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Why assume that gay people fancy everyone?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by Findmyway, Jun 21, 2015.

  1. Findmyway

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    Hi, so I have this one good friend, who I haven't told about my true sexuality just yet, because I'm not ready at all. The two of us went swimming a couple days back( we do that every week.) and there's this one girl at the complex, who everyone just " assumes" is gay.
    Anyway, she passed us by, just as we were about to enter our changing room and my friend whispered: " Better not let her catch us changing, she might try something." And I kind of like laughed it off, cause that's ridiculous, right? and I said: " Just because she "might" be gay, doesn't mean she's attracted to every girl." Then, my friend was like: " Yeah, I don't really trust them, especially bi's, cause ya know: no one's safe from them." And she was very serious! These kind of views just make me sad and a little bit frustrated, honestly.:dry:

    Also, after I gathered up my courage to tell my new therapist, she asked: " Isn't it hard to form female friendships that way? How are things evolving with girls in your year?" Also, when I told her, I only get feelings for people I truly trust and who care about and listen to me, she momentarily got this freaked-out look on her face. It was gone just as quick, as she tried to hide it, but I still saw it. Like she was scared I was way into her, or something.

    Have any others had this experience? That people just think you're into every single member of the same sex? Because personally, this is one of the biggest barrieres for me to fully come out and it almost makes me want to return to the safity of my lifelong-closet. I DO have a TYPE, you know.
     
    #1 Findmyway, Jun 21, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2015
  2. RainDreamer

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    Either you misinterpret the therapist reaction, or that was a really bad therapist.

    Anyway, about the title question, I think it is because some people think that sexual minority people are just sooo desperate they would try to hit on anyone. It is just stupid, really.
     
  3. Fallingdown7

    Fallingdown7 Guest

    I'm like you. I'm only attracted to about less than 1% of women in the universe, and of course 0% of men. So I'm basically asexual with exceptions, and call myself lesbian because It's easier. But of course you have to deal with this bullshit >>;
     
  4. Findmyway

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    Okay: let me just take a minute to correct my first post: safety, not safity. I'm not illiterate, I swear.
     
  5. awesomeyodais

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    In the case of your friend, any chance she's just applying the same view she has of all men? The one where guys can't be trusted because that's all they think about etc...?

    In the case of the therapist, hmm. If you're confident enough (and ultimately have other options for therapy) you may want to bring up that conversation next time. Maybe it's about your difficulty reading people in some situations, maybe it's about feeling judged constantly, maybe it's about being overly defensive, maybe it's fear of someone actually showing that sort of interest in you, and you're trying to figure out what happened and why you were upset about it. See how she reacts. It's going to be a learning experience either way :wink:.

    As to the original post title, I don't get it either... when I hear that type of comment, what I feel like saying is most of the time is "Oh please, don't flatter yourself, you're not even close to being my type".
     
  6. Aussie792

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    As many people reduce us to our sexuality alone, it makes sense that they would consider us largely or entirely driven by sex and see our every action and intention as tainted by our sexuality.

    I would say your friend is moderately anti-queer and finds it hard to come around to the fact that you and others are individuals with identities and feelings separate from their sex lives, not sexual orientations on legs.
     
  7. ccdd

    ccdd Guest

    I'm a bit worried about your therapist! Is there any way you can get another one if you need to? Has she counselled lgbt people before?

    Unfortunately there are a lot of people who assume that just because someone's gay, they fancy everyone of the same sex!

    I think the only thing is to educate people. Hopefully your friend will realise in time that what she things about bi people is wrong. I (and some of my friends) simply reply: ""Wow, it must be exhausting being bi, fancying everyone!" or "It must be exhausting being permanently turned on!" - making it clear that what they're saying is ridiculous. Or, I guess - "(insult of your choice) are unattractive to everyone, gay, bi or straight!"

    When it comes to meeting new people, I like to get in quite early on a joke about how some people always assume that gay people fancy them. If you get it in as a joke early on, you can show that you completely ridicule them (so hopefully they won't do it). It can be harder with people you know - especially if you're not out or only just out.

    As for your therapist... well, you can try. Maybe mention to her how irritating it is when people always assume you fancy them. Or somehow get rid of her (although I don't know if you're able to :frowning2: ).