Hi, so I'd just like to talk about an issue here, which truly holds me back in life. I have very low self-esteem, even going as far as often not believing people when they praise me. Also, whenever I start something new, I end up making these negative self-fulfilling prophecies and of course they come true: my guitar instructor implied that I didn't have much talent, coach told me soccer wasn't for me, after 1 night of practice and last week, I got lower grades than my peers in drama, because I'm apparently too shy and can't enunciate my words properly. It's just so embarassing, when you try very hard and get a C, while the rest gets an A or a B. I had to force myself not to cry, in that class.:icon_sad: All this has an earth-shattering impact, as I'm losing all faith in my own abilities, to the point where I grow to hate the stuff I once loved and don't even bother trying new things anymore. Due to a syndrome I was born with, I'm also physically weaker and have tiny facial defects: one of my ears doesn't compute and I have a slightly crooked jaw. While other people say they hardly notice( I had surgery on the jaw), I see it in the mirror everyday! I also feel that I have a manly voice and I'm too awkward. And then I want to find someone to love, but I can't ever picture anybody loving me. I get so disgusted when I picture myself KISSING! another person. Also: I only have two friends, who I don't see much of, so I'm lonely. Plus: my dad's always putting me down, every chance he gets. How do I gain confidence again? This is just crippling me and it seems to only get worse...
Look, there is a thing about people with self esteem issues: we tend to see only our flaws, well, we do only see our flaws, as you do. We tend to disregard everything that could count as a good trait, thinking maybe it's not good enough to make up for our "wrongs", seeing them as not counting. Yeah, sure it was very kind from me to help that lady with her shopping bags, but it doesn't count because then I failed this exam! Just like that. I am not a professional in any way, sure, and also I am sure you have been told this a billion times but try to focus on the positives. It's hard, I know. I wouldn't let anyone compliment me, so how would I "compliment" myself? Baby steps. You are not going to be Miss Brilliant Self Esteem by tomorrow, takes time, but you have to get rid of those negative thoughts, called cognitive distortions. Don't worry. It won't happen overnight. Take your time, it will be better.
Oh really, interesting... i have something for you that's helped me get through my depression and low self esteem. Its actually a saying " never frown, because you'll never know who'll be in love with your smile" to yourself you might look unattractive but to some people you got the right stuff. So keep your head held high and do what makes you comfortable
Here's a list of things that have helped me. * Increase your sleep each night by one hour * Try to eat a LITTLE bit healthier ... no drastic changes ... take it easy * Chin up - whenever your walk anywhere, literally keep your chin up - eyes on the horizon - (unless you need to look down in front of you for safety reasons of course). * (this one's a little bit out there but if you can muster up the courage to do it, it's beneficial). As you walk around in public places, try to smile at everyone. The more you do it, the more people with smile back. If you want to turn it into a challenge, see every smile that you get in return as a "win" or a "point" and try to beat each previous days points. The idea is that learning to make other people happy (even just for a brief moment) is a way to make ourselves happy. * Stop saying SORRY. If you feel a really really strong urge to say it - say something like "I apologise" or "my apologies". Thinking about it before you say it, makes it become less automatic. * Have a secret project. As in, a personal project that you don't tell anyone about. Whether it be artistic, physical (fitness/strength etc..), spiritual, academic, economic, literary etc ... it makes no difference. It just has to be yours. It doesn't have to be a secret forever, but it can be if you want to. This is a way to prove (to yourself mostly) that you are capable of amazing things. * Find a (at least) weekly TV, Radio or Podcast show that you find absolutely hillarious. Something that makes you smile the instant that you hear/see it. * Do some research about breathing and meditation. Some people don't realise, but breath is intimately connected with feeling/emotion.
