Hi, so I have finally come to terms with the fact, that I'm seemingly way more attracted to women, as a girl. I guess I was in denial for a pretty long time, but recent happenings, as well as deep reflection on past events, have truly made me realize that it is what it is... I'm not straight. Now, here's the trouble: in the past, when a guy( usually on the internet, because I'm very shy.) complimented me on my looks, I felt really giddy and flattered and happy. I have a very low opinion of myself, so compliments do wonders. Now, this was at a time, where I hadn't fallen hard for a girl and was far from uncovering the true me. Yet, since I've recently came out to a few close people and found this forum, I started chatting with a girl on here( just in a nice, friendly way, since we have some things in common.) I had one picture up of myself and she called me gorgeous and stuff, (with a wink-smiley.) and I just felt... weird and anxious. Mainly because I know she's into girls too. Is that a common thing? I'm also at this place, where I think I'd be very uncomfortable going to LGBT bars or meetings, where people are very out... Like my older brother is really cool about it and he's like: I can fix you up with a girl... but I don't want that! I just like admiring girls from afar, in more of a romantic sense, but I can't see myself with one. Sex or even kissing freak me out! Is that a kind of homophobia on my part? Please help me out here! I've never been in a relationship and I long to find someone who'll love me for me, but I just can't get over the two girls-part.:icon_sad: (PS: Feel free to move my thread, but I just thought I'd get more of a response in this section.)
If you're not comfortable with a female calling you cute or flirting with you or woman-on-woman kissing or anything then you might not exactly be into women... It does not make you homophobic. I thought I was into women. I tried it. And kissing freaked me the hell out. I couldn't do anything with women. The most I could do was cuddle. I mean, I think women are attractive but I would never date or have sex with one.
I feel the same way sometimes. If another guy calls me "cute" I get pissed and immediately turned off at him being "too gay". If he words it differently maybe not so much. I don't know really... it might be that "cute" and similar phrasings seem to pose a threat to my masculinity, or perhaps this reaction is all just a manifestation of self-hatred for being gay. Either way, I think what you're referring to is a natural feeling when realizing your sexuality because I can certainly relate to it as well.
I think I understand what you're saying, and I think it's normal in a way...we're brought up in a society/culture in which we're bombarded with images of straight couples, we're expected to have straight relationships and flirt with people of the opposite sex, and until recently 99% of the relationships on TV and in movies were straight ones. Heteronormative is the word. So yeah, I think everyone has that "WTF?" moment of weirdness when we're finally doing the opposite of what we've always seen. For me it was flirting over texts and having that weird moment like, "Am I really typing this stuff to another girl right now?" lol. It's just that we're conditioned the opposite way in our culture.
I'm the opposite. I get kind of angry and suspicious when straight/bi guys compliment my looks. Especially if they call me sexy. If straight women compliment my looks I get kind of flattered. Not many gay/bi girls compliment me, so I don't have much experience with that.
A lot of guys get mad when called "cute". That's a bit of a...feminine word. But if a guy were to call you "hot" or "sexy" or something less...girly, so to speak, would you feel the same. Like if you were flirting with a guy and he was just "you're hot."
You're exactly right. I don't think grown men in general like to be called cute. If it was another word it wouldnt bother me. Maybe I kind of hijacked the conversation here and sent is off on a tangent lol
Hey I think for me it just sounds as though you have come to terms with liking girls but you are a bit scared and anxious at the thought of it becoming reality and you actually being with a girl and that is ok. You have for so long though of yourself as straight and become used to compliments from guys that compliments from girls seem strange and new. You don't have to rush in and go to LGBT bars and things just take it at your own pace. How do you feel if you fantasize about being with a girl?
I posted before stating that you're likely just dealing with coming to be fully comfortable with your true sexuality. I deleted it, however, when I saw this part: It's the one part that gives me qualms about your situation. Why so? Yet you do find women sexually attractive? The reason I inquire is that the phrase "but I can't see myself with 'X sex/gender'" is one I see very often in gay people talking about the opposite sex. So it made me raise an eyebrow. I disagree entirely despite my reticence with Findmyway's case. There are innumerable people that are not comfortable with being called cute or being flirted with simply because they are very socially anxious about it. An individual's discomfort with it does not necessarily correlate at all with their sexuality.
feel special and good about yourself. no girls ever compliment my looks anymore,,, unless EWWWWW is a compliment, I mean, there are a bunch of new uses for words that just don't sound right..like when someone tells me my truck is sick,, Im thinking something is wrong with it.
It's the one part that gives me qualms about your situation. Why so? Yet you do find women sexually attractive? The reason I inquire is that the phrase "but I can't see myself with 'X sex/gender'" is one I see very often in gay people talking about the opposite sex. So it made me raise an eyebrow. WARNING: this rant could take up a great deal of your time, which you could spend more usefully. Okay, so maybe I expressed myself somewhat vague: I find women attractive, but to me a select few are almost like this unatainable object of desire. I'm a very romantic person and don't have much interest in sex. When I get urges to let the hand drift lower, I immediately stop and tell myself it's innapropriate. One of the main reasons I believe I'm gay, is because I'm slightly put off by reading about oral sex performed on guys. Penetration's fine, but otherwise a penis has no appeal. I've only been in love once: in my late teens, with a teacher and great confidant and I'd fantasize about her, but I'd be this super-hot male version of myself and anything sexual would be really vague: it'd be more about the love-making and tenderness. Yet, when I DID slip up and it was a bit dirtier( I was 17 and hormone-riddled, after all.): I'd get the biggest feeling of guilt in my gut and then I found it hard to look her in the eye, the next day. Then, in the years since she's disappeared from my life, I guess I tried to find a replacement and experienced the odd attraction to this female celebrity, who had something similar facial feature-wise. I've had like 3 deeper "crushes" on famous women and I can't see myself with them, because I'm very unattractive and awkward. However, I do imagine them with people I ship them with, on a show (either male or female.) I then tend to obsess and get irrationally upset, if I find out they're married with kids, or straight when they're playing gay on tv. I feel cheated somehow and I know that's very stupid and immature and it's just acting to them, but I can't help it! Like I recently crushed on a bi celeb and I was just so elated to finally have found an attractive person, that is at least not totally straight. So, I'd define myself as more lenient towards girl, but I hate labels. The weirdest thing, which still makes me hesitant to choose a side is: when I was in my early teens and pictured myself with my guy best friend, who I had a crush on, all through elementary, I didn't mind just being me, even in a sexual situation. Hope anyone can make sense out of this, because I'm getting confused again...:icon_sad:
Oh!! Okay. I misunderstood what you said earlier. It still doesn't make you homophobic. I think the big misconception is people today think relationships automatically mean sex. . Being romantic and not into sex is perfectly fine. But, just to make sure, you could see yourself cuddling with women? Being in a romantic, nonsexual relationship with one?
Well... not really, I think that might be due to low self-esteem, though: I don't think anybody could ever be attracted to me and this whole accepting myself for me thing, is really still quite hard to me... Even without the issue of my sexuality, I'd still think lowly of myself. It is for that reason exactly, that i have a great fear of dying alone and never becoming happy, because I can't really embrace myself, especially since discovering I might not be able to have a relationship accepted by society.
Hi, so I'm sorry for my negative last post and I'd like to thank everyone who replied to me and I'm glad some people feel the same way, in some aspects. I think I'll start a new thread for that other main issue: low self-esteem, but thanks to all who took the time to respond.
