of friends not needing to be there often but are still good friends without hanging out much. I find it such a copout. I feel like friends should see each other often. Sorry I digress, I have never wanted to kill people but I have wanted to kill myself as I felt a lack of support even in a relationship despite the man being fantastic. It is a really difficult mindset and I am not sure of the best way to help you except to say just having a forum to be a part of like this is quite fantastic in the ability to have people that care about you and want to help you even if we don't physically know you or are able to give you a hug and take some of the pain away. I think other things that may be good are trying something like meetup.com to make some new friends, moving to a larger town or a city where you can start with new people rather than be around those who upset you and focus on living your life by doing things you love. Try to avoid those who make you upset and spend most of your time with your partner who I hope appreciates you. I hope you are feeling better soon and know you have friends on this site :slight_smile:
     
  9. Tai

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    I push people away, too, and I was confused why no one wanted to become my friend or get close with me. That's the reason why I probably have never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. When this was happening, I looked at myself and tried to imagine myself meeting a mirror of me. Then I realized that I was wary, untrusting, and suspicious when meeting new people. Then I imagined meeting someone like that, and knew I would have a hard time getting that kind of person to open up. I tried to be more friendly and open, and slowly people are more comfortable around me. It may just be that you're stuck in an unlucky town, I'm not saying anything is wrong with you. But you could try that.
     
  10. Zombi3

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    Don't worry you're not alone :slight_smile:

    You just have to push yourself to connect with people more. " The grass is greener on the other side "
     
  11. Michael

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    It.Fucking.Sucks.
    Lowlifes, that's the word... People dying of envy. People dying of insecurity. People dying of... Hold on, I think they were all fucking dead even before I started.

    Be glad that at least your anger is still there. Mine has been systematically beaten up by myself on a regular basis, which is the reason why I'm a deranged son of a bitch.
    What I could never get rid of is the sadness. No, not trying to make myself look like a byronic hero here, some kind of romantic and angst ridden abstraction... It makes me fucking sad and lonely sometimes. I've been feeling it since I was a kid, this 'my good, this world is full of depressing idiots'...

    When you are aware of how shallow they are... How can you get even interested? You feel as if you were the last man (or woman) on earth... Some days it's harder, specially if you are forced to be outside at all times. I know your job forces you to do that, and some fools that you meet there are even worse, 'cause they must be also drunk as fuck.

    And yet there is some places where you can find people who are not complete retards. It takes a long time and a lot of patience, but it's worth it.

    Get out of that town, Chloe, there seems to be nothing for you there, you are just wasting your youth and your energy by hating sonething you cannot change. Try another scene, a real one.

    ... And by the way, those fools are really 'fools'? If they live a limited existance, they don't need to think much. Try to use the word 'limited' instead of 'fool'... With the hope some day you'll be able to say 'different' without any anger.

    You tell me that day how you did it, 'cause I'm still at the 'limited' level.
    And some days at my job, I feel very tempted to call them fools on their damned faces.
     
  12. wannahavechange

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    Okie, my advice to you is to stop, drop, and roll. What's with all the negativity talk about killin' peeps and calling them shit heads? In all honesty I think it probably might be your problem instead of everyone else's, I'm not trying to sound offensive or anything but I've felt the same way in the past, this has led me to major isolation, being backer acted, and depression. The world is only as beautiful as you perceive it. Not everyone who you haven't met yet are nasty waste of spaces. you should probably try getting professional help if this is your mindset now, try talking with someone and try to make them understand. It gets better

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 12:44 PM ----------

    Oh and I don't think it's a social phobia you have, maybe it's more like you look down on others who you haven't met yet, try to not be so guarded and just live in the moment sometimes, welps have a good afternoon. :slight_smile:
     
  13. popcorn

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    I have social anxiety too. C.B.T. is supposed to help as well as exposure. Practicing socializing with shop assistants helps because their job is to help and will generally be nice enough to you.
     
  14. Lone Dragon

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    Can I fly over and give you a hug(*hug*)

    Social Phobia controlled my life for so many years. I can't even describe the feeling. It engulfs you into utter darkness. It all started when I lost a really good friend. Lost a comfort with someone. The Social fear aroused from my childhood, what had happened was my past with people, the ways people have treated me in the past and I was giving everyone in my path such hatred because that is what I was given. But in the end only I was tortured by my own past. All the harm I did was none, but to myself.

    There are so many fake people in this world. In today's world its not about hey "how may I help you" it is "how can you help me".
    With that said I do agree with wannahavechange that the world is only how beautiful as you make it and people only see what they want to see. The world isn't perfect and there are many bad seeds in the world. But you will be surprise with the amount of good seeds there are.(even if it looks impossible)

    I'm gonna pop this quote too.(sorry I like quotes):slight_smile:
    "Everything in life is temporary so if things are good enjoy it because it won't last forever and if things are going bad don't worry it can't last forever either."