Hey that sounds very rough. I think getting away from your dad would be a good start. Also you need to make some more friends, fortunately this is a great place for making friends. Also maybe try meetup.com or join a club or group you enjoy. In Australia we have places that are called Neighbourhood houses that offer activities, also universities and takes offer them but at a higher price. Finding a group with similar interests is a good way to make new friends. In terms of self fulling prophets find new teachers, the ones you have are crap, the teachers role is to help the child or adult reach the best of their ability not to bring them down. As for looks you will find someone eventually I'd love to catch up with you and be your friend no matter your looks but you are in a different country so catching up in person would be tough. Looks May catch an eye but they aren't everything. The kind of person you are is more important as in how you treat your partner. Just because magazines shower us with images doesn't mean we need to look like them, how many people try to look like magazines rather then looking like themselves, I'd rather a unique girl than one who tries to copy people in magazines. I want to look at someone and see them not a celebrity, who wants to be followed by the paparazzi for looking like a celeb, no thanks.
As cheesy as it sounds, and some people have pointed it out already, being kind helps. It does. I used to act like a fucking prick most of the times (still do sometimes, to be honest) because I thought it would prevent people from being awful to me, I was being awful first! And yeah, it was not any great for my self esteem either. So be kind, I don't have a bubbly chatty personality at all but just being NICE helped a great deal, people would "like you more" as a natural response and it will improve your self esteem for sure.
Hey, thank you for these tips! Some of them are actually new to me and I do believe they could be very helpful.:icon_bigg It is true that I have a habit of saying sorry excessevily and I have the feeling it annoys the crap out of people sometimes. But I think it's just because I always feel like a failure, also due to my awkwardness and clumsiness, like: someone will wave at me and I'll mutter: "hey" and then when they've passed me: I'll awkwardly wave at the air... But anyways, just wanted to thank you for the useful advice.(*hug*) ---------- Post added 11th Jun 2015 at 12:35 AM ---------- Also, big thank you to everyone else.:icon_bigg It is fun to get a little bit of feedback, for what has proven to be a major problem for me, time and time again. I'd like to make a few friends here, since this is just such an accepting community, where I truly not feel scared to express my feelings. It is true I'm easier at making friends online, because I don't have to worry about the way I look or just being me. The 2 girls, who I consider my best friends, are people I've know for years and I'm still very apprehensive to tell them I'm into women, since I fear the: " Well, you're not attracted to me, are you?"-question. And about getting away from my dad: I'm still in college, so I'm not making any money and therefore can't afford my own place. But it has been very hard growing up with him: as a teacher, he's obsessed with maths and I so happened to be in his class and I'm terrible at that very subject. I'm more of a languages-girl( studying to be an interpreter.), but he doesn't think that's good enough. Nothing me and my siblings do is ever good enough and the way he treats us, is borderline emotional abuse. ---------- Post added 11th Jun 2015 at 12:36 AM ---------- Also, big thank you to everyone else.:icon_bigg It is fun to get a little bit of feedback, for what has proven to be a major problem for me, time and time again. I'd like to make a few friends here, since this is just such an accepting community, where I truly not feel scared to express my feelings. It is true I'm easier at making friends online, because I don't have to worry about the way I look or just being me. The 2 girls, who I consider my best friends, are people I've know for years and I'm still very apprehensive to tell them I'm into women, since I fear the: " Well, you're not attracted to me, are you?"-question. And about getting away from my dad: I'm still in college, so I'm not making any money and therefore can't afford my own place. But it has been very hard growing up with him: as a teacher, he's obsessed with maths and I so happened to be in his class and I'm terrible at that very subject. I'm more of a languages-girl( studying to be an interpreter.), but he doesn't think that's good enough. Nothing me and my siblings do is ever good enough and the way he treats us, is borderline emotional abuse.
I remember the trick with me, at least, was seeing when I would do something good, and then REALLY focus on the fact that I did that, and it was good. Just re-iterating that over, and over again, until the "But that doesn't mean anything" part faded away, because there really are times when that voice isn't right, even when you think it is. And also, when you don't think it is anyway, but it's making you become a better person, or so it seems to, it's doing more damage than it set out to do.
