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Does sexuality equal respect and power?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by MysteriousMadam, Jun 24, 2015.

  1. MysteriousMadam

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    I'm being annoying and posting too much, I'm sorry...
    I was going to post this anonymously under a different forum but I decided not to because I thought if people could see who I was I would get more honest answers.

    I'm not really taken seriously, noticed, or respected. I feel like people walk all over me and a lot of people only talk to me when it's convenient for them. I'm done with my freshman year (AND IT WAS HELL), and I was thinking if I could try to change my appearance this summer for next year. It's much easier to change your appearance than your personality and behaviors, especially for me because I actually like my personality and behaviors. I feel like I'm kind of like the really stereotypical sweet girl who's bubbly and wants to work hard and follow the rules, I don't think people have a lot of respect for that. I notice that people who are more "sexed up" (for lack of a better word) have more respect and are more popular. For example, there's this one girl who was in my gym class who always wore clothes that accentuated the curves in her body, and she would wear these tight shirts that would show her cleavage and make her boobs look bigger. Obviously there were people (usually other girls) who considered her to be slutty and annoying, but all the boys fell heads over heels for her, she got more attention, and she basically got whatever she wanted. I look at someone like Beyoncé, who is really liberated. She owns her sexuality and is admired for that. But then again, she has her own critics as well.
    I'm kind of split on it. I feel like it's an easy and convenient way to get respect and even power, but is it a good way? I'm not a naturally sexual person, so I would have to work on that. Also I'm not if my mother would be on board with this decision, lol...
     
  2. floridagal1

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    Interesting question. Those boys aren't interested in those girls because they respect them. Sexuality is an easy way to attract dates, but is no way connected to respect and power.
     
  3. randomly me

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    Maybe she will get attention now but it won't stay that way forever.
    And as mentioned above and stated by you neither the girls or the boys really respect her.She becomes more of q stereotype or object than a person.
     
  4. MysteriousMadam

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    So you two don't think it will really pay off in the end? The respect you gain is not a real respect?
    What am I supposed to do then?
    :/
     
  5. siriuslypadfoot

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    When I was your age (such a long time ago I know lol), I was straight as straight can be and was looked like a textbook butch. I noticed that boys weren't really paying attention to me because I was presenting in such a masculine way, so over the summer I made my mom buy me a bunch of girly clothes and makeup (and I even ended up getting a boyfriend that summer, go figure).

    By the time I graduated, I hated it. I had let my hair grow out, but didn't really know what to do with long hair and I felt awkward and out of place in the form fitting, girly clothes I was wearing. I was super conscious of how people perceived me, probably because everyone thought I was gay from sixth-ninth grade, and it wasn't really a fun time. Litearlly the day after prom, I cut of all my hair and started digging up my clothes from middle school/early high school and have started wearing those again.

    How this relates to you - if you don't feel like something is you, don't change yourself. If you don't feel like you would truly be able to rock a "sexed up" look, then you probably won't be able to. People aren't respecting those girls because they look sexed up, if they're getting actual respect and not just boys drooling over them, they're getting that respect because they know who they are and are owning it.

    If you want people to stop walking all over you and using you, don't let them. Take a stand. Let them know who you are and why you deserve their attention and respect. I disagree with the "you have to earn respect" I think you have to go out there and take it from the world.
     
  6. Starwind78

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    Yes, but only if you're the kind of person who can pull it off. I think some people are just born with a certain....presence....if you will that turns heads. It's not necessarily about being pretty, but how they carry themselves.

    I suspect that if you tried to pull that off with simply changing your style, you would become awkward and uncomfortable --- and that's okay. It doesn't make you any less of a woman for not being able to do that.

    You have to find your own way of expressing assertiveness or it won't work.



    Also, there's a limit to how much power a woman can wield through a man based on sexual attraction. In the end, it's not her power, but his. Her power is disposable when a prettier thing comes along.