Okay, so I have been thinking about this for a while. It's obvious that people are aware of social issues, judging by the feminism/egalitarianism thread I started a while back. So I'm going to ask about race in this one. I was wondering if I had internalized racism. I'm black and I honestly don't like being black. There's a ton of stupid reasons why, I'm not going to get into that unless someone wants to know and asks. I was wondering because I usually when I think of someone who I find attractive, like maybe a girl, I always think of someone with blue eyes and blonde hair, which are obviously features of a white person. I really like blonde hair, I've always wanted blonde hair that goes down your shoulders. And blue eyes too, I think they're gorgeous. I will be honest because there's no point lying, I do think white women and men are more attractive than black women and men. They have more hair colors, more hair textures, more skin tones, more eye colors, more facial features, and more ethnic groups to choose from. Those different and complex things are coming together and making up a really interesting person, on the inside and the outside. I live in an area where that's 90% white. This can't be said for my town because almost everyone is blond and they all start to look the same after a while. But everyone always touches my hair and asks me questions about my name (which is Shona, a Zimbabwean/South African language) and I feel left out because I'm so different and they can't relate. I also notice that white girls tend to be skinnier than girls of color, and while I'm not overweight, I'm not really thin. So I kind of want those genes. Another thing...I notice that I'm getting really tired of race issues. Now the big thing is the Charleston church shooting where some white supremacist killed 9 black people. Just a week ago, that Rachel woman was lying about being black. Then before that it was Baltimore, and before that it was Ferguson, and before that it was Trayvon Martin. I think the thing that really irritates me is that the same thing keeps coming up and we talk/debate about it for a long time without actually fixing or changing anything. But I wonder it's actually not caring instead of just being frustrated...I don't know. Now throughout this whole thing, I made it black vs. white, which is ironic because I really hate when people do that. White and black aren't the only races, but because of their history, people always forget everyone else. I really hope no one gets offended. I really need an answer to my question, I'm a bit stressed out. Thanks everyone (*hug*)
Well, the standard of beauty you're subscribing to is one that society has put out there for your entire life, so it's understandable that you'd find attractive what the media tells you to. Whether that's internalised racism per se, I honestly don't know. However, I imagine you probably do have some internalised racism, as does just about everyone in the western world. It would be a miracle for us not to develop some implicit biases just by growing up in the society we do. Implicit bias is very real, well documented in sociological and psychological studies among people of all races, and it's something we don't talk about nearly enough, because it does cause very real problems in our society. It doesn't mean you're not well-intentioned or anything like that, so please don't feel bad. It really is a broad cultural issue that affects all of us.
MysteriousMadam, I can't answer your question but I can strongly relate. I'm Indian, and talk to everyone BUT Indian people. Maybe it happened because I hated my ex Indian religious group, but now, as terrible as it sounds, I will not talk to most Indians, and feel highly uncomfortable in a non-diverse environment. I know its wrong, and I have some reason to dislike certain Indian people, but it goes the same with any other race as well, I just have something against them that I do not know. I hate it and feel very racist, but I still feel like this
Well, there are actually genes for natural blonde and red hair in Pacific Islanders. Ironically, the genes that cause it are different from those that cause the same traits in white people. I will say that I find black men somewhat attractive, physically. That is, if I had to pick a man only for his body, a black man would probably be more desirable to me than a white man with the same BMI. There is actually a logic to this: black men actually, as a matter of fact, tend to have greater body density, meaning lower fat-to-muscle ratios, which is why the "black men can't swim" stereotype actually isn't as far-off from the truth as you might assume. Fat floats. Sure as I say that, a black guy is going to chime in saying he's a champion competitive swimmer. Oh, and it's also true that black people are superior, on average, as runners. As far as physical ability, black folk are really kind of fortunate, in some respects. But the media actually does tend to give us images of beauty that instill in us the idea that "pretty" means platinum-blonde and skinny, and that's why there are so many more women who have dyed their hair blonde than were actually born with their hair that color. That's why so many women have terrible body issues now, in a world in which the food marketed to us makes it impossible for us to maintain even a healthy weight, much less a weight that fits with that image. White girls are affected by it, too, so it's not so much "internalized racism" as the fact that you have been skull-fucked by the media, like every other woman in the country, and that's why you'll always have to fight the neuroticism and reactive self-destruction that goes with it. Oddly, when people realize that they will never fit the "perfect" body-type, they "give up" and start going the other way, never having attained the original unrealistic goal. See how this works? And it is actually killing us.
