This post is just me attempting to write something that somehow would help release some stress. Life just seems so bleak at the moment, with unemployment and little possibility of staying in school. People close to me are encouraging me that I should apply for disability, but I don't know if that would be best. I tried working, but I couldn't last two weeks at these previous two jobs, mainly because an anxiety problem I refuse to believe exists. The social worker I've seen for almost two years believes I have it, and she recommended disability because we tried other ways for me to cope with life. I'm tempted to go back into the military since a lot of things feel familiar despite the stressful environment. I was discharged for those anxiety problems mentioned. I don't know if I would want to accept it as it is. They gave me a two year wait since the date I left before I could reenlist again, and I feel tempted to do it. I don't I would want to deal with it again though. It's difficult to feel like I belong somewhere. I tried making friends where I live, but the cultural society in this state tends to make everyone here bitter and reclusive. I did attend an LGBT support group here, but that go disbanded because their treasurer embezzled everything. The couple of friends I made in that group weren't really that much friendly. They inmediately hated me because of my preferences in movies and books. One started assuming I was homophobic because of one show I happened to have watched. Since then I stopped associating with them because they kept trying to force me to uphold their values and abandon my view on life because I was wrong in their eyes. School kept feeling like another thing that makes me have a false sense of hope. I certainly didn't want to think like that because it's like the only thing I would pursue in life. The people at the school. The students and my old friends make it hard to feel like there's really any significance in taking classes. I try to refuse to believe that school is just another thing, but nowadays it doesn't seem like it's this passage to success anymore. It makes me feel worried that it's all for nothing.
I have to agree with you on the disability thing it's possible that if you did qualify for said social benefits you could be even less motivated to do anything. Social anxiety is horrible I've been there myself and going into the Army wouldn't help.Sounds to me that you are going through a bit of a low period poss depression with negativity from others isn't going to help and one doesn't need to be around such people. You seem motivated to want to do something with your life you're just a little lost not knowing which path to take. . I've had very similar experiences so I'm going on those and what's been written however I may be wrong. I hope this is of some benefit to you
I would advise other options before going the disability route. Like Ste86 mentioned, it could cause you to be less motivated. And I can only imagine re-enlisting in the military would only make things worse. Anxiety can be a cause of depression. I know you stated that you have a social worker, but have you tried a therapist? Have you tried medication? Or meditation? Or yoga? It can take a good bit of trial and error to find out what works for YOU, and maybe a combination of the above suggestions might help.
