1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

"It's just a little white lie.": White, Small, and Harmless Lying

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by The Wallflower, Jun 21, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 1 of 2
  1. The Wallflower

    The Wallflower
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    What is your opinion on white lies? Do you think they are necessary sometimes, or do you prefer honesty? Have you done it before, and are you trying to avoid it?

    What about 'small' and 'harmless' lies? Do you think they're ok? Have you lied to impress friends and family, to get out of a tight spot, etc?

    My friends all have surprisingly different opinions on this.

    I personally wish I could say I have never lied to impress people, but I totally have. I've also made small lies lied to avoid getting grounded, and I when I was little, I used to do it without even noticing.

    I live by "Honesty is the best policy," nowadays because I think of lies as evil things... they eventually come back to bite you in the butt, no matter what size or shape.

    That doesn't mean I think all lies are bad, though. What do you think?
     
    #1 The Wallflower, Jun 21, 2015
  2. Simple Thoughts

    Simple Thoughts
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2013
    Messages:
    3,426
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Columbus, Ohio
    I don't see the practicallity in always telling the truth.

    You know how many people would hate you if you were 100% honest 100% of the time?


    Sometimes the things we think can be things which would hurt someone else's feels and other times someone says something you don't agree with, but you really don't want to start a big fight so you pretend not to care/notice. ( and I'm not talking about something big like gay bashing, but maybe they have a particular political view you don't like or they're rambling on about their religious beliefs and you just kinda want to avoid having to fight over it )

    Everyone lies.
     
    #2 Simple Thoughts, Jun 21, 2015
  3. YuriBunny

    YuriBunny
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2014
    Messages:
    44
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    I'm an introvert; I live in my head.
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I tell lies when they are very small and people will forget about them in a couple seconds.

    Other than that I really hate lying. Sometimes people will tell me to lie to get out of things, but I'll just say, "Uh... isn't there another way that doesn't involve lying?" and then they'll laugh at me for caring so much. o.o Big lies just make me uncomfortable. I guess I tell white lies fairly easily though. I think they're okay if they aren't too far from the truth.
     
    #3 YuriBunny, Jun 21, 2015
  4. Austin

    Austin
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2008
    Messages:
    3,172
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    White lies have their place.
     
    #4 Austin, Jun 21, 2015
  5. shootingstar

    shootingstar Guest

    Sometimes white lies are necessary. Like when someone goes to a lot of effort to buy you a really special present for your birthday but you actually don't like it. I'll say a white lie then eg. "thanks I love it".

    But other times if i don't actually feel like telling a white lie I'll just say something else that's not a lie but it's not exactly the truth. Eg. if someone makes me a disgusting dinner and asks me if I liked it i might say "Wow, I've never tasted anything like it" They'll take it as a compliment and I haven't even had to lie.

    Sometimes if you don't want to appear rude or hurt someone's feelings, you just have to avoid the truth now and again.
     
    #5 shootingstar, Jun 21, 2015
  6. Cider

    Cider
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 11, 2015
    Messages:
    339
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Iowa
    This. Lying, sometimes is very necessary.
     
    #6 Cider, Jun 21, 2015
  7. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Slippery slope.

    I agree that sometimes you might withhold your most authentic feelings in the name of kindness... someone has a new haircut you think is hideous, but they love it, so you tell them it looks great. No harm there, unless it's so hideous that everyone around them will mock them... but even then, it's their choice.

    The problem is, I've seen people use the "little white lie" and "I don't want to hurt the person" to justify holding back on important information.

    One test that is often pretty accurate is... if you're considering holding back on disclosing something, what would you want if the roles were reversed? That isn't perfect -- the other person might want more or less honesty than you do -- but it is usually a good place to start.

    If there's any possibility that the other person would not want the information held back, and particularly if you're holding back because you don't want to take the heat for whatever it is you're holding back... that's a pretty clear indication that you should not hold back, "white" lie or not.

    One other factor that plays in is your relationship to the other person. If it is a close friendship or relationship, then authenticity is (or should be) one of the most, if not the most, foundational part of the relationship. Holding things back can severely damage or destroy the relationship.
     
    #7 Chip, Jun 21, 2015
  8. Tightrope

    Tightrope
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,415
    Likes Received:
    387
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I read your entire post.

    I'm in total agreement.

    Weigh the situation. Weigh the potential outcome. Listen to your gut and your conscience - maybe they're coordinated. Act accordingly.
     
    #8 Tightrope, Jun 21, 2015
  9. The Wallflower

    The Wallflower
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2015
    Messages:
    2
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Puerto Rico
    This. Exactly this. I totally agree.



    I want to talk to you about something that happened last semester.

    My friend started dating this new guy in school that was known to be an assh*le. He was the aggresive type, and had cheated in the past.

    My friend (completely oblivious to this, of course...) was happy and excited.

    A few of us had gathered behind the school to talk about it. One of my friends suggested we tell her about his past, because she's our friend; another argued that it was best if we pretend we didn't know, because when people try to get involved with this kind of situation and help their friends, they are usually pushed away and the person ends up taking their boy/girlfriend's side... and things get ugly.

