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Bisexual Privilege?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MysteriousMadam, Jun 23, 2015.

  1. MysteriousMadam

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    Hey everyone. Sorry I keep starting threads, I know I'm annoying. Today's a much better day. I'm eating a lot of pizza, but it's okay because I mysteriously lost 1 pound in the morning :lol:

    This was because of something someone said a while ago and I just happened to remember it today out of the blue. And it got me thinking, as in over-thinking.
    Is there a "bisexual privilege" in society? I remember being told by that because bisexuals are attracted to both sexes, they have the ability to be with the sex that makes them look straight. So I could date a boy and no one would ever know I was bisexual unless I told them because it looks like I'm straight. That's the privilege that bisexuals (and I'm assuming pansexuals?) have that gay people don't. I notice that in my own life, since I'm really feminine and a girl, a lot of people ask what type of boys I like and usually assume that I'm into the really macho, masculine kind. I feel like if I were less feminine, people wouldn't automatically think that I like boys only. So maybe that's another privilege...?
    The sociologist in me is coming out. Anyway, I was wondering what others would think about this? Do you think it's legitimate or a load of BS?
    Thanks y'all :slight_smile: happy pizza Tuesday!!
     
  2. Skaros

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    I think bisexual people might have a "closet advantage", but I think bisexual people would have a much harder time being out of the closet. It may be easier to be in the closet, but I actually think bi people would have it worse than homosexuals if they are out. People often don't understand bisexuality, and they have a lack of trust for a bisexual partner. I think that in terms of relationships, a bisexual person would have a harder time finding a partner who trusts them than a homosexual would.

    I think "bisexual privilege" isn't as real as people assume. Everyone in the LGBTQA+ community struggles one way or another.
     
  3. thepandaboss

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    Well, I don't know. I feel like that "privilege" is perceived by a lot of people even in the LGBT community but it's not necessarily always the case. For example, a lot of bisexuals also deal with a lot of the same discrimination that gays and lesbians do when it comes to things like employment especially if they're out of the closet or have a partner of the same gender. I also find bisexuals often fade into the background or are ignored in certain capacities. For example, bisexuals who aren't dating someone of the same gender may be stigmatized at pride or in LG settings. There's also the whole notion that bisexuality is a phase and this is repeated even in the LGBT community (if you've never personally heard this, you've got an amazing peer group) sometimes. Sure, maybe it can be advantageous at times when you're in a bad area- my partner, for instance, used to be able to pass as a straight man when he was dating women. I can tell people I'm either gay or straight if I feel like disclosing I'm bisexual isn't going to go over well. In fact, I've played the "gay card" before- I used to tell women I wasn't interested in that I was gay. But I think more people need to realize that bisexuals have crap thrown at them too once in a while.
     
  4. Fallingdown7

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    I agree with Skaros. People who are in heterosexual relationships do experience privileges if people assume they are that way, but I wouldn't say this relates to bisexuality. Even closeted gay people get "passing privilege" but don't really benefit from it.

    Lesbians, Gay men, and Straight women on average all distrust bisexuals. They get insecure that they will be left for the other sex and are even disgusted by such attractions (such as lesbians thinking bi women are tainted by men, straight women thinking bi men are HIV invested).

    Straight men are the least disgusted by bisexuality in theory, but they also fetishize it and treat bi women like sex objects to entertain MFF threesomes. Bi women also have a 40% risk of being raped by a man compared to a straight woman who has a 17% risk.

    So I wouldn't say It's easy.
     
  5. BiKate

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    Only one friend knows I was questioning my sexuality. Another friend I think just assumes I'm bi by default, but we haven't actually talked about it, we've just had a casual conversion about going down on girls without questioning each other lol.
    But nobody else knows and I could keep it that way easily, there is an advantage in that sense, I don't have to come out of the closet. Means I wouldn't be able to date a girl even if I really liked her but hey, if I want I could just stay in the closet forever, find a nice guy who I fell in love with and never tell a soul. *cough* And hope I didn't have a female soulmate out there that was meant for me

    Other than that I feel embarrassed telling anyone I'm bi. Because most people I know just assume bisexuality is just a phase or we're just confused. Also makes it hard because partners of either sex might not trust you, guys might think you're going to decide you like girls only or get with a friend thats a girl or vise versa.
    I feel like a lot of people, gay and straight, just don't understand bisexuality at all.
     
