Trans-Allies and Narcissism

Now, I know what you're thinking, but we are not here to discuss allies of the transgender community. We are here to discuss people who become so entranced by cultures, social groups, and activist movements that it is no longer enough to support identities. They have to be identities.

We have all heard of Rachel Dolezal by now, but articles have only recently broke the story of another professor and Native American activists who lied about being Cherokee Native American (x). Unlike Dolezal, Andrea Smith has allegedly admitted that she lied about her ancestry and asked for the forgiveness of Native Americans. When I share this story on social media, I encountered a handful of people who acknowledged the deception that people such as this are commit, but consistently referenced the fact that they were activist; they were fighting for rights and equality; we can't invalidate the good they've done; we need more people like them. The opposing side argues that the fact that these types of individuals strive to be recognized activists makes them far worse and even less noble. The general question, why do the the actions that these people have taken change the perception of activism, philanthropy, or volunteer work that they have done?

Altruism and Narcissism

I intended to highlight multiple sources on this subject, but there are countless studies and research on this subject and I would be here for another hour trying to verify all of them. If you search the subject in any search engine, however, you will find dozens of reliable sources that highlight altruism as an extremely common symptom of people who suffer from narcissistic disorder. Altruism consists of philanthropy, volunteering, activism, etc. Why would people who are clinically self-involved go out of their way to be selfless? Because they aren't being selfless. Regardless of whether you are a narcissistic or not, altruistic behavior makes us feel good and part of that reason is the perception it creates of ourselves. These things make us feel noble. They make us feel as though we are individuals able to incite change and influence lives. To those around us, altruism makes us appear inspiring and kindhearted.

Some researchers suggests that the altruistic behavior of all human beings is at least some part motivated by a desire to make us feel that we are better people or convince others. The pessimists among us would clearly agree. Regardless, as long as the central reason why we do work for others or in the name of progress isn't entirely for the sake of self-service, then we probably aren't irrational narcissists. There will, however, always be the minority who are also present at our volunteering jobs, within our movements, allies, public figures, etc. It is important to be conscious of the fact that all attempts at support are not good support because narcissistic, altruistic behavior can be potentially harmful.

The 'A' is for Ally

Have you ever noticed that everyone is only on board with change as the change is nearly finished happening? When it comes to social movements, the majority is commonly neutral, but when we have events such as the legalization of marriage everyone rushes out into the open to waves their pride flags. This is obviously because everyone wants to be on the side of progress. Everyone wants to look at social progress and be able to say to themselves "we did it"; even if they truly did nothing. This is a phenomenon that our American members became all to familiar with recently, but this is completely unavoidable and some might suggest that people being excited about progress can't be such as bad thing. Even if many are taking responsibility for work that they didn't do.

When this self-involvement and self-praise becomes detrimental is when people begin to the feel that supporting identities should be enough to be recognized to the same degree as identities. We see this is in the concept of "speaking over marginalized groups" in which someone outside of a group takes it upon themselves to speak on the LGBTQ, POC, women's, etc, experience rather than bring attention to members of those groups and allowing them to speak for themselves. This is clearly detrimental because it doesn't teach others to respect or listen to people who aren't like them, rather to relate to the cis-heterosexual activist who saves LGBTQ for persecution.

Though many within the LGBTQ community specifically know that this goes deeper with the example of the asexual v.s. ally debate. The A in LGBTQIA was initially formed to represent asexuals; however, when same-sex marriage came on the radar in the last decade and allies outside of the community started coming in many took that as an opportunity to change the meaning of A to either asexual and ally or purely ally. The reasoning behind this was that the community is about diversity and allies do a lot for the community so they should be included. The clear issue with this is that the idea that supporting people in their efforts to be seen as equally human as others should not be worthy of recognition. Much less recognition that was literally taken from members of that group.

Being a good ally means recognizing that your place in social movements is not to overshadow the existence of people who are already largely ignore and overshadowed by the majority. While having the members of that group respect the effort you are making can be reassuring, you are not their savior. You have no right to demand to be seen as an equally central part of their communities as actual minorities are. If supporting a group in reaching equality without being recognized as a building block of that community is not enough for you, then it might be time to reconsider whether you are truly working for them or working in hopes that others will see that you are on the side of progress.

Final Thoughts

I could actually go on all day, but the take away from this is that simply because certain people appear the most loud and determined does not mean that they are worth of our respect or praise. Particularly if they are loud in speaking over actual victims and determined in gaining positions and recognition over the people that they claim to be working for. There are thousands to millions of people in every social movement or volunteer efforts who work consistently without ever receiving recognition, ever taking on position titles, ever attempting to be the face of movements, and they are the people who are the backbone of positive change in society. Not someone who holds flashy positions and takes on paid interviews. You absolutely can have noble intentions and do those things, but those things are not proof of noble intentions.

We don't have to shame people, but we cannot make excuses for those who take responsibility for activism and altruistic that they had nearly no part in because it encourages the same mindset moving forward. The mindset of clapping when the work is done and never helping others when they are struggling. The mindset of taking events such as voting rights, civil rights, and marriage equality to mean that "everything is fine and oppression is over" because these movements are no longer in the spotlight. We cannot make excuses for people who feel that others owe them recognition for changing their social media icons to rainbow flags and acting as though they are the catalysts for change. We cannot take people such as Dolezal, who built her platform and received public attention by fabricating her own stories of hate crimes, picking issues that would garner shock value, and taking on positions and speaking jobs to speak specifically about how she has been oppressed as a result of her fabrications and say "but she was so selfless and she did so much". We cannot makes excuses to people who want to make the issues of others about their deserves to gain pity.

Finally, we cannot allow ourselves to fall into narcissistic mindsets all the same. We would be lying if we said that we never do positive things because we positive inside, but we have to remember to ground ourselves from time to time and recognize that others are not doing this work for the same of nobility; they are doing this work for the sake of their lives. If you take it upon yourself to fight in the name of others, remember. Disadvantaged people are not privileged to have you. You are privileged to be in a position where you can pull others up.

Of course, feel free to vehemently disagree below.