Okay then..... 1) I'm African, so my name is hard to pronounce and everyone always messes it up. I would kill to have a normal name like Jane, Elizabeth or Lauren. 2) Everyone always asks me questions because I am African. I know they just want to know more, but they end up showing a lot of ignorance. 3) I really hate my hair. If I were white, I wouldn't have the kinky, bland hair I do. 4) There's a lot of division and tension between black Americans and black Africans. Being born in Africa but raised in America, I can't satisfy either one. 5) Living in a town where 90% of the people are white, there is a lot racism. 6) Stereotypes...I'm supposed to be this really confrontational diva because that's how the media portrays black women and girls. Actually I'm really passive and shy. Believe it or not, I don't think a lot of people are happy with the fact that I'm not a stereotype. 7) I don't like to play the victim, but I feel like I have a few strikes against me because I'm black, then I'm female and part of the LGBTQ+ community. 8) There's a lot of pressure to succeed and overcome the "white man's world" especially in my family (parents were raised in the 70's and 80's...times where things were a lot worse in terms of race). 9) I feel like I have 2 choices...to become a black supremacist basically and hate everyone else or to be the equivalent of an Uncle Tom and act like black people cause all their problems to make everyone else comfortable, there's no in-between point. 10) I feel conflicted because I hate when black people are villainized and generalized in the media but can you blame the media when black people decide to live the "thug life" with their "baby mommas or daddies". Or in Ferguson, instead of peacefully protesting like MLK, they burned down buildings and threw skateboards through windows on the night they received the verdict. That's all I can think of for now...
A lot of the things you listed seem to be because of other people and not of any "racism" of your own. For the other things like wanting to have blonde hair, I think is because of the pressure to be an American beauty. Tall, tan, blonde, blue/green eyes, are commonly thought to be more desirable features. Many people want to be someone they're not. I wish I was taller, wish I had better eyes than boring brown ones, even wished I was some sort of exotic and exciting race. At the end of the day, I would advise you to accept you for who you are, and not what you're pressured into.
I come from a very integrated city in Virginia where there is very little racism. I've never been to the deep south. Charleston sounds like a racist city. I find some of the older black men in my city attractive. You should accept/love yourself as black. Also I've seen black women with their hair dyed blonde before, you could just dye your hair and get blue color contacts.
1) I empathetic towards this one. While name shouldn't really be hard to get used to (Annabelle), almost everyone gets it wrong. I've been called "Amy", "Amelia", "Amber", "Abby", "Abigail", "Isabel", "Isabella", and even "Anime" (I'm not kidding about that last one. Some people actually call me that). Is there a way you can shorten your name to make it easier to say? I usually don't even have people other than family members call me by my full name. People call me "Anna" or "Belle", usually "Belle". 2) While I certainly don't know how it feels to be a racial minority, my grandmother did. While she was growing up, being of Native American ancestry was something to hide and be ashamed of. She was half white, but you could still tell just by looking at her face and hair that she wasn't "purebreed". She started bleaching her hair and wearing makeup to make herself appear more white. To this day, she still does that. Fortunately for me, the only really Native American feature I have is high cheek bones, so other than my whiter relatives poking fun at my cheeks, I never have to deal with that. I do, however, know how it feels to be an outsider. I was homeschooled most of my life, although it was really more like educational neglect. I had to teach myself almost everything I know after the 7th grade, and I have to go through more hell to get a diploma than most public schoolers would ever be willing to put up with. Because of this, I hate it when people ask me about high school or mention anything about their high school life. At this point, it's even become a suicide trigger. If that doesn't make it bad enough, there are negative stereotypes placed apon homeschoolers that I have to disprove, even though I don't like even talking about it. There is also the subject of lesbianism, another thing I'm ashamed of, but I won't get into that. I also get picked on for being a shy virgin who doesn't plan on losing that virginity anytime soon. My phone is burning up in the sun now, so I can't reply to everything. All I can say is you shouldn't let assholes get the best of you. Learn to love every inch of your beautiful black skin. Trust me, I know that's easier said than done, but I do think you can get there one day. On a side note, I think black hair is extremely beautiful. As a kid, I was even jealous of black women and wished I could have their hair. Start loving that beautiful hair too. Live long and prosper.
In 7th grade, I disliked being black, because kids on my school bus would say things because I would be the only black person on the bus. The thing was, they weren't even trying to be mean, most of the stuff they've said was meant as a joke, but it still bothered me. (I lived in a white neighborhood) I will also admit that I felt a little afraid towards ghetto black people, but that feeling also applied other ghetto people of other races. Now, I embrace being black, because I'm come to realize that no matter how much I hate it or others talk about it I will always be me. So yeah, when I was 12-13 I didn't really like being black and probably had internalized racism, due to abuse from it. But, over the past year I've learned to love myself for who I am and be happy with my life. So, I guess the point of my novel is to try to love yourself, even if it is hard, because you'll be black forever, so you might as well enjoy that time being black :icon_bigg
I can definitely relate. I think the reason I envied white people and was more attracted to them was because I was around them more often. Like you, the majority of my community is white, so I think I became used to that as the norm and yearned to be like everyone else. I also have a very pretty best friend who is blonde with green eyes and pale, fair skin. She is liked by a lot of people and I became jealous. I think if I were back in China, I'd find Asian people more attractive because I'd be around them all the time. There are pros and cons of each race's appearance. I think you became used to the white community and were exposed to more of them, and started finding them more attractive.
