I need a bit of advice. See I'm a loner, and because of this and various psychological disturbances I have no friends. As a result I deleted all social media and became a self-isolate. That was 3 years ago... I was thinking maybe I should try to acquire a social life but I don't know how??? I don't understand people, or how to make friends in a way that I'm not sacrificing my personality to be more typical for them. Heck, I don't even think anyone could put up with "real me." So I'm stuck having no one, rather liking it but also not liking it at the same time. Forums help a little, but I obsess and end up spending hours online while I stagnate in dark my room all day. I need a life. And sometimes I actually need people. What do I do?
Hey. I suffer from a social disorder. Believe me, it can be cured. You don't have to stop being yourself. Just don't care about what others think or say. In the end, you will find people like you. I do have friends, I met them through school or the internet but this past 2 weeks I have discovered how easy is to start a conversation and a friendship. My advice: Go to the park, talk to people, go to bars, to libraries... As hard as it may seem, it's truly rewarding. Believe me. I used to be the shyest kid, now, I talk to strangers in the street
First, learn to like people. Like them for all of their flaws and the stupid parts of their personalities. Learn to even like people who have ignorant beliefs about gay people. This doesn't mean denying that these things are problems, in their dispositions, but what you are doing is realizing that they still deserve, even with those things, to be loved. Oddly, this makes you safer from being hurt because it helps you to remember that, just because you like someone, that doesn't mean that you can ALWAYS trust that person, in all situations. You learn that some of your friends might try to steal your boyfriend if you have one, but you could always trust them in other ways. One person you know might be a totally shady scoundrel, but you know he always knows the good places in town to hang out or knows how to solve plumbing problems. If you learn to love people, you learn to understand WHY they have the problems with them that they do, and you can really predict them a lot better. Learning to love ALL of a person really makes you MORE in tune with how to protect yourself. Now, as far as being social, hint: get other people to talk. People like to talk. They LOVE to talk. People, if they think you are listening, can turn into the world's biggest freaking know-it-alls, with only the slightest encouragement if you know the tickle-spots to get them talk. If you can just learn to nod and grunt at the right times, a person can chatter for hours, and that person can come away from the conversation actually believing that you said something very sophisticated and intelligent. It's really amazing how much good it does a person's heart to just listen to that person. It makes them feel appreciated and loved. Also, learn the secret to agreeableness. Being agreeable doesn't mean agreeing with everybody, but it means learning to let other people have their beliefs and opinions. It is their right. You do not have a right to change them. If they are going to change, then they will change on their own terms. If you learn this belief and instill it deep in your being, then everyone, no matter how divergent their opinions are, will always see you as an agreeable kind of guy, even if you are clear on your own views. It's not specific things you say, but it's just having the belief that others really DO have a right to their beliefs and a right to figure things out on their own terms and follow their own paths. You're really more likely to change people this way. And read A Picture of Dorian Grey, by Oscar Wilde. Damn fine book with a lot of wisdom in it. If you actually sit down and read any of Wilde's material, he really had such an incredibly deep understanding of people. You could learn a lot from this guy. He comes across as a little playfully cynical, but if you really get to know him, he's really just laughing lovingly at how wonderfully messed-up people are. He doesn't hate them for this. He loves them for it, and that can rub off on you. Even Winston Churchill liked Wilde. Hope this helps.
Attitude would solve about 40% of your problem here. Not to be a dick, but letting you honestly know. Also, could you define 'various psychological disturbances'? That'd give a clearer idea on what we're working with here.
Yes, thank you. Sometimes I need a cold splash of honesty. Sorry if I came across as a whiner... *self face-falm* So various psychological disturbances is my way of saying I have issues. For certain, I know I'm depressed and have been off an on for several years. Secondly, I am very self-loathing and have a terrible self esteem. Also Gender dysphoria. And last, I may have a mild form of Asperger's Syndrome. Or Schizoid Personality Disorder. Though I moreover suspect the former. BUT I do realize that it is not wise to pathologize myself, or my mind or personality. And often I question how much of all of these things are natural and how much is attributed to some vague "condition." This is a thought for another time... Suffice to say I put "psychological disturbances" as a catch-all term for everything wrong with my mind that is either the result of a real neuropsychological condition or nothing at all. Something is wrong/different but I don't know what it's called. I just know that something is. And thank you guys for the responses and your patience with me. I can be an arse.
Being social is a no for me. I try to involve myself in social activities but it simply pisses me off.
Rhys, I can sympathize with you, though over time I have managed to build some good friendships, it's come with a lot of work and a lot of effort. Are you in school? Do you have a job? Both of those places are excellent ways to meet people, because you see them by default and you already have something in common (work, class, and so on). If not, it'll be more difficult, but not impossible. For one thing, I would suggest getting back on social media. From what you've said you're more comfortable socializing online than in person. That's sort of how I grew closer to some of my current friends, too. When I first met them I was extremely shy and anxious, but I was able to express myself better to them (just in casual chit chat even) online and I think that helped. Now I feel more comfortable with them in person, too.