    I will end with this. in the end you can make the change, it is your life and sometimes people forget that. Remember always who you are keep your head up, your worth it silly!(*hug*)
     
  15. Findmyway

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    I can definitely relate to the trust issues. I have no intent to murder anyone, but I do find it hard to open up. I wasn't always like this: as a kid I was a pretty fun-loving, yet naive girl. Then... highschool happened: guys I had little crushes on called me too ugly for them to date, girls who I thought of as friends gossiped about me, behind my back.

    But the worst thing, which really crushed my heart: after I'd finally found a true best friend, who I connected with, on almost every level(we even had the same name), some new girl came along and gradually forced us apart. She was horrible to me and was clearly only putting up with me, to steal my best friend. I was always kind to her, in hopes of getting her to return it, but no such thing happened.

    Granted, this was a long time ago and it was only recenly that my best friend apologized, as she'd finally seen through the mask, but it still really hurts, because I was basically dumped...

    So yeah, I'm sorry for ranting. My point was: I do have problems letting people in, because I'm very suspicious of their true intentions.
     
  16. ChloeKiss

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    Thank You for your support!

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:32 PM ----------

    I think it is that I live in an unlucky town.. But I also talk to the wrong fucking people. I see so many fake people. I am moving soon though so it's okay.

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:34 PM ----------

    Very True :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:35 PM ----------

    Your post was really insightful. Different but insightful! Thank you!

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:37 PM ----------

    It is social phobia.. I've been diagnosed already and I know what i've got based on my own feelings about the issue. But yes my trust issues tied with anger may make it look like I don't. It is actually the main source of my social anxiety though I think.

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:38 PM ----------

    Thanks.

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:39 PM ----------

    I do agree that the world is only as beautiful as I perceive it.. That is very true. I guess I am the one who can change everything.. Sitting around getting pissy about everything doesn't benefit me or others.. so.. yeah. Thanks. (*hug*)

    ---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 03:40 PM ----------


    That's fucking terrible! Did you forgive her?! What a bitch.
     
  17. TigerInATophat

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    I get where you're coming from.

    There are some genuinely good people in the world, as well as a fair few genuine arseholes. Sometimes it's obvious which is which and other times not, you might encounter people who are much like they seem, but there's also plenty that come across as nice but aren't, as well as those who maybe you just happen to have caught them on a bad day; people often have their own shit going on after all. You can never absolutely know someone's motivations, some are well-meaning or thoughtless or misguided idiots going along with things they don't have the will or the braincells to bother questioning. Or maybe they have their own little triggers that you can inadvertently set off. The difficulty comes with learning how to accurately 'filter' them, without letting your own feelings cloud that judgment. Whilst automatically trusting everyone is a bad idea being distrustful doesn't work out well in the long run either. In fact it definitely won't, because focusing too much on every way in which people have wronged you will just make you feel like shit and wear you down eventually, and those in the world who really do enjoy dragging others down for whatever reason will not lose any sleep knowing they've successfully pissed you off.

    I realise I'm a bit of a hypocrite for saying it of course, because truth be told I do have a tendency (if I'm not careful) to fall into dwelling on the ways in which others have slighted me and get annoyed. I'm MUCH better nowadays when it comes to those who do so inadvertently, but with anyone who does so intentionally or with malice I find it much harder. However I dislike the idea of them obtaining some ongoing sway over my life even more, so that usually keeps it in check in the long run. I don't want my opinion of all influenced by the actions of the few, because that's how you end up misjudging people.

    There are good people out there, you just have to find and successfully spot them.
     
    #17 TigerInATophat, May 29, 2015
    Last edited: May 29, 2015
  18. ChloeKiss

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    Good post tiger! Thank you so much for your reply! I was so happy when I saw that you replied to me. What I'm curious to know is how the fuck you had the energy to type all of that! It is like 3 am in the uk right?! Thanks again :kiss:
     
  19. TigerInATophat

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    It took a while, I'm very sleepy lol. Glad it made you happy :slight_smile:
     
  20. Findmyway

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    Yeah, I forgave her, because she is my best friend and still means a lot to me, since we have so much in common. I also couldn't really blame her fully, because the bitch in question was very clever in her ways to manipulate.

    But sometimes, she acted very childish: like she'd refuse to sit next to me during lunchbreak, refused to work on projects with me or she'd try to send me away to talk to my friend in private. She even told a teacher I'd plagiarized on an assignment. She was also annoyingly full of herself and snobbish. I eventually grew tired of all that and took my distance from them. My friend didn't try to make amends, though, so I made my conclusions.

    But recently she(my BF) claimed that she was kind of brainwashed and she was at a time in her life, where she was really insecure about her social life, but she saw the true nature of her new " best friend", when she started getting more and more rude towards her. She also told me how I was way more fun to be around, so we made up and it honestly felt good, because I felt awful about that for a very long time.

    Sorry for raving on and on. I realize you might not be interested in my life-story.:slight_smile: I just wanted to say I have a lot of social fears, because of that one incident.
     
    #20 Findmyway, May 30, 2015
    Last edited: May 30, 2015