Do you hate effeminate over the top guys? read this

^^^ This is awesome

I wish more people thought like this.

 

Everyone should have a right to be who they are and express themselves!

Nice piece!

 

I don't know that effective arguments start off by immediately placing all the blame on the reader. It may be effective (?) for those that already agree, but I doubt it would be beneficial in convincing those who truly "hate" effeminate gay guys.

Otherwise, it's mostly true and I agree with much of the sentiment. Many people are afraid of going against societies norms of femininity and masculinity. In that regard, they are afraid of "gay" being percieved as girly. I have more to say but it's late and I don't feel like finishing this thought.... So moving on...

It wouldn't be interesting if I just agreed with the entire speal. I do disagree that it's always "effemiphobia"... Many personality traits taken to the extreme can get on people's nerves. The fact still is that we need to live and let live. If we do not like a personality for whatever, we don't need to associate with those people on a deep level, but we don't need to ostracize, talk bad about, or otherwise try to hurt those people -- only if they are harming others should be show disapproval. What seems more simple to me than trying to understand effeminate guys is to just not be a jerk in general!

 

Transphobia of any kind is tacky, and it is shallow.

Some guys who are fems are just also jerks, which is what other people tend to remember about any group that they don't belong to.

 

Just as very feminine can be offensive to some so can being uber-masculine. Both can be caricatures.

 

Many feminine gay men did not just one day decide to act like that; they were always feminine.. even as children. They were most probably outcasted and looked down upon for their femininity. Why would they emulate something which is looked very down upon by society and even in the gay community for e.g. many feminine gay men are rejected. Feminine gay men are not only present in western society for e.g. two spirit indian natives (completely unaware of western stereotypical presentations on gay men for obvious reasons).Femininity in men in society is still seen as something to be ashamed of. I think the stereotypes may be exaggerated by some gay men as a way to rebel against femininity being seen as weak or femininity in men being seen as negative; hence the need to be "fierce" and "fabulous". I feel like if femininity in men was more accepted in society, the stereotype would actually decrease because there would be less for feminine gay men to rebel against. Think of the reactions a man would get for wearing a dress or 'walking/talking like a girl' in comparison to a girl wearing men's trousers or 'walking/talking like a guy'.

 

Can't help the way you are no one should be judged or ostracised simply because of their mannerisms.

 

No. In my opinion it's wrong to hate someone for what they can't change, especially if it's not hurting anyone.

 

I'm annoyed by anyone who'se too loud and intense in his/her movements or behaves in a way to be the center of attention...

 

I think most people are, but this does not apply to people who naturally act loud or with a lot of movement.

 

This is awesome

 

I love it: this is who I am, and this acting this way comes naturally. This piece could have saved me a lot of problems and self-repression over the years.

As someone who is into effeminate men, it certainly helps to open my eyes a bit more to why they are the way they are
And the simple answer is because that's who they are.

 

sure you can be whatever or whoever you want and how you want to express your feelings but you know you are the only person in the world and not all will just accept it and just go along with it. as long as you wont hurt or offend anyone then that's fine no problem.

 

I dont have any hatred for feminine men and the story was pretty moving however I agree with Austin that some of the personality traits taken to the extreme can be annoying for example I have no patience for many of the more 'glamorous' and 'bitchy' aspects of femininity although I attribute this to the personality in general instead of the femininity specifically and in any case I'll judge based on the individual, not the group. Fem guys can be pretty awesome and they can be annoying jerks not unlike any one else

 

Agreed completely with you, Tim. But also, both can *appear* to be caricatures, while in fact being the completely natural genuine expression of a person.

 

biAnnika - yes totally spot on

 

I don't know about anyone else, but reading this didn't change my mind at all on 'effemiphobia'¹, and I'm not looking to play the Devil's advocate.

Just as people are allowed to be who they are, I am allowed to not like certain representations of specific personality traits, or even the personality trait as a whole. Also, because every single 'effeminate' gay guy I've met has made this femininity their whole identity² (purposely or not), they have come across in ways that severely contrast who I am, with no middle ground, I concluded that they're just not the kind of people I want to associate with, and personally I think that's okay.

Anyone can twist my words however they want and call me xphobic, but this is just my opinion.



¹ Is this even a real thing, or just a made up word to make people feel valid/bad respectively?
² This is directed at those people who are basically big walking metaphors for the word 'gay'.

 

I feel the same as tscott. I find both extremes equally irritating.. whether it's a gay guy who is incredibly flamboyant and bitchy, or a straight guy who feels the need to constantly reassure himself that he's straight by talking about tits all the time and saying 'bro' and 'dude'.

 

I hope no one feels like their opinions or views are being threatened - that was not my intention (also so sorry for replying to a really old thread - I've really got to pay attention more and stop doing this), everyone has a right to their views and the reasons that have led to those views.

imnotreallysure, I agree with your second example so much, as that's the environment I was brought up in, so with you 100% there.

I guess I just found myself agreeing with joshy the queen and many of the other encouraging replies in that it really depends on a per-case basis and effeminate mannerisms or behaviours shouldn't just be looked down upon by default, that's the thinking that saddens me.