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If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did you?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by talkingoutloud, Jun 16, 2015.

  1. talkingoutloud

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    So yesterday, I was walking with my friend and she was talking to me about my haircut (I recently cut it really short (I had wanted to cut it like it is for a long time and I finally got it done the way I wanted it)) and she was talking about how guys in her class were talking to her saying that I was "probably a lesbian" and my haircut makes me "look like a lesbian", and how she was telling them how she didn't think I was. So we were talking about that, and then she asked me "wait, are you a lesbian?", to which I replied that that was a strange question to ask, and then she rephrased it to something like, "well, are you 'not-straight'". I just sort of stepped around it and talked about her phrasing instead, I then asked her, "does it matter?", at which point she told me it didn't at all she was just wondering. This wasn't the first time she had asked me but I haven't told her yet, but I'm not exactly hiding it from her, I just haven't straight-out (haha oh the irony) told her yet.
    I was asked asked today by a girl in my science class who I am 'acquaintances' with. I was passing notes with my friend (I was trying to find out who she liked haha) and the girl's friend (who is openly 'not-straight' and another acquaintance of mine) passed me another note with something like "stop it" written on it, and I had passed it back asking to stop what and then i accidentally threw it to her friend, who then started passing the note back between us. The conversation then went to her asking me if I had a "boyf/girlf" to which I replied with no. She then asked me why not, and told me that me and my friend (the one I was passing notes with) would be cute together and that we should date. to which the following conversation followed:
    Me: "The fact that you just think you know my sexuality ha."
    Her: "Doesn't everyone? CX jk jk what's your sexuality?"
    Me:"Wow okay, what an extremely personal question m8 wow"
    Her: "it's what makes you you. I like d*ck"
    Me: "ok that's cool"
    her: "wait wtf. what's your sexuality?"
    Me: "does it matter?"
    At which point she showed her friend, who gave her an annoyed look and took it off her writing to me that it didn't matter.

    I am always careful not to answer yes or no to those questions from people I'm not out to. I am not particularly careful about hiding my sexuality, but I don't directly tell people (I have only told 1 person)

    I was wondering what you guys do/did when people asked about your sexuality if you didn't want to tell them.
     
  2. Mischief

    Mischief Guest

    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    Whenever people ask what my sexuality is, because I personally don't know either(and being trans its hard to explain), it's normally like this:
    "what's your sexuality?"
    "yes."

    It confuses them and they stop asking :lol:
     
  3. imsam

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I'm bi but I think I'm attracted to girls more. When people ask if I have a boyfriend I say no and some go "or are you a lesbian"? I just laugh it off and be like wait, what why would u even ask me that? I always change the subject to something else when it comes to this but I get a little flustered when someone asks if I'm into girls but I try to hide it. It's a giveaway I think
     
  4. RainDreamer

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    Thank goodness I never have to deal with that. But I think I will learn from mischief and just confuse the hell out of them.
     
  5. Still Me

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I live in the Bible belt, so I have to be cautious about who I come out too. I'm not in the closet but I don't make it obvious because bad things have happened to people who have come out. I have told my friends and some of the people I run into a lot.
    If someone I don't know or I know I can't trust asks me if I'm gay my response is, "I find myself strangely attracted to other people. Human beings are really sexy, don't you think?"
    I have a reputation for being snarky so most people just ignore it and figure that I am in a bad mood.
     
  6. MORTAL

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I very rarely get asked about my sexuality, partly I think is because I'm 6'1 and built like a tank and that I don't have any feminine mannerisms, but recently a work colleague who I befriended and came out to (under weird circumstances and also disclosed to me that she's a lesbian) said that she wasn't sure if I was gay or not because I'm "really quite and gentle." I wish I could be fully out at work but unfortunately I work with a lot bigoted assholes who would definitely create problems for me.

    If I am asked, I tell em' straight, i.e. I'm gay.
     
  7. Awesome

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    When I used to lie, I always insisted that I was straight.
     
  8. RedHeadHatter

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    OK, seeing how you people try to avoid it instead of lying makes me fell kind of ashamed. Every time someone asks if I am gay (They usually do so when I say I am not interested in dating because I have to study) I tell them I am asexual. It usually doesn't come to this point though, so I've lied to just a few people...
     
  9. Father Freddie

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I take a dim view of people rude enough to even ask that question. My usual response is "No, I'm Presbyterian." and walk away from them, and avoid them.
     
  10. ApexxShadow

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    Tho, I'm only out to family and a few friends, I just try to ignore the question and change the topic.
     
  11. Andrew99

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    Well I am out to some people. I use to lie when people asked me if I was gay but now what do I have to lose? So I tell the truth.
     
  12. XenaxGabby

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I've never been asked about my sexuality. I've been asked if I have a boyfriend though which my answer is always no. Personally I think it's rude to ask what someone's orientation is. If I was ever asked I'd probably ask them why they care.
     
  13. BelleFromHell

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    When people would ask if I had a boyfriend, my mom made me lie and say "I don't have a boyfriend now because I'm focusing on school", which was complete bullshit. She didn't want me coming out to family or friends under any circumstances. She claimed she wasn't homophobic, but acted pretty damn ashamed of me, and thought my orientation was something to be locked up and never seen by anyone.
     
  14. Reciprocal

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I would dim the lights, hold a torch below my face, stare into their eyes and whisper, "Humans."
    Then I'd switch off my torch, turn up the lights and act as if nothing else had happened.
     
  15. MCairo

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    When I was deeply in the closet, I used to deny or just ignore the question. Nowadays I answer them but not in a serious manner. Recently, one guy that is kind of my friend (although not close) asked me if I was gay and I said I was ''open to possibilities''. Another time, my friend saw me texting another friend and asked if it was a girl. I said no and then he asked if I liked boys, which I confirmed but I don't think he took me seriously.
     
  16. Kaboom

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    Was seeing someone and open about it, but things were getting kinda rocky for us. My friend at the time thought I was bi. He was telling me about his brother and asking if I would be interested. I said no. He asked if I would be interested in general. I said no.

    Friend: "are you gay?"
    Me: "probably"
     
  17. The Wallflower

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    When I wasn't out, I just lied lied lied~ then I started avoiding answering questions.

    "When are you gonna get a girlfriend, Rafa?"

    -"When are you?"

    I also used to pretend I had crushes on girls so they would leave me alone.
     
  18. Libra Neko

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    I would be honest, but no one has ever asked.
     
  19. Michael

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    There is even a better one "Why, are you interested?'

    I'm just like you, I confuse them. Not that many folks have had the nerve to ask me such a question.
     
  20. loveislove01

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    Re: If you aren't out, how do you reply to people asking your sexuality or how did yo

    When straight people ask what my sexuality is:
    -I like anime characters
    -not you, so you don't need to know.
    -yes, I'm alone but I'm alone and free! Let it go! (Singing)

    Now that I'm out at school, I can casually just tell people I'm bi