    I was torn. Both of them had a point. If we left them like that, she would be happy, and none of us would have conflicts with her... but who knows what could happen.

    If we tried to get involved, she might push us away and stop being our friend.


    Most of us had decided not to tell her, except me and one of her closest friends.

    Her closest friend decided to have a mini-intervention with her; and it ended with the worst possible outcome. They stopped talking. They blocked eachother on Facebook... it went south fast.

    After that, I decided I wasn't taking sides... I stayed out of all of it.

    This is why I have trouble with these kind of situations. Horrible things could happen if you're honest and trying to do the right thing.

    Then again, horrible things could happen if you don't. x_x
     
    #9 The Wallflower, Jun 21, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2015
  10. HM03

    HM03
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2013
    Messages:
    2,625
    Likes Received:
    508
    Location:
    Pergatory
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I like telling the truth as much as I can. I am bad at keeping track of lies :lol: I feel like often being honest comes across as being a jerk...

    That being said, it's okay to lie. If it's going to make a huge deal and it's none of their business, I lie :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #10 HM03, Jun 21, 2015
  11. Kaiser

    Kaiser Guest

    Joined:
    May 10, 2014
    Messages:
    2,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    кєηтυ¢ку
    This.

    If it isn't a life or death situation, I can 'play it off' until whoever is directly involved is alone, and we can discuss the situation.

    Telling the truth is nice, but when you tell it is the key to success. And yes, I am aware of how opportunistic that sounds. I'm honest about that!

    I have more respect for someone who can tell me how they really think and feel, as opposed to trying to appease me. You will fucking respect me, at least.
     
    #11 Kaiser, Jun 21, 2015
  12. Tightrope

    Tightrope
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 31, 2013
    Messages:
    5,415
    Likes Received:
    387
    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    This is probably the hardest part. The other part is appearing convincing when lying if a person doesn't feel good about telling the lie. Sometimes, there's a "screw you, it's none of your business" or "it doesn't matter" approach, so you can lie a little more easily.

    I remember one time when telling the truth cost me a job offer in an interview that was going fairly well. There were two in the room interviewing me. It was about a work occurrence in the past. The main guy wasn't even fazed. His right hand man was. Maybe it wasn't meant to be. I decided that white lies along those lines are mostly ok after that experience. They're not honest about what's forthcoming, either ... even if you asked about the "unseen."
     
    #12 Tightrope, Jun 21, 2015
  13. PennyMonkey96

    PennyMonkey96
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 21, 2015
    Messages:
    87
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Anaheim
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Telling the truth is always better, not saying I don't lie, in some situations a small white lie helps a lot. I have a bad habit of lying even when not needed. I know that's bad but I can't help it. I've lied a lot in my life about my sexuality, grades, friendships, even about things I didn't do just to seem "cool". I know that telling the truth may end friendships or relationships with family or whatever but lies come out sooner or later it's better to get the lies out now than later.
     
    #13 PennyMonkey96, Jun 21, 2015
  14. LostLion

    LostLion
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 9, 2014
    Messages:
    407
    Likes Received:
    5
    Location:
    United States of 'Murica.
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Telling the truth all the time is not a good thing. Sometimes you need to tell a "white lie." It's the big lies that have potential to hurt people that are bad.
     
    #14 LostLion, Jun 22, 2015
  15. Aussie792

    Aussie792
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 5, 2013
    Messages:
    3,317
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Australia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    White lies are usually only valuable when telling the truth is both unpalatable and unnecessary.
     
    #15 Aussie792, Jun 22, 2015
  16. BryanM

    BryanM
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2,894
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Columbia, Missouri
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    White lies are only useful when telling the truth could be unnecessary and/or hurtful. It's not useful to tell the truth all the time, but it's a hell of a lot better as a general rule to be truthful than learning how to instinctively lie all the time.
     
    #16 BryanM, Jun 22, 2015
  17. Kaiser

    Kaiser Guest

    Joined:
    May 10, 2014
    Messages:
    2,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    кєηтυ¢ку
    You may want to reconsider the politics then.

    =P
     
    #17 Kaiser, Jun 22, 2015
  18. BryanM

    BryanM
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2,894
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Columbia, Missouri
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Oh if only I had a dollar for every time someone has said that. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
    #18 BryanM, Jun 22, 2015
  19. Kaiser

    Kaiser Guest

    Joined:
    May 10, 2014
    Messages:
    2,867
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    кєηтυ¢ку
    Enough to finance your campaign and pay off the hookers?

    LOL.
     
    #19 Kaiser, Jun 22, 2015
  20. BryanM

    BryanM
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2013
    Messages:
    2,894
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Columbia, Missouri
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Definitely. Even afterwards I may have enough left over to find myself a hubby.

    But yeah, we should probably stop with the derailing of the thread. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: I'm sure others would appreciate it.
     
    #20 BryanM, Jun 22, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 1 of 2