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am i the crazy one here or.....

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by europeanguy, May 31, 2015.

  1. europeanguy

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    okay so heres a situation for you, lets say for a moment you are straight. now somebody close to you for example your best friend comes out to you as gay. do you assume it is a secret that they arnt open about as nobody but you knows? or do you assume now that they are just telling you they are open about it so you should tell anyone you like?




    this is based on a real life situation where i told my best friend i was gay and IMMEDIATLY when he got home told his parents that i came out to him. i was so offended and hurt and still am for the most part. i made this clear to him that i trusted him and how could he do that to me? and apparently its my fault as i should have said i didnt want him too directly even though it was completly obvious as i said nobody else new and i didnt want my parents and such to know. am i the crazy one here? is it really my fault?
     
    #1 europeanguy, May 31, 2015
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  2. Ashley2103

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    I would keep it a secret unless they say they are open about it.
     
  3. europeanguy

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    exactly! like a normal person!
     
  4. TeddyV

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    [​IMG]
     
  5. Lyana

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    I'm sorry that happened to you, european guy, and I hope it doesn't cause too much damage.

    I've had people "out" others (who were still closeted to the majority) to me, and it always made me uncomfortable. I feel like lots of straight&cis people don't even realize what they're doing when they do it. I mean, obviously I'm not going to do anything with the information, but if I were in the outed person's place and found out they'd told someone else, well, I wouldn't have appreciated it. Not to mention that it can be downright dangerous at times.
    So no, of course I wouldn't tell. I wouldn't even tell anyone if the person was completely out and comfortable. It's just not my habit to discuss people's orientation and go, "He told me he was gay!"
     
  6. acciocarrie

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    I feel you. I came out to my mom and after like... 1 or 2 years she just told the family without my permission because it was 'so difficult for her to keep it a secret' and because she felt like 'I would never tell them anyway' like ??? I was seriously pissed off.

    But yeah... I'd keep it a secret. And like Lyana, I wouldn't really randomly tell people that someone came out to me...
     
  7. Michael

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    Yes, it was your fault. Learn from this mistake an move on.

    Actually now you might be out to everybody... Exciting news travel fast.

    Good luck.

    Oh, and for the record : You tell me something, it will go to the grave with me, but I've been always damn aware I belong to the few exceptions that make the rule.
     
    #7 Michael, May 31, 2015
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  8. Batman

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    Despite it being the presumed reaction, I think it's still wise to ask whoever you're coming out to not to tell other people. Some folks need secrets spelled out for them.

    Also, not that it's any of my business, but I don't think you should be as hard on your friend. They only told their parents, and it definitely didn't seem to have any malicious intent.
     
    #8 Batman, May 31, 2015
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  9. HugasaurusRex

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    If I was gay or straight. If anyone came out to me I would not tell a soul. It is not my place to. The only way I would is if they felt they were unable to and they asked me to. And even then I would be reluctant to want to, as that is their chance to be counted as who they are.
     
  10. europeanguy

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    luckily the only damage it caused was that his parents wont look me in the eye or have a conversation with me for more then 5 seconds and always try to leave the room. like when i went over we would have dinner and his parents would have it with us. they dont do this anymore which you'ed think would be a coincidence but no it stopped right after they knew. they also arnt a huge fan of me talking to his little sister Merin (who is about 2 years old) she is so friendly and adorable but now they instead of letting her show me all her toys while im trying to eat, they distract her and she has her dinner else where. personally i dont know whether im offended or like "whatever" about the situation as they dont mind gay people apparently but they just dont want to have anything to do with them. doesnt effect me at all really its just...on principle
     
  11. Austin

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    We're all mad here.
     
  12. guitar

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    Did you tell him to keep it a secret? I don't recall reading that you did in your post. When I've come out to people, certain people I've asked them to keep it a secret, if only for a little while.

    And no, it wasn't cool what he did. But if you explicitly asked him to tell no one & he still did it, then it was really wrong. If he did it without you asking to keep it a secret, it may just be an innocent mistake.
     
  13. Taly

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    Oh wow, this reminded me of when I came out to some of my friends.

    I specifically TOLD her to NOT tell anyone else, a few days later - one of my whole friend groups at school knows about it.

    It's a miracle that they don't judge me, though. They act pretty nonchalant. But still, it really does aggravate me when people don't know how to keep their mouths SHUT.

    But yeah, I wouldn't tell anyone if they came out to me, despite my orientation. This is just one of those things people shouldn't just blab about to anyone.
     
  14. TheStormInside

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    Well, I have had a friend come out to me, and I told no one for years. At one point, a long time after she told me, it did slip out to someone I had assumed knew about it already, but at this point that friend had moved far away, and I also was under the impression was out to pretty much everyone. So, a pretty different scenario. When she came out to me, though, she made it clear at that time who knew and who didn't, so I understood she preferred I keep it to myself, and I did.

    When I've come out to people I've also tried to make it clear that family members still don't know, and request they keep it to themselves for now. But even if you had not done this with your friend it seems like the subject is a personal enough one your friend should have known not to just go and out you to his parents. There are things that have been shared with me that didn't come with a "don't tell anyone" disclaimer, but from the subject matter you can generally assume it's personal and private. If I were in your position I'd have a talk with that friend to make sure he doesn't share this with anyone else.
     
  15. Kodo

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    Stole. My. Post.