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How to tell if a girl is lesbian without asking her?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by sapphiregirl, Jun 2, 2015.

  1. sapphiregirl

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    So I'm a newbie... and I'm clueless in this area. I apologize if I offend anyone, as I know people don't often mould to typical stereotypes. I'd just like to know if there are some general signs I can look for in other girls that might suggest they're lesbian or bi.

    There's a girl at my work who I think is really cute. I have a feeling she might be gay but I can't ask her because we barely know each other. The way she walks really got me - it's this masculine, low, swaying walk with her shoulders hunched. She wears skate shoes, where most of us wear ballet flats. Her hair's always messy/not much effort made and she has a long side fringe. I looked at her Instagram which was set to public, and in all her pics she's wearing flannels, t-shirts or denim collared shirts etc. I know that probably doesn't mean much, but could she be?

    Is there any other way to tell without directly asking? Again, I'm sorry to talk about stereotypes. Just want to know how to pick up on the signs :eusa_doh:
     
    #1 sapphiregirl, Jun 2, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2015
  2. Sienrar

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    If she has a girlfriend.
     
  3. Fallingdown7

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    Honestly, I don't think there is a way to know without asking.

    Lesbians can be hyperfeminine, pass as straight, and get hit on by guys. Straight women can be masculine, cut their hair short and act like one of the guys (My mom's friend is like the girl you described and she has a husband).

    Some people say eye contact and flirting works, but honestly that's not always helpful either. There are lots of straight women who are super friendly and flirt with everyone, even if they're not interested in you. There are also lesbians who are super shy and sexually conservative to the point they would feel offended being hit on by someone they don't know as well.

    All it comes down to is that people are individuals and assuming never helps. The best way is to hint until they come out to you.
     
  4. lovecraft

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    I'd start with some subtle flirting, but like fallingdown7 said, there's no tell tale sign of a lesbian. Make friends with her and if she is gay, she could become comfortable enough to tell you.
     
  5. floridagal1

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    That all sounds right to me. She will
    tell you if she is interested in you or not:slight_smile:
     
  6. || Kheya ||

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    How would you understand if a person is friendly to you or not without trying to talk to him/her? Talk to the girl. Ask her point of view on LGBTQ+ people. Try to understand her reaction. Be as much friendly & open to the subject as possible. Then it won't be as hard to talk about as you are thinking now.
     
  7. Christiaan

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    I understand, from one know-it-all gay guy, that every lesbian ever born has an innate craving to drive a Subaru. They are born with the tendency, ingrained deep in their genes. It doesn't take much intuition to realize that this is horse-poop, but the thing is, it's a really good kind of joke on how silly it is try to look for simplistic identifying markers, which really aren't all that informative. The only thing that you can really do, with these things, is catch some people self-stereotyping.

    The only way that you can really develop any kind of a "gaydar" is to get out in the world, and meet people. Learn how to read people. Learn to understand them. Talk to them. Hear what they have to say. If you get to know enough people with a certain amount of depth, then you can eventually learn to anticipate ones that you are not really all that acquainted with. Essentially, developing "gaydar" is really just a consequence of developing very good social skills, and that takes a lot of time.
     
  8. Kaiser

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    To copy and paste something I said ages ago, but is still relevant:

     
  9. starlights

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    It's true, we all drive Subarus. If you go to a gathering of lesbians the entire parking lot will be filled with Subaru Outbacks, and all of us will be playing ultimate frisbee!

    j/k

    There's always The Shane Test, but you need Shane for that. :grin:
     
  10. VHS Tape

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    Let me just say eye contact can be such a lie. Straight girls either think you want to fight them (which given the context that most people have grown up in makes sense; pit girl against girl in the war to win hot men), or they are the really sweet type that make eye contact and smile (I'm one of those people with one of those baby faces where making eyes contact and smiling is just something people are inclined to do with me), or they're total flirts, and there is no way to tell.