  6. Jinkies

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    Um.. Sorry to burst any political bubble you might have, but bisexuals don't really have a social privilege. In fact, they're basically more oppressed than homosexuals. I know we're taking baby steps toward equality, but there's more bisexual erasure, and more hate against bisexual people, even in the LGBT community. Fallingdown7 kinda explained that.
     
  7. sldanlm

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    I agree with almost all of this. The only thing I would say is on the bolded part it isn't all straight guys, just most of the ones I've encountered unfortunately. Thank goodness my SO isn't like that.
     
  8. Fallingdown7

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    I'm not saying It's everyone in the group that thinks that, including women and gay guys too. It's just things that bisexuals are more likely to encounter which is why I brought it up.

    Hell, I'm a lesbian that has dated four bi women. I'm not biphobic and I don't think bi women are lesser or tainted by men. BUT there are a lot of lesbians who sadly have this attitude.
     
  9. Steele

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    Even if bisexuals can "pass for straight" and be in a relationship that makes them happy without faking it, it's still possible for them to feel shame and disgust with themselves because of their attraction to the same sex. And repressing a part of their identity because of that is emotionally scarring, damaging, and extremely exhausting. And out bisexuals in heterosexual relationships can still experience discrimination similar to what out gays/lesbians face. Not to mention the biphobia they have to deal with.

    So, in short, I think bisexual privilege is a load of BS.
     
  10. Lin1

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    I believe that bisexuals are everything but privileged. While I love being bisexual and wouldn't change it if I could, bi-phobia can be pretty harsh. Some lesbians don't find you ''lesbian'' enough and almost hate you for not being like them and 'liking dicks', straight girls assume that you OBVIOUSLY have a crush on them like if liking girls mean liking every single girl on the planet. Guys turn you into a fetish and basically only accept your bisexuality because 1) they see the prospect for a threesome and 2) they don't really take your bisexuality seriously, think it's a phase (especially if like me you are very feminine) or something you do to turn them on and that their dick is more than enough to satisfy you.
    Every time I go out I tend to say to guys in which I am not interested in that I am into girls and they rarely believe and tend to want proofs because obviously kissing my girl mate is absolute proof of my sexuality *ahem*.

    Like I said, I like being bisexual because I do get 'the best of both world' but a lot of people undermine our sexuality, making us look like greedy people who can't make up their mind and sometimes insinuating that we are sex-crazy and would cheat on anyone at anytime. Those are stereotypes that bothers me. If you are into a straight relationship as a bisexual then people just think ''You went back to being straight'' and that the girls you've dated were just a phase. It's annoying.

    I can't complain as I haven't had to face much bi-phobia so far but I know it's out there and it's far from being a blessing.
     
  11. C P

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    The only real 'privilege' they have is the capability of loving more than one gender(the only thing worth being jealous about), otherwise there's a fair amount of shit from across the board that they get. The 'closet privilege' is more of a catch 22 than anything.
     
  12. Simple Thoughts

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    Can we please please stop throwing "privilege" in front of everything?

    Male privilege, white privilege, straight privilege, thin privilege and now apparently Bi privilege.

    Why are we so obsessed with this?

    Are we really so eager to be the underdog at this point that we're gonna slap the word 'privilege" in front of everything?

    It's becoming less of a meaningful word with a point behind it, and more like a game of who's the most oppressed.


    Does it really matter who has it worse? Anyone suffering for any reason should be enough to prompt action, we don't need some hierarchy of suffering, we need people to get motivated and start doing the right thing.



    To your question though.

    I'm bisexual and most people tend to ask me ( unprompted ) Are you gay?

    This of course puts me in an awkward position. I try to be honest and lately it's been an automatic response of informing them I'm bi, but still it's just weird to get asked that kinda stuff for no reason.


    I don't have the luxury of "appearing straight" because my mannerisms apparently scream Gay to the world.
     
  13. Steam Mecha

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    I'm getting sick of that stupid word getting slapped on everything, As for the thread, Fallingdown7 and Skaros pretty much sum it up.
     
  14. Pret Allez

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    I find myself agreeing in part with Simple Thoughts and disagreeing in part. The spirit of my partial agreement flows in the fact that privilege discourse has been extremely bastardized by the intellectually unprincipled parts of the social justice community. Privilege as a theory does certainly capture some things that are true and worth considering about dominant groups and their complete lack of understanding of us and lack of empathy at times, but there have been attempts to apply the discourse in situations where it should not be. As a result, we have cheapened the discourse in such a way that it's no longer effective.