I am mixed race so not as 'dark' as I could be (think Beyonce/Rihanna type of skin color) but I was born in Europe, surrounded by white people and I clearly remember from a very young age wanting to be white even though I never badly faced racism or anything ( yes I had the annoying jokes about being black but nothing nasty or genuinely mean), I just wanted to be like my peers I think and I guess that's what most of us face. Our mind/body rejects the part of us that makes us stand out and be different from the rest of the population, I truly believe that's survival instinct and not bad per se. I did for a period became racist (I believe) I completely rejected the african side of me, I hated my curly hair, I hate(d) african food, african music basically everything that wasn't ''white'' enough and avoided black men ( but this is most likely because of some trauma caused by the guys of my family/friends that happened to be terrible people and black) but because I was mixed race people would never acknowledge me as a racist they would sometimes say " If you weren't black I would think you were racist." and looking back I do believe I was. I feel terrible about that but I guess I was in a bad phase where accepting myself came with rejecting the 'black' side of me. I have learnt to accept myself for who I am and I now wouldn't want to be white if I could. I like the fact that people find me ''exotic'' and comment about my 'lovely' curly hair (I personally have them straighten permanently now as I can't stand the curls lol) and how they wish they could have my 'tan' etc... I am personally still more attracted to caucasian or hispanic people but I don't particularily think that's racism but preferences, some like blonds, others asians, I like caucasians, no big deal in my opinion. Though for your well being you should really focus on the positives. Don't beat yourself up for something you can't change, there is many things that are great about being black, you just have to focus on them and go from there. Good luck !
Too many folks worry about how the car looks. All I care about is if the car starts. As cliche as this is going to sound, you have to love and respect yourself first, or else any relationship you get into isn't going to fulfill you. You need to be able to generate and give what you want to another, or they won't have a reason to stick it out. I'm white. Most folks would say, "Yay! That's great, you have an advantage!", and I do in some regards. However, society is shifting towards an anti-white attitude. It's quite frustrating to chime in on anything and folks say, "YOU'RE WHITE! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!", and perhaps in some aspects I lack the first hand experience. I get that, but don't you find it ironic that I'm wanting to discuss racial problems, instead of enforcing racial superiority with my iron-fist all-white Legion of Doom. Obviously I'm not up to par with them either, especially since I come from a lower-end economic background, and in a capitalist society this makes me not only worthless, but a failure, since a white shouldn't be 'down there'. Is this a proper way of thinking? No. But it's something I deal with, especially online, which has become the bastion of anti-white e-warriors. When you embrace who you are, and love who you are, you'll find more positive-minded individuals will flock to you. From here you'll be reaffirmed that, hey, I do matter and I am beautiful/attractive/wanted, and those who made me doubt myself are just bitter fucking pricks. Fuck them, seriously. You seem like a lovely young lady, and caving in to their asinine influence isn't going to help your situation. If you don't like African music or certain aspects of the culture, don't feel forced into being an ambassador. Be you. Even if your skin is dark, you can still do what you feel is best for you. Believing you have to do anything else is, ironically, tolerating a forced boxing of your individuality. As for your name, go with a nickname or something you like, maybe in the future if it's such a problem, legally change it. When it comes to "other blacks" (God, that sounds straight out of 1930s Alabama), let them do what they do. You aren't their keeper (God, this too!), and you should be focusing on you and your life. If you "act white", okay, whatever, that's absolutely stupid considering when most folks say "acting white" they're implying a disrespect for politeness, reading or learning, or being open-minded to various mediums. Most folks don't realize the stupidity of such a remark, because it is saying, if you aren't white you should just give up on life, be ignorant and self-destructive, yadda yadda yadda... For the record, I LOVE dark skin. I have an affinity for it. I dig curly or wavy hair. One of the most beautiful women I've ever seen, in person, was black. Very black. You know, the skin tone magazines or products aimed at black women don't encourage. But it wasn't just because of her style and demeanor, it was the fact she smiled and laughed and knew she looked good. Be beautiful because you are beautiful. <3
I so agree with Kaiser's post that I wish there a like button! >.< I have nothing to add so I will just echo Kaiser's statement: Your highest obligation is to yourself. Just because you're black, you don't have to be a role model for black people. Just because you're gay, you don't have to push the gay agenda. You focus on being the best you possible, by being open-minded and learning new things. I do hope you will embrace your physical attributes, however. Realizing the beauty in those features and learning how to play them up will get you far :3