    But real talk, the best way to go about it is to make friends. Work out her feelings towards gay people. Keep in mind that if someone is really strict about staying in the closet being lesbian or bi won't matter; when you're scared to come out you'll say anything, even if it means hardcore hating on gay people. Which means you might have to take your time and develop a strong friendship with her first, and maybe even come out to her first.

    I took a huge risk this semester and straight out asked a girl I was interested in if she was straight. Literally went right up to her and went, "Are you straight?" She looked so confused, but was also a super sweet human being and took everything in stride. Not everyone will react like that, so if there's one thing you shouldn't do, it's what I did. Do not just ask. You could always get lucky like I did and meet a nice person who is willing to tell your their sexuality. Or you could totally offend someone and cause unnecessary conflict. That was something in hindsight that I could have gone about better, but I had reached a limit that day and went in blindly.
     
    #10 VHS Tape, Jun 2, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2015
  11. Libra Neko

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    I wouldn't use the Shane test (a reference to The L Word, right?) I don't find her attractive because she comes across as a stone butch to me. Not my type.
    Anyway, I usually can tell the difference between friendliness from straight girls and flirting from gay/bi girls. There is a difference in intent, obviously. I'm not sure what advice to give, I don't feel I need stronger gaydar.
     
  12. XenaxGabby

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    The Shane Test doesn't always work. It didn't on Lara, remember. But good thinking:slight_smile:


    Short fingernails might be an indication. Or you could bring up Ellen and Portia, or mention a lesbian-themed show like OITNB and see how she reacts.
     
  13. Miko

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    Sorry, I just have to post this:

    [YOUTUBE]wPNqaOwj7ko[/YOUTUBE]
     
  14. JessRae

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    wink at her if she smiles and wink back then your question has been answered. :slight_smile:
     
  15. sapphiregirl

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    ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2015 at 09:23 PM ----------

    [/COLOR]
    Haha I've seen that. It's actually pretty good!

    ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2015 at 09:24 PM ----------

    Lol I don't know if I'd be brave enough to wink at her at work. I talk to her sometimes, but we don't get to much because we work at opposite ends of the stores. I usually smile at her if we do talk, and I've noticed she smiles back at me with eye contact, and giggles even when what I've said isn't funny

    ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2015 at 09:25 PM ----------


    Yeah that's a good idea, thank you :slight_smile:

    ---------- Post added 3rd Jun 2015 at 09:32 PM ----------


    Thank you for your response - very helpful. I agree; eye contact can be so misleading. For all I know she could be as straight as heck! The hard thing is she's actually one of the supervisors there. So, I shouldn't even be crushing on her when there's no way anything will happen :confused: We don't get to talk much because we work in different areas of the store, but I try making small talk sometimes. I have this strong feeling she's gay but I could be wrong. All I do know is that she has quite a few lesbian friends. It's none of my business anyway... ugh, why do I have to like her.
     
    #15 sapphiregirl, Jun 3, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 3, 2015
  16. starlights

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    She is but she isn't. She's not my type at all, and I didn't like her when I saw the promotional stuff before I watched the show, but I loved her once I started watching. Not in terms of sexual attraction, just that she seems like an awesome person and someone who would be fun to hang out with.


    Now Lara IS my type :grin: So gorgeous!

    Good idea about mentioning stuff like OITNB. That could be a good barometer for how she feels. And hey,only 9 more days till season 3! If she likes the show maybe that's an excuse to hang out..."Wanna binge watch with me?" :thumbsup:
     
  17. XenaxGabby

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    ^ That's an awesome line! Yes Lara was so underrated. She was beautiful AND could cook and bake:slight_smile: Dream girl.
     
  18. starlights

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    And a redhead!
     
  19. CyanChachki

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    Ask, "What are your thoughts on the LGBTQ+ movement?"
     
  20. BelleFromHell

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    You can't, unless you see her being intimate with another girl, and even then she could just be a straight girl experimenting. We're pretty damn invisible.