    The second basis for my partial agreement is that bisexual privilege is non-existent, and it's a kind of emotional abuse and attempted ostracism perpetrated by the gay and lesbian community. Some members of EC think this privilege exists and have continued to be abusive about it. Others have, after repeated criticism from me and others, ceased their abusiveness. Nevertheless, this claim remains. So let's unpack it.

    1. First, bisexual privilege is entirely contingent on straight passing privilege. Even if, as contended, bisexuals have the "capacity" to be normal, that is, visibly with a partner of the opposite sex (not gender, because remember, society at large erases trans and gender-variant people. That's not my fault. I'm just using precise language to talk about what people bought into cissexist heteropatriarchy are doing), if they are in any way conformant to a stereotype about gay and lesbian people, they run the risk of becoming targets of heterosexism like any gay or lesbian person. Conversely, some gay and lesbian people read as completely straight, and are almost never the targets of violence or micro-aggressions in daily life. It's my lived experience that I have not enjoyed bisexual privilege. When I am out running, I have to run armed because teenagers driving around in cars with loud music playing yell misgendering, heterosexist insults at me, and I wonder if one day they are going to stop, get out of the car, and beat me up.

    2. If you advocate the view that bisexual privilege exists, you are being abusive. What you are trying to do is separate bisexuals from you, claim that we don't have a shared experience, and claim that we aren't sufficiently committed to equality. I have read repeatedly on this forum gays and lesbians offering bisexual privilege as a reason for not dating bisexuals and pansexuals, meaning they endorse romantic exclusion on this basis, rather than a legitimate basis like body type preference, personality, or actions and beliefs.

    I disagree in part with Simple Thoughts' remarks, because they imply that privilege does not exist, or in the alternative, that the discourse has no value. In fact, as a person who is very unfortunately not able to pass as female, I can tell you in no uncertain terms that I have enjoyed considerable male privilege as a computer science student and a professional software developer with four years of experience. I have seen subpar and mediocre male programmers and students taken more seriously and given more attention than mediocre to above average female programmers and students. On the job, I've witnessed business users argue with female developers over implementation plans that they ended up accepting and signing off on when male developers explained them the exact same plans later on. So yes. Male privilege exists, in some places, at some times, even if random idiots on the internet make stupid arguments sometimes.
     
    #14 Pret Allez, Jun 23, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 23, 2015
  15. Tightrope

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    I selected these parts of your post. I strongly agree. I think that more bisexual people are invisible than their gay, lesbian, and transgender counterparts. I was at an event 2 weekends ago and in line for the bathroom and the guy standing next to me was raving about this woman who was actually with her husband or boyfriend he kept on looking at. I had seen her walking through the stands and wasn't impressed with her. I didn't say anything. There was a guy walking around about an hour earlier who I thought was hot and I think it would have blown his mind if I had told him, "Yeah, and you should have seen the hot guy I saw an hour ago ..."

    ---------- Post added 23rd Jun 2015 at 10:31 PM ----------

    Thanks for this comment. I agree. You took the words right out of my mouth.
     
  16. childhooddream

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    Look, it is true that being bisexual means you're more likely to go along undetected in the straight world if you are so self loathing that you choose to ignore the part of you that DOES like the same sex... and I can see how maybe a self loathing gay person may envy that so called bisexual-privledge... but on the other hand being bisexual isn't much of a privilege if anything we are subject to bisexual erasure all the time, people including lgbt inclined individuals... who refuse to acknowledge us. So in a way yes if you are closeted or trying to stay closeted it MIGHT be easier to act straight if you are somewhat partially straight... on the other hand that doesn't mean being bisexual is easy or that bisexuals have it easier than people of other orientations.
     
  17. MysteriousMadam

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    Just for the record, I didn't actually say that I believe that a bisexual privilege exists. I said I had thought about it because someone had told me that and just wanted to see if this line of thinking added up.....

    Fallingdown7, you always have good things to say. I never get to tell you that :slight_smile:
     
  18. Pret Allez

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    Don't worry, I'm aware that you haven't claimed it exists, and so I am not saying you're abusive.

    But if you were making the claim, and if anyone comes in here and makes the claim, I do stand by my view that it's abusive.

    The argument has not been made in good faith a single time in all the three years I've been a member here.

    ~ Adrienne
     
  19. CandleClock

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    The only privilege I've got so far is the privilege of awkward threesome requests from people who should know better.
     
  20. MysteriousMadam

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    Thanks, I was starting to get worried :slight_smile: you have greats points to make all the time too, I really loved the post you wrote here.