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It's lonely being masculine

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by timeswasting, May 31, 2015.

  1. timeswasting

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    I am a lonely, masculine gay male who is only attracted to masculine guys. It sure is lonely.
    :frowning2:

    ---------- Post added 31st May 2015 at 06:37 AM ----------

    Not to mention I'm not at all into the hookup scene, app scene, online dating scene. It all just leads to hookups no matter which route you take.

    God help me.
     
  2. cold42

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    I fell the same way, exct I'm ok with feminine guys.
     
  3. armydude

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    Couldn't have said it better myself. It's hard enough to meet another masculine gay dude, let alone one who actually wants something more than sex. Sometimes I think that the type of dude I'm attracted to, and that I am, is so rare that I'll probably never meet one. Basically I feel like a straight dude in every way besides sexual attraction, except i happened to be born with this fucking disease... so looks like its gonna continue to be a shitty life and i need to accept that.
     
  4. OGS

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    These threads come up with quite a bit of frequency--so I guess at the least that means you are not alone. I never quite understand them though, and I guess it comes down to what exactly one means by "masculine". The reason I ask is that I've been out and about for over 20 years and in all honesty the majority of gay men I have known--and I've probably known thousands at this point--are about as masculine as straight men for the most part. There are certainly all stripes but this notion that there aren't any "masculine" gay guys out there absolutely doesn't ring even close to true for me--I couldn't swing a dead cat in my neighborhood without hitting one. So this makes me think there must be something going on with the way people are using the term that I'm not understanding. So I guess my question would be what qualifies one as masculine? What disqualifies one?
     
  5. Manitoban

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    I'm in for some boat I'm not interested in the clubs and apps because people there seem to be looking for something else. But I'm sure I'll run into someone eventually.
     
  6. TENNYSON

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  7. AKTodd

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    I'm with OGS on this. Masculine gay guys are all over the place in my experience.

    How exactly are you defining 'masculine' in this context?

    Todd
     
  8. Gandee

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    This really sums up all my feels *shed a single manly tear*
    But yeah, what I'm missing here? These kind of threads does come often.
     
  9. essie

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    As a feminine lesbian attracted to feminine women, I understand your struggles, my friend. Stay strong!
     
  10. mangotree

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    I wouldn't say I'm lonely, but I think I understand your struggle.

    It sometimes feels like the more flamboyant gay guys have a bit of an advantage for finding someone in the real world. I think it's because there's little-to-no fear in the mind of the guy who asks them out i.e. they're pretty sure they're not going to get bashed up for asking out a straight guy.

    Just a a small something I've picked up recently.
    The more open/transparent/honest you become in talking about yourself with others - the easier it will get to meet guys in the real world.
     
  11. LostLion

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    I'm the same way. Bisexual, masculine guy...who likes masculine men and feminine women.
     
  12. HunGuy

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    Can I join the club? :confused:

    I think it partly depends on where you are. Here in bumfuck nowhere the only gay guys I've ever seen are flamers or just simply feminine. I think most of the masculine gays are hiding in the closet, which I totally understand.
     
    #12 HunGuy, Jun 1, 2015
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 1, 2015
  13. Gay Greenie HG

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    I feel exactly the same. It makes it harder to come out knowing that in my area I'd be the only gay guy who doesn't constantly act camp. Also I won't get into a relationship yet anyway because there's no one I like, what's the point?
    We masculine gay guys need to all come out of the closet so we can be happy and so that others will feel that they can come out too since there are masculine gay guys out there for them.
    Sounds kind of hypocritical, I know, because my closet is still boarded up and firmly shut but I'm mainly trying to persuade myself here
     
  14. Decandyman

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    Hmmm, i dont know if it is possible to consider yourself truly masculine or feminine. I think most people have traits from either sides. You can have the upfront of being a strong and beer drinking man but then again you can also be quite gentle and sensitive.

    I understand your pain with the hookup scene, it can be quite frustrating and can come across as distancing oneself from physical interaction.

    Anyway, have you tried searching for any gay clubs, they may have clubs for 'manly' pursuits?
     
  15. Accedo

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    Firstly, I agree that masculine/feminine characteristics are linked to social conventions. Still, it is an easy way to describe one's preferences.

    Secondly, I'm also a masculine guy and I like masculine men. The feminine ones are not my thing and turn me off.

    The more feminine guys seem to be greater because they give more hints that they are gay as opposed to us. I'm not sure that there are more gay feminine guys than masculine ones but it is possible.
     
  16. sartorious

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    Arfff

    i feel your pain
    i'm also only attracted to masculine guy so far... Probably because if a men is way overtly feminine its not my type.

    Masculine guys are either deep in the closet or out but blend well with society that makes them some sort of hard to find. Fem guys on the other hands are easily identifiable through their "self expression" (styles, clothes, speaking style, behaviors, etc)
     
  17. timeswasting

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    By masculine I mean completely straight looking and acting. Not by choice, it's not in my control. It's just the way I am and it's also the only thing I'm attracted to. I feel like I fit the exact straight guy stereotype with the exception of my sexuality. I feel like I wasn't meant to be gay, every single gay guy in my city seems to be very feminine and I have absolutely zero attraction to that. Any guy I have ever been attracted to has been straight. I'm getting really tired of just seeing good looking guys who are either in the closet or straight and not being able to do anything about it. I get so jealous of girls and I can't seem to get over it. I come home and cry sometimes because of how much it hurts me.

    I google online, how to meet other guys like me and there is nothing. Nobody on the dating sites and if there are, they're all about sex and post photos of their chests or dicks as their profile picture. I am not interested in this. I am not interested int he lifestyle that seems to go along with being gay. I am not interested in being gay. I am lonely because I am gay. If I were straight I believe I would be married and having kids. I feel like whats the use. My city is so small, it's impossible to meet anyone. I feel like I won't ever meet anybody. I haven't yet and I am 28. So many years wasted being alone and dreaming of what could have been if only I wasn't born gay. I am fortunate enough to be out and to have all my friends and family by my side.... but the loneliness is just too much. What a waste of a life.
     
  18. mangotree

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    If finding a partner is the highest of your priorities, maybe it's time that you moved to a different and/or larger and/or gayer city?

    Find the serenity to accept the things you cannot change, the courage to change the things you can, and the wisdom the know the difference.
     
  19. DragKing692

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    I'm neither butch nor femme, but I can definitely see that you might get lonely. But don worry, he'll come someday.
     
  20. MORTAL

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    Wow, story of my life. I too am mainly attracted to masculine men but have meet some great feminine guys. If you keeping thinking with a pessimistic mentality, then you're only digging yourself a hole you'll find harder to get out of. Maybe it's difficult to find reasons to feel positive given your loneliness, but think about finding someone you truly like and how you'd feel not being lonely no